oh kaká

( pics )

old fandoms never die, they just hibernate

Perhaps it is because I've still got unfinished fic in that fandom, or perhaps it is that in moments of crisis (although how I am in a crisis at the moment is not quite clear, or how I am in more of a crisis than I was, say, two weeks ago -- but perhaps this turning to an old fandom is in itself a symptom of an otherwise as-yet unnoticed crisis?) I turn to my entry fandom and the one I loved most of all,

whatever the rhyme or the reason, I woke up thinking of The Never-Posted Fic that Doesn't Even Have a Name. My Karl/Dom epic. (Or was it called opus? No, hang on, t'opus is my Draco/Dudley/Harry opus. Gotta get my fandoms and unfinished sagas straight here.) I thought of the Never-Posted Epic's epilogue, about how Karl and Dom had both got older and stouter and how in the real world, omg, they were actually getting older and stouter, too (this comes from leaving Never-Posted Fics languishing too long: the AU'ness turns into canon!). So then I hopped over to Karl_Daily and Dom_Daily to find out what they look like now, and omg, the nostalgia.

But it is only nostalgia. I can remember the love and excitement I felt but I can't actually feel it anymore. 'tis gone, gone, gone. And who would have thought that Urban would end in such a raft of trashy, fourth-rate costume movies ('The Pathfinder'! Where he is half-viking, half-native American! *gags*) Ah, the disappointment after his arty-farty beginnings in 'Price of Milk'.

But here's what I ogled:

Pics of Dom in a tie (incl. the ones with Jed in the background, sigh)

Elijah and Dom on youtube omg, if they'd had youtube back in the days of 2002 I would have literally imploded. But they didn't, so I survive.

I can't even bring myself to link the ones with Karl pics. The man has not aged phenomenally well. Bizarrely, it's Elijah, a fellow I always abhorred in the days of Fandom, who comes off best in all of this. Hmph.

Not-Finished Sagas/Epics/Opera ('cos that's the plural of opus, and I am a pretentious pedant) Wot I Cannot Get Out of My Head and Want to Finish Before I Die:

• Karl/Dom epic

• Draco/Dudley/Harry opus

• The Desert Prince (possibly un-AU'ed and simply morphed into the origfic it secretly always was; the character called 'Sean Bean' in that fic is in reality called 'Oolong' and came fully formed into a dream I had when I was 16 years of age)

• My wraith island fic! Why is that taking so long??!!! I was on a roll in the summer there at some point, penning fic, finishing fic, posting fic. What happened? Why am I stuck on wraith island? Oh, John Sheppard. Oh, Don Piano.

procrastination disease

As my several postings of today indicate, I have used this day to procrastinate. And as a result I feel like shit. Because I have a tonne of stuff to do, to finish, and somehow I never seem to finish anything. My book's not finished, the book review that was due in December 2005 (sic) isn't finished, the article I have to revise isn't finished, none of the fics I'm currently not-writing is finished -- and I haven't even prepared my teaching today. All I managed to do was the shopping, and that just makes me feel like a domestic drudge and intellectual failure.

What do people do out there to finish stuff?

I have the feeling that this disease has been haunting me for years now, the not-finishing disease. Is there some deep-down psychological motivation behind it? Am I afraid that finishing something means death? Or am I afraid of the success that comes with finishing? I finished football fics in the summer, and they made me feel fantastic. I also finished a handful of SGA fics, and especially the experimental ones made me feel really proud. But I somehow can't use that as a model. Instead of saying, 'look, I finished those, and I'll finish these, too!', I say, 'I'm crap, look at these zillion of unfinished things, they will be millstones around my neck forever'.