i am a bad fan: how did i not know this? Cristiano = dad!

Apparently, Cristiano Ronaldo is now a father!!!

• How did I not know this??!

• How did anybody not know this?

• Well, this baby was not produced by a WAG!

• This baby was produced by an 'anonymous American'.

• The dad has exclusive custody.

• The dad, in true webs-fashion, announced the news (get this) on Twitter. And Facebook.

How, I ask you, is this not fanfic sprung to life? I mean 'anonymous American...' We all know what that's a euphemism for.

!!!