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lobelia321I first discovered the British Open in 1996 when, staring blankly at my TV screen in the wake of the European Cup, I assuaged my football withdrawal with the sight of portly, middle-aged gents hitting a small white ball around a windswept golf link.
Golfers perform a very different masculinity to the one performed by footballers. These differing types of masculinities fascinate me.
What is slashy:
They go around in pairs. And they also go around in threesomes.
They embody the Manly Mature Man, not the Pretty Young Hotshot. (Except for Tiger Woods who, radically, embodied the pretty young hotshot for a few years there. But even he has filled in around the edges and anyway, he is too straightlaced to be a real hotshot.
They are total drama queens and divas. This is not a team sport! They camp and vamp and hype it up individually! They have temper tantrums; once I saw one golfer break his club over his knee, or they throw the club down; they fall into bunkers and do battle with sand and 'the rough'.
The expression 'the rough' is canon.
They have caddies!! Caddies, quite naturally, are bottoms.
Their fashion sense is out of this world. It chimes in with the divaishness of them all. Some very important questions: Do I wear a baseball cap or a Stetson? Do I wear a polo shirt or a button-down? How flappy are my trouser legs? Do I wear black? Do I wear saddle shoes or black brogues? Identikit biceps-revealing team uniforms? Not for these guys!
Commentators also love them so they, just like footballers, are Men Loved By Men. I heard various pundits swoon and giggle whenever they mentioned the name 'Tiger' (just as they did in the group stages of the World Cup with respect to Ronaldinho). Commentators call them son and fellow!!! As in: "Come on, son." "And look at what this feller is doing."
They show that you can be mature and not have a six-pack but still be a sportsman and a Man!
I bet they're really hot in bed. Except for Tiger Woods who is too considerate.
T'h: "Do you want to fuck Tiger Woods?"
Me: "Yes! No, on second thoughts, no!"
T'h: "Yeah, he'd say... *puts on American accent* May I tweak your nipples, please?"
Me: "Exactly! He's too considerate!"
T'h: "I meant: he had to ask."
Tiger Woods / Nick Faldo
I've got a bit of a thing for Nick Faldo. He's 49; he looks like Harrison Ford; he's cantankerous and irascible. Plus, he and Tiger are the big drama of this Open. Tiger who never drops a bad word about anybody has been icy on the subject of Nick who dared to analyse Tiger's swing on TV in a not entirely worshipping fashion. They apparently exchange very few words as they go round. When the met up yesterday morning for the first time, before teeing off, they shook hands briefly and then Nick pointed to his cheek, as if inviting Tiger to plant a big smackeroo thereon. Needless to say, Tiger did not oblige.
They are so slashy!!!
Oh, and the dude in the yellow Stetson? That's Shingo Katayama, and he is a one-man fashion statement. The yellow cowboy hat! The yellow plasticky necklace! The white flares! The portugal red button-down shirt! What's not to emulate?
Also note how Tiger's really into staring at Shingo's posterior.
Oh no! He's in a bunker.
Some of the peeps on my Flist love the Spaniards, *g*. Well, here's another one: Miguel Angel Jimenez. Note the hair! (It is tied in a cheeky knotty pony tail.) Really, and you thought only the footballers and The Sentinel mania-fans cared about the hair?!
And you gotta love this American dude. Those wonderful slacks! And really, they are truly slacks; they are not trousers, they are not pants. Well, they could be patio pants! His name is Robert Rock. Yes, that's right: it's a name straight out of a porno film.
And the great thing is: you don't have to be well fit to be a golfer pro. This is Phil Mickelson who is nice and rotund. Something to hang onto of a cold evening, gals!
But in case you thought they just stand around, manipulating balls: here is a golfer in action!! Retief Goosen of South Africa (land of the next World Cup!!).
Finally, some more gratuitous pics of my golf OTP
See, they even have diving!!
Oh, the angst, the angst! The superstar and the has-been!
Come and look at my ball anytime.
Drama queen.
Golfers perform a very different masculinity to the one performed by footballers. These differing types of masculinities fascinate me.
What is slashy:
They go around in pairs. And they also go around in threesomes.
They embody the Manly Mature Man, not the Pretty Young Hotshot. (Except for Tiger Woods who, radically, embodied the pretty young hotshot for a few years there. But even he has filled in around the edges and anyway, he is too straightlaced to be a real hotshot.
They are total drama queens and divas. This is not a team sport! They camp and vamp and hype it up individually! They have temper tantrums; once I saw one golfer break his club over his knee, or they throw the club down; they fall into bunkers and do battle with sand and 'the rough'.
The expression 'the rough' is canon.
They have caddies!! Caddies, quite naturally, are bottoms.
Their fashion sense is out of this world. It chimes in with the divaishness of them all. Some very important questions: Do I wear a baseball cap or a Stetson? Do I wear a polo shirt or a button-down? How flappy are my trouser legs? Do I wear black? Do I wear saddle shoes or black brogues? Identikit biceps-revealing team uniforms? Not for these guys!
Commentators also love them so they, just like footballers, are Men Loved By Men. I heard various pundits swoon and giggle whenever they mentioned the name 'Tiger' (just as they did in the group stages of the World Cup with respect to Ronaldinho). Commentators call them son and fellow!!! As in: "Come on, son." "And look at what this feller is doing."
They show that you can be mature and not have a six-pack but still be a sportsman and a Man!
I bet they're really hot in bed. Except for Tiger Woods who is too considerate.
T'h: "Do you want to fuck Tiger Woods?"
Me: "Yes! No, on second thoughts, no!"
T'h: "Yeah, he'd say... *puts on American accent* May I tweak your nipples, please?"
Me: "Exactly! He's too considerate!"
T'h: "I meant: he had to ask."
Tiger Woods / Nick Faldo
I've got a bit of a thing for Nick Faldo. He's 49; he looks like Harrison Ford; he's cantankerous and irascible. Plus, he and Tiger are the big drama of this Open. Tiger who never drops a bad word about anybody has been icy on the subject of Nick who dared to analyse Tiger's swing on TV in a not entirely worshipping fashion. They apparently exchange very few words as they go round. When the met up yesterday morning for the first time, before teeing off, they shook hands briefly and then Nick pointed to his cheek, as if inviting Tiger to plant a big smackeroo thereon. Needless to say, Tiger did not oblige.
They are so slashy!!!
Oh, and the dude in the yellow Stetson? That's Shingo Katayama, and he is a one-man fashion statement. The yellow cowboy hat! The yellow plasticky necklace! The white flares! The portugal red button-down shirt! What's not to emulate?
Also note how Tiger's really into staring at Shingo's posterior.
Oh no! He's in a bunker.
Some of the peeps on my Flist love the Spaniards, *g*. Well, here's another one: Miguel Angel Jimenez. Note the hair! (It is tied in a cheeky knotty pony tail.) Really, and you thought only the footballers and The Sentinel mania-fans cared about the hair?!
And you gotta love this American dude. Those wonderful slacks! And really, they are truly slacks; they are not trousers, they are not pants. Well, they could be patio pants! His name is Robert Rock. Yes, that's right: it's a name straight out of a porno film.
And the great thing is: you don't have to be well fit to be a golfer pro. This is Phil Mickelson who is nice and rotund. Something to hang onto of a cold evening, gals!
But in case you thought they just stand around, manipulating balls: here is a golfer in action!! Retief Goosen of South Africa (land of the next World Cup!!).
Finally, some more gratuitous pics of my golf OTP
See, they even have diving!!
Oh, the angst, the angst! The superstar and the has-been!
Come and look at my ball anytime.
Drama queen.