cozzie bother

[lobelia321]

Ten more days and I will be on the Ionian island of Zakynthos, lounging next to the pool and the Mediterranean with my Iliad and looking like a flat-chested, blue-veined herring.

Because it seems that bathing costumes to flatter the mature-figured, bustless woman are not being manufactured. Or if they are, they're not sold in Cambridge. *stomps* I tried on about 50 costumes today, and even the 165-pound one made me look like an ironing board.

I am not impressed.



I am not fond of gothic!Orli. Gothic!Orli is not real-Orli but dolled-up-by-magazine!Orli. I do not like photoshoot!Orli. I like only candid!Orli and interview!Orli and, above all, curly!Orli.

So I did not buy the silly magazine. I did, however, stand about in Sainsbury's, reading the article and squeeing quietly to myself. It turns out that Mr Bloom (deceased) is *not* Orlando's biological father although he was led to believe this until his mother sat him down one day and told me, um, no, your dad's this other man who's been your guardian and the um, family friend for years.

Hah! It's *Coronation Street* in Canterbury!

He is also into fashion, he would have us believe, and worked at boutiques when still a resident of London. *ahem* Yes. His fashion sense seems blissfully untouched by all those photoshoots. *adores K-Mart lookalike shellsuit trousers and daggy stripey top as flaunted on Graham Norton*

I'm allowed 4 more days of shameless Orli drool, am I not?



In other news, am sort of irritable. T'h is having a career-identity crisis, and I am having a starting-to-write-my-book-on-narrative / online-compulsive-disorder / have-I-really-fixed-my-family-probs-vis-a-vis-depression crisis.

Comments

[qthelights.livejournal.com]

I agree.. predominantly, photo shoot orli just looks like a dressed up anybody.. no no.. need the curls and the happy and the eyes.. mmmm (well okay maybe the eyes stay the same.. but still.. !)

heh.. can you imagine walking into a boutique and having orli assisting you?

and interesting tidbit about the father there.. took it's time gettin'out into fandom.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

took it's time gettin'out into fandom.

Didn't it just? Here we were all thinking, oh tragic orphan.

Far from it!! Naughty mum!

*hearts Orli*

[bunnysquee.livejournal.com]

i'm surprised that Orli revealed that about his father, since he's always harping on about how his life is private, blah blah blah. i mean, that is a MAJOR revelation, in my book.

and yeah, i agree with the clotheshorse thing. Orli in photo shoots - fantastic eye candy, but sort of just another pretty boy. which is why i preferred him way back when, when he had the fin hair and the loud shirts, that was him being him, you know, not styled by the studio or something. after he cleaned up and moved to l.a., he became just another pretty face. which doesn't stop me squeeing like a mad thing when i see his pix, mind.

Re:

[qthelights.livejournal.com]

*hearts him too very much*

[shaenie.livejournal.com]

I told my hubby about online compulsive disorder.

He promised that mittens would cure us, and offered to buy us all some.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Mittens?

So we can't type?

I shall test this out. Us compulsives will overcome anything!

[eyebrowofdoom.livejournal.com]

Shopping for bathers, oh the horror.

Over here there are quite a lot of bikini separates on sale, so you can select, say, one of those tops that is practically a contour bra made of lycra, and then a modest boy-leg bottom. Not that I am brave enough for that myself -- there's still a lot of flesh in between, eep. There are one-pieces that are actually two pieces -- a singlet top and a bottom, and sometimes the top has built-in "support". Would you consider some sort of relatively supportive (ha, it has a little speaker that tells you look fabulous on the hour, every hour, and plays comforting piped music at difficult moments) bikini top under something else? I don't know if that looks like trying too hard.

Who knows. I hold that there is a special level of hell dedicated to the design of bathers.

Me, I have quite a different problem: am, ehem, fuller figured but do not wish to attire self like staid, nazy-blue-and-cream-preferring battleship of an elderly lady.

Demelza's analysis of ocd made me dance and hoot with its Bolshie feminist bad-temperedness.

Are these crises linked, or merely concurrent?

Are you literally or figuratively writing a book on narrative? What narrative, approached how? Ooh. *fangirls*

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

I have tried all of the above bathers. The T-shirt top and bottom variety is technically known as a "tankini". Reveals too much belly for my liking. Having pushed out two babes, I do not want to inflict my flab on the world. No way, Jose. If these tank tops reached down to the knee, I might think about it.

Have tried the 'invisible support' ones. The support is, indeed, invisible. (Also, what's there to support?)

T'h suggested implants. Or stuffing something down my front. *snorts*

Will just have to pretend that lithe gamine look is height of fashionable androgyny instead of flat-as-the-Nullarbor dag look it actually is.

Full-figure but not wanting to be Mrs-Wainthropp dilemma sounds like pregnant-but-not wanting to be Stepford Wife dilemma.

I hate fashion designers.

Yes, and go go go, Demelza!!!

Crises are definitely concurrent and possibly interlinked.

Am literally writing book on Visual Narrative in European Painting, 1860-1900. Have not got publisher yet. But this is what I had my one-year leave for: to research that book in t'reference library. Overlap with fanfic musings did occur. *g*

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

I forgot to mention cozzies that reveal the short'n'curlies.

Now I love curls. Of all types. But I do not love to reveal my nether curls to the world at large.

*hates high-cut bathers*

[brightest-blue.livejournal.com]

Ugh. I hate trying on bathing suits. I always seem to just "settle," I'm never thrilled. Still, take comfort from the fact that no one can look as horrible as my poor, pregnant sister last Christmas in Hawaii in her gaudy, floral, "maternity" bathing suit. *shudders*

Sorry you're having a crummy day. *hugs*

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Bathing costume designers are Evil Bints from Hell.

It's enough to make anyone want to convert to orthodox Islam.

[bunnysquee.livejournal.com]

In other news, am sort of irritable.

am sorry to hear you're out of sorts. i hate feeling like that too, things falling apart, things not going as planned, feeling helpless about everything. i hope things get sorted out smoothly and speedily.

[viva-gloria.livejournal.com]

I envy you Zakynthos. So not fair.

All bathing costumes are designed for skinny pre-adolescents with no personality or pubes The least-comical one I own comes from Marks and Spencer and gives me more cleavage than I can shake a stick at, should I feel like shaking a stick. (Actually, perhaps this is some ghastly het metaphor bubbling up from my subconscious). Their plunge-neck crossover ones seem quite flattering on most figures (especially those with less-than-taut abs).

Oh, and it comes in stripes. V. Orlandish. Except that I now recall that Orlandish means something quite unconnected with stripes.

Have a delicious time with the Iliad, dear Lobelia!

[msilverstar]

That thing about his dad, very very weird. And I'm glad it came out before I posted a story, as it was an important plot point. Must adjust. Isn't this a little like Liv's dad thing? And for that matter, Sean Astin?

Hugs on the crisis-irritability, someone once said that nothing's ever really fixed...

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

Oh, Orli...

*sigh*

During the sixties my mum met Mick Jagger in the changing rooms of the Biba shop in London. This has no relevance to anything; it's just the boutique thing reminded me. But just think what could have happened if her self-conscious friend hadn't immediately dragged her out of the shop! Mick Jagger could have been my father! Except I wouldn't be me.

Sorry about the crises. :(

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Mick Jagger! Biba! Ned Kelly! Frocks!

Wild train of associations!