origfic wot?

The evol sheldrake has once again lured me into hours of vague web meandering productive research and it has occurred to me that breaking into origfic is a weird thing for us fanfic writers. Because there are a lot of short-story competitions out there and invitations to submit work and calls to send in samples of writing -- and I'm thinking, argh, I haven't got a single thing. I am like a newborn babe in the woods -- yet I have been writing dozens of stories for five years! I have a pile of stories, a whole A4 ringbinder full of posted print-outs and another two ringbinders full of wip -- yet is any of this sendable, submissible, competitionable?

No!

That is the oddness of being an experienced short-story writer yet having nothing to show The Real World for it.

Apart from that, I see little difference between orig and fan. Except for the presence of penes, of course. (Note the pretentious plural.)

Upon three seconds of reflection, I rescind the above sweeping statements. A few more differences did occur to me. But the sentence looks a fine flourish as it is so I won't hit delete.

cristiano ronaldo mobile phone game

So, um, yes. There is, believe it or not, a Cristiano Ronaldo Underworld Football Game to be downloaded and played on one's mobile.

I am saved by having a decrepit phone that can only ring and txt.

You others have probably been playing this for the past three months, yes?

I swear I was only looking for the Kidderminster Harriers. (P.S. In order to research, yes research, a football origfic. It is the most shamelessly Mary Sue fic I have written to date. Do you want to read it when finished? If finished?)

But the image of Cristiano Ronaldo with a bosomy evil vixen demoness on his shoulders... 1111 And him having to chip in balls in what looks like an Atlantean ice cave.

Is this now canon? Can we now write Cristiano/orc?

Arsene/Jose 4 evah

Also, the Brazil/Portugal game has now sold out! *clutches tickets to bosom*

Wenger will be there, he is apparently 'licking his lips' (phwoar). And maybe Mourinho will come to support his country, eh? omg, I'll be sharing a space with José Mourinho, Mister Oozing-teh-sex in his calf-length black coat.

So I just spent ten minutes making a Mourinho icon. It's not as if there's anything else going on in my life.

*has moment of senseless drooling over five-o-clock shadow, Armani coats and scarves, brooding vein in temple, manly salt-and-pepper haircut, and the fuck-me-now complexion*

I am now drooling over managers. This was to be foreseen.

And here I thought my cup was runnething over with players. I had forgotten about Mister Portugal Sex on Legs. He will be there for sure, will he not? I wonder where he will sit?? Perhaps next to Arsène somewhere above the dug-out...? *has apoplexy*


At the Brazil/Portugal friendly one night

Arsène: "Hm, that Paulo Ferreira is coming along nicely. Perhaps we can poach him away from you sometime?"

José: "No but thank you. Your Gilberto is also playing well tonight."

Arsène: "And not to forget your Ricardo Carvalho. So he has recovered from his traumatisme testiculaire?"

José: "Well, Arsène, I do not know what you mean with traumatism but thank you, yes, he has quite recovered. But if I get my hands on that Rooney oaf who dared to manhandle my player, my player, I will... I will surely..."

Arsène: "Please, José, becalm yourself. We are not in the dug-out right now. Also, your compatriote Cristiano Ronaldo is playing quite nicely."

José: "Yes, he is, isn't he?"

Arsène: "Yes."

[short dreamy silence]

José: "I would like to buy him."

Arsène: "Me, too."

José: "Ah, did you see that pass?"

Arsène: "That header."

José: "Yes, headed so high that his shirt, it did, how do you say?"

Arsène: "Yes, it did."

José: "Ah."

Arsène: " "Ah."

José: "I am feeling somewhat testicular traumatism myself now."

Arsène: "Are you available for a little post-match hospitality? This is my stadium, after all..."

José: "But what will Felipe say??"



Note to them as don't share t'obsession: José Mourinho is the drop-dead gorgeous Portuguese manager of Chelsea. Arséne Wenger is the suavely cool French manager of Arsenal. Felipe Scolari is the Brazilian manager of Portugal. Gilberto is a Brazilian player for Arsenal. Paulo Ferreira and Ricardo Carvalho are Portuguese players for Chelsea. Wayne Rooney is an English player for Manchester United who stomped on Carvalho's balls during the World Cup 2006 (in a fit of jealousy over Cristiano Ronaldo). Cristiano Ronaldo is Wayne Rooney's Portuguese team mate and lust-buddy at Man United.

God, typing this up has made me realise what an internationally convolvulated tangle football is. Ah, the allegiances and cross-allegiances! It's like Barbie dolls, only better!

( pics )