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lobelia321Inspired by myself.
Return
by Lobelia
"Oh," Noel said.
"Returning that, sir? Or renewing?"
Noel forgot to drop his book on the counter. "Russell," he said.
The man in the out-of-fashion polyester suit popped a rubber band around some interlibrary loan volumes.
"You've become a municipal librarian," Noel said.
The man with the short-back-and-sides haircut (number one in the nape) swiped Noel's library card with the laser barcode reader.
"It's cool," said Noel. "It's very, very cool." He slid his book onto the counter.
Russell flipped open the back cover. "Three days late. There'll be a fine on that. Let me just bring up your details." He tippety-tapped something onto the computer keyboard.
The computer was big and clunky and of a dirty beige colour. Noel had never encountered such computers outside the realm of local government.
"That'll be seventy-five pee on that book," said Russell. "And you've got another one outstanding. Would you like me to renew that for you, sir?"
"Russ," said Noel. "It's me. Noelie."
The man in the tattered checked shirt peered over the edge of his rimless spectacles. "Noel! It's you!"
"Yes! It's me!"
"It's you!"
"Yes! But is it you?"
Russell leaned forwards and lowered his voice. "Tell you what, friend. I'll cancel that fine for you. But don't tell anyone." He actually winked. Noel jumped back in fright. He'd never seen Russell wink.
"Why are you a librarian?" Noel asked.
"It's a living," said Russell. He lifted a rubber date stamp and stuck out his tongue while fiddling with the little wheels. "There we go. 2009." He stamped the flyleaf of the book that Noel had just returned. "All done." He dropped it into a blue bin.
"It's porn," said Noel.
"What?"
"Porn. Didn't you see that the book is porn? Shouldn't it go into some, I don't know, private cage or something?"
"Is it?" Russell lifted his glasses and studied the protective cellophane cover of the hardback volume. "I never look at the books I issue, you know. It's just not the librarian's way."
"I was quite surprised when I found it here, actually. I never imagined that a local library would have porn."
"We don't place it in the children's section, naturally. But libraries must keep up with the time."
"Right," said Noel. It was hard to know what else to say.
"It's not vandalised or anything, is it?" asked Russell. He suddenly had an anxious wrinkle above his nose.
"Oh no. You know me. I used a towel."
Russell nodded. "Good, good. It is government property. Tax payers' money."
"Hm," said Noel. "Well." He looked around at the posters advertising senior citizen advice bureau sessions. There was a magnetic box with staples clinging to it on the counter. "I'd better get going then."
"Here," said Russell. He passed Noel a leaflet. It was a print-out on a pale green sheet. "Some information on how to become a librarian. Should you ever wish to consider it."
"Well," said Noel. He turned the leaflet over. There was nothing on the back.
"You never know," said Russell, "in these times of economic uncertainty."
"Good-bye then."
"Cheerio."
As soon as Noel had left through the automatic sliding doors that had been installed to facilitate the ingress of wheelchairs and pushchairs, Russell retrieved the volume from the blue bin. He opened it up. It wasn't part of the library at all. It was quite clearly the private property of Noel Fielding.
Russell turned the page. There was a note, written onto the page with blue felt pen. TURN TO PAGE 23.
Russell turned to page 23 and forgot about being a municipal librarian.
THE END
Pairing: Russell Brand / Noel Fielding
Fandom: Librarians united. *winks at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lazlet
Rating: G. For 'goodness me'.
Length: Short.
Category: Real person AU.
Return
by Lobelia
"Oh," Noel said.
"Returning that, sir? Or renewing?"
Noel forgot to drop his book on the counter. "Russell," he said.
The man in the out-of-fashion polyester suit popped a rubber band around some interlibrary loan volumes.
"You've become a municipal librarian," Noel said.
The man with the short-back-and-sides haircut (number one in the nape) swiped Noel's library card with the laser barcode reader.
"It's cool," said Noel. "It's very, very cool." He slid his book onto the counter.
Russell flipped open the back cover. "Three days late. There'll be a fine on that. Let me just bring up your details." He tippety-tapped something onto the computer keyboard.
The computer was big and clunky and of a dirty beige colour. Noel had never encountered such computers outside the realm of local government.
"That'll be seventy-five pee on that book," said Russell. "And you've got another one outstanding. Would you like me to renew that for you, sir?"
"Russ," said Noel. "It's me. Noelie."
The man in the tattered checked shirt peered over the edge of his rimless spectacles. "Noel! It's you!"
"Yes! It's me!"
"It's you!"
"Yes! But is it you?"
Russell leaned forwards and lowered his voice. "Tell you what, friend. I'll cancel that fine for you. But don't tell anyone." He actually winked. Noel jumped back in fright. He'd never seen Russell wink.
"Why are you a librarian?" Noel asked.
"It's a living," said Russell. He lifted a rubber date stamp and stuck out his tongue while fiddling with the little wheels. "There we go. 2009." He stamped the flyleaf of the book that Noel had just returned. "All done." He dropped it into a blue bin.
"It's porn," said Noel.
"What?"
"Porn. Didn't you see that the book is porn? Shouldn't it go into some, I don't know, private cage or something?"
"Is it?" Russell lifted his glasses and studied the protective cellophane cover of the hardback volume. "I never look at the books I issue, you know. It's just not the librarian's way."
"I was quite surprised when I found it here, actually. I never imagined that a local library would have porn."
"We don't place it in the children's section, naturally. But libraries must keep up with the time."
"Right," said Noel. It was hard to know what else to say.
"It's not vandalised or anything, is it?" asked Russell. He suddenly had an anxious wrinkle above his nose.
"Oh no. You know me. I used a towel."
Russell nodded. "Good, good. It is government property. Tax payers' money."
"Hm," said Noel. "Well." He looked around at the posters advertising senior citizen advice bureau sessions. There was a magnetic box with staples clinging to it on the counter. "I'd better get going then."
"Here," said Russell. He passed Noel a leaflet. It was a print-out on a pale green sheet. "Some information on how to become a librarian. Should you ever wish to consider it."
"Well," said Noel. He turned the leaflet over. There was nothing on the back.
"You never know," said Russell, "in these times of economic uncertainty."
"Good-bye then."
"Cheerio."
As soon as Noel had left through the automatic sliding doors that had been installed to facilitate the ingress of wheelchairs and pushchairs, Russell retrieved the volume from the blue bin. He opened it up. It wasn't part of the library at all. It was quite clearly the private property of Noel Fielding.
Russell turned the page. There was a note, written onto the page with blue felt pen. TURN TO PAGE 23.
Russell turned to page 23 and forgot about being a municipal librarian.
THE END
Pairing: Russell Brand / Noel Fielding
Fandom: Librarians united. *winks at
lazletRating: G. For 'goodness me'.
Length: Short.
Category: Real person AU.