The plot thickens

[lobelia321]

Update on my psycho life.

I forgot to go to the counsellor yesterday! Either this is a bad sign (am suppressing) or a good sign (don't need to go). Either way, it's still 35 pounds down the plughole.

My sister rang from Australia. She is having trauma flashbacks from our shared childhoods in that lovely land. We ended up screaming at each other down the line about our mother! I told her about my outing to Amsterdam and she shouted, "Yes, yes! Nothing but problems! We had a totally ruined childhood! Listen to this...!" Et cetera.

External corroboration. Interesting.

It was quite liberating. My sister is a telephone shouter. The call from Australia lasted an hour and cost 2 Australian dollars. Staggering.

I kept waking up in the night replaying bits of the conversation.

Comments

[bunnysquee.livejournal.com]

i want to say that you forgot the counsellor because you don't need to go. you seemed to have made some decisions in your life which were oppressing your state of mind, your mother, the Karl/Dom epic, that sort of thing. i guess if you can make decisions on your own, you might not need a counsellor. too bad about the 35 quid, though.

hmm, i don't exactly know what your mother did to you during your childhood. speaking from my own experience, in the last five years of necessary but voluntary living with my parents, that my mum is not evil incarnate as i once thought. she brought me up the best way she knew how, and loved me the only way she knew how. i found this out by talking to my mum.

if you are unable to talk to your mum, though you did make the effort to amsterdam, i have also found that, if you are unable to forgive, you should at least try to put things behind you and forget. i have found that this is the only way to get on with life.

p/s. i read your story and will comment as soon as i can come up with something more constructive than EXCELLENT and LOVE IT and HOT!

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

i read your story and will comment as soon as i can come up with something more constructive than EXCELLENT and LOVE IT and HOT!
Oh thank youi, dear, this is quite sufficient. *grins happily*

Yes, it's the getting on with life and putting behind you that I'm trying to struggle towards. The evil incarnate thing is a complex one because I have always rather idolised my parents and I think my recent comedown is partly to do with coming down to reality with a huge jolt and dealing with things that others have dealt with in puberty. I was always a "good" girl and never questioned or argued. Anyway, my mother is not evil but she is a damaged person (for which one really needs to feel sorry) but this means she also damaged us. Which I'm only just finding out.

Thank you for your thoughts on this. It is very helpful.

[viva-gloria.livejournal.com]

There are times when you need to process something at your own pace, before feeding it to the counsellor. (This metaphor may tell you a great deal about my counselling experience <g>) Perhaps your subconscious has worked this out and has decided you need to spend more time replaying that conversation.

External corroboration can be such an immense relief when you feel you're carrying the entire weight of the events and the memories. I hope you can talk (or shout) about it again, soon.

Story! You posted story! eeee!

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Perhaps your subconscious has worked this out and has decided you need to spend more time replaying that conversation.

Yes, this is an interesting thought although I had the conversation with my sister after I missed the counselling session. But I'm sure you're right about the processing.

And corroboration, yes: relief!

[vasiliki.livejournal.com]

Damn, pity for the quids (did I even spell that right?), but good for not needing a shrink (which I think is the subconscious message here).

[msilverstar]

When I forget, it's because I'm scared to go. Just a data point.

But, external corroboration! What an incredible relief that must be. Not being alone, not wondering if it was all in your head, or if it was your fault. ((((( Gigantic Hugs }}}}}

think I'll call my mom and thank her for being sane

Going offline now, back to work (which is a fabulous thing for me to say, no matter how much I miss in LJ. Plus, billable hours! At my slightly reduced but still outrageous consulting rates! (they don't trust you if you don't cost enough).

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Funny how we get frightened of going to the counselling. I have done in the past. But when I'm frightened I tend to remember because I'll be thinking about it, in a scared way. And corroboration, yes: big relief.

Hope all's well with you, sweetheart. No need to reply!

[crazybutsound]

Well, I don't know if it meant you don't need to go anymore, but it at least means it's no longer a dire necessity. I'm thinking it probably means that you might still want to go in order to really finish working on everything, but that you don't desperately need to go as much as you might have at some point. So I still believe it's a rather positive thing. :-)

At any rate, bon courage with everything. *hugs*

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Thank you!