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Everyone, thank you so much for your comments. It's been so lovely to read your supportive comments. Please don't feel you need to keep reading as I'm now using this mainly to sort stuff out in my own head so it's ramble, ramble, ramble. And as kind souls have now taught me how to do a DW cut-tag: <cut text="cut text">
It's now six days down the line and I've calmed down somewhat (though not completely). Still feel somewhat agitated and wake up too early. On Sunday, I channeled the anger by doing furious hoovering and dusting and putting up posters so that was at least a positive thing. I'm feeling more positive in general. This remarrying thing can work to my advantage: at least, t'h won't try to move back into my house because (I'm gathering) she probably won't let him.
The internet told me that a thing called No Contact exists where you cut all communication after a break-up. The internet emphasises that this is to help you to move on but a lot of internet peeps use it as revenge or punishment or to try and get back together. One thing I know, though, is that I don't want to get back together. I'm also not the one who was dumped; in the end, I did the breaking up, hard as it was. Hard as it is to take responsibility entirely for myself - hard but also exhilarating. I don't need to care if he approves; and I don't need to care if he disapproves. I'm not quite there yet but I'm working towards friendly indifference.
Anyway, some of the No-Contact resonated with me as it's a relief not to feel I need to respond to anything. Interestingly, not much contact has been initiated. I've not received a single text or email. Today there were three attempts to ring me but I didn't pick up; no message was left. On Monday, he appeared outside the house but I was on my bike and said 'Got to go' and cycled off.
I do feel awkward about instituting any sort of 'no-contact' programme without informing him of it. But I don't quite know what to say. Also, I think the no-contact thing is not entirely feasible within a divorce with children. But I do want to lower contact, and I do want to cut all emotional contact - this is hard, though, if he barges in with it so I prefer to withdraw as much as I can. Of course, next month our son graduates so we'll both be at the ceremony, and then t'son wants to go to a celebratory dinner with us (I dread it a bit... ).
I saw friends all weekend and on Monday, to avoid the trap of sitting around despondently. One of them recced a solicitor she used; that one has retired but another one from the same firm sounded quite nice on the phone (I did see another solicitor last week but I didn't get on with her; rather prim and intimidating, in a well-cut black suit and clickety-heels; made me feel dowdy). I fear the money side (I have no savings to speak of) but I also fear doing this stuff, heavy-duty property and financial stuff, without legal advice. So in my guts I feel more comfortable with a solicitor.
I drafted a long email outlining to t'h in detail what I wanted to do and not do but won't send it in its present form; but it's a useful guide. At some point, I'll need to tell him that I'm going to see a solicitor; he has been dead set against me going to solicitors - but then I keep telling myself: it's not up to him to decide this for me.
In fact, I'm no longer responsible for his well-being. And knowing that there is a new serious relationship in the wings for him makes it easier for me to accept this.
It's now six days down the line and I've calmed down somewhat (though not completely). Still feel somewhat agitated and wake up too early. On Sunday, I channeled the anger by doing furious hoovering and dusting and putting up posters so that was at least a positive thing. I'm feeling more positive in general. This remarrying thing can work to my advantage: at least, t'h won't try to move back into my house because (I'm gathering) she probably won't let him.
The internet told me that a thing called No Contact exists where you cut all communication after a break-up. The internet emphasises that this is to help you to move on but a lot of internet peeps use it as revenge or punishment or to try and get back together. One thing I know, though, is that I don't want to get back together. I'm also not the one who was dumped; in the end, I did the breaking up, hard as it was. Hard as it is to take responsibility entirely for myself - hard but also exhilarating. I don't need to care if he approves; and I don't need to care if he disapproves. I'm not quite there yet but I'm working towards friendly indifference.
Anyway, some of the No-Contact resonated with me as it's a relief not to feel I need to respond to anything. Interestingly, not much contact has been initiated. I've not received a single text or email. Today there were three attempts to ring me but I didn't pick up; no message was left. On Monday, he appeared outside the house but I was on my bike and said 'Got to go' and cycled off.
I do feel awkward about instituting any sort of 'no-contact' programme without informing him of it. But I don't quite know what to say. Also, I think the no-contact thing is not entirely feasible within a divorce with children. But I do want to lower contact, and I do want to cut all emotional contact - this is hard, though, if he barges in with it so I prefer to withdraw as much as I can. Of course, next month our son graduates so we'll both be at the ceremony, and then t'son wants to go to a celebratory dinner with us (I dread it a bit... ).
I saw friends all weekend and on Monday, to avoid the trap of sitting around despondently. One of them recced a solicitor she used; that one has retired but another one from the same firm sounded quite nice on the phone (I did see another solicitor last week but I didn't get on with her; rather prim and intimidating, in a well-cut black suit and clickety-heels; made me feel dowdy). I fear the money side (I have no savings to speak of) but I also fear doing this stuff, heavy-duty property and financial stuff, without legal advice. So in my guts I feel more comfortable with a solicitor.
I drafted a long email outlining to t'h in detail what I wanted to do and not do but won't send it in its present form; but it's a useful guide. At some point, I'll need to tell him that I'm going to see a solicitor; he has been dead set against me going to solicitors - but then I keep telling myself: it's not up to him to decide this for me.
In fact, I'm no longer responsible for his well-being. And knowing that there is a new serious relationship in the wings for him makes it easier for me to accept this.