a post of prediction spoilers
Dec. 19th, 2003 11:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lobelia321I have not yet seen RotK. So the time for me to spoiler has not yet run out.
Here's a review of the film from one who has not yet seen it. (I mean, simple ignorance should stop nobody, right?)
If nothing else, it will be interesting to check whether my prophetic powers are still functioning. Oh, and my family really got into it, too, so here's thanks to their creative input into
. Rotk predictions, both of plot and of my own reactions.
Prediction nr 1:
There will be swelling music at both the end, the beginning and at intervals throughout. There will be a new Minas Tirith theme (as there was a new Rohan theme in TTT).
Prediction nr 2:
TTT began with snow. RotK will begin with fire.
Prediction nr 3:
Towards the end, there will be a shot of the desolate wastes of Mordor with one green shoot emerging from the crust, David-Attenborough-style. (I like this one particularly. It comes courtesy of t'h.)
Prediction nr 4:
The last words will be "I'm home". Alternatively, there could be a shot of the horizon and the sea towards Westernesse.
Prediction nr 5:
There will be much furrowing of Legolas's brow.
Prediction nr 6:
There will be much flopping of Aragorn's hair into his face.
Prediction nr 7:
Peter Jackson's children will re-spawn as Gondorean kids (after having been smuggled in as hobbits and Rohirrim).
Prediction nr 8:
There will be a shot silhouetting Eowyn and Faramir facing each other on the parapets of Minas Tirith, with Mordor spewing fire in the background.
Prediction nr 9:
There will be battle shots with handheld camera and no music, just clanging sounds, a la Battle on the Ice in Eisenstein's Alexander Nevsky.
Prediction nr 10:
There will be tedious close-ups of Arwen's face with soft-focus effects, babbling things like "frothy bubble bath golothrithrel olothrithuthuth". These will be intercut with close-ups of Aragorn's face, saying "thuthuolothiehtuhth", and Agent Elrond doing same.
Prediction nr 11:
Gollum will continue to overact and bare his pointy teeth and veer erratically between Gollum and Smeagol. He will not develop any subtlety of acting.
Prediction nr 12:
I will be disappointed in the Cirith Ungol scene. Shelob will look like any old movie horror arthropod.
Prediction nr 13:
I will enjoy every single second of Denethor on screen. And especially any interactions between Denethor and Pippin.
Prediction nr 14:
I will be sick and tired of Frodo looking earnest and brandishing the ring at all and sundry.
Prediction nr 15:
I will cringe at overly effects-driven winged nazgul riders.
Prediction nr 16:
I will enjoy the southrons, the easterlings and other Sauron baddies.
Prediction nr 17:
I will enjoy the Gondorean warriors (see icon).
Prediction nr 18:
I will have tears oozing out of my eyes at any moment that includes swelling music (it doesn't take much to get me bawling; a Whiskas ad will do it) and at the following moments: Pippin's and Merry's separation, Pippin's and Merry's reunion, Sam saying farewell to Frodo, Gwaihir to the rescue, Merry alone on Pelennor fields with two corpses.
Prediction nr 19:
I will have to leave the theatre at least once to go and take a child to the toilet.
Prediction nr 20:
There will be manic giggles and pinchings of each other in row 2 tomorrow morning at any moment when the predictions of the Sackville-Bagginses are revealed to have come close to the mark.
Prediction nr 21:
The Ents will do a rap. T'son predicted this one so I feel duty-bound to put it in.
Prediction nr 22:
Sauron wins. T'h predicted an alternate ending with PJ walking out of an apocalyptic split-screen and addressing the audience with a political speech about the environment and New Zealand's pioneering role in matters ecological (references to the Rainbow Warrior etc.). The last words will be: "Global warming is global warning." I am inclined to predict against this one but I keep an open mind.
ETA: Prediction nr 23:
I will be annoyed at any instance of the diminishment of the love between Gimli and Legolas in favour of the spurious and putative love between Legolas and Aragorn.
Note: The musings contained in this post do not really contain movie spoilers. Because how, philosophically and logically speaking, can one spoiler something of which one has no knowledge? However, the post does contain book spoilers. Galore.
Also, feel free to tig this. But I probably will not read your comments until tomorrow afternoon (once I've seen the film) because I do not want to spoiler myself in my own LJ! Ack, the pitfalls, the pitfalls, of being a spoiler bitch who wishes to remain pure as the driven sludge.
Here's a review of the film from one who has not yet seen it. (I mean, simple ignorance should stop nobody, right?)
If nothing else, it will be interesting to check whether my prophetic powers are still functioning. Oh, and my family really got into it, too, so here's thanks to their creative input into
. Rotk predictions, both of plot and of my own reactions.
Prediction nr 1:
There will be swelling music at both the end, the beginning and at intervals throughout. There will be a new Minas Tirith theme (as there was a new Rohan theme in TTT).
Prediction nr 2:
TTT began with snow. RotK will begin with fire.
Prediction nr 3:
Towards the end, there will be a shot of the desolate wastes of Mordor with one green shoot emerging from the crust, David-Attenborough-style. (I like this one particularly. It comes courtesy of t'h.)
Prediction nr 4:
The last words will be "I'm home". Alternatively, there could be a shot of the horizon and the sea towards Westernesse.
Prediction nr 5:
There will be much furrowing of Legolas's brow.
Prediction nr 6:
There will be much flopping of Aragorn's hair into his face.
Prediction nr 7:
Peter Jackson's children will re-spawn as Gondorean kids (after having been smuggled in as hobbits and Rohirrim).
Prediction nr 8:
There will be a shot silhouetting Eowyn and Faramir facing each other on the parapets of Minas Tirith, with Mordor spewing fire in the background.
Prediction nr 9:
There will be battle shots with handheld camera and no music, just clanging sounds, a la Battle on the Ice in Eisenstein's Alexander Nevsky.
Prediction nr 10:
There will be tedious close-ups of Arwen's face with soft-focus effects, babbling things like "frothy bubble bath golothrithrel olothrithuthuth". These will be intercut with close-ups of Aragorn's face, saying "thuthuolothiehtuhth", and Agent Elrond doing same.
Prediction nr 11:
Gollum will continue to overact and bare his pointy teeth and veer erratically between Gollum and Smeagol. He will not develop any subtlety of acting.
Prediction nr 12:
I will be disappointed in the Cirith Ungol scene. Shelob will look like any old movie horror arthropod.
Prediction nr 13:
I will enjoy every single second of Denethor on screen. And especially any interactions between Denethor and Pippin.
Prediction nr 14:
I will be sick and tired of Frodo looking earnest and brandishing the ring at all and sundry.
Prediction nr 15:
I will cringe at overly effects-driven winged nazgul riders.
Prediction nr 16:
I will enjoy the southrons, the easterlings and other Sauron baddies.
Prediction nr 17:
I will enjoy the Gondorean warriors (see icon).
Prediction nr 18:
I will have tears oozing out of my eyes at any moment that includes swelling music (it doesn't take much to get me bawling; a Whiskas ad will do it) and at the following moments: Pippin's and Merry's separation, Pippin's and Merry's reunion, Sam saying farewell to Frodo, Gwaihir to the rescue, Merry alone on Pelennor fields with two corpses.
Prediction nr 19:
I will have to leave the theatre at least once to go and take a child to the toilet.
Prediction nr 20:
There will be manic giggles and pinchings of each other in row 2 tomorrow morning at any moment when the predictions of the Sackville-Bagginses are revealed to have come close to the mark.
Prediction nr 21:
The Ents will do a rap. T'son predicted this one so I feel duty-bound to put it in.
Prediction nr 22:
Sauron wins. T'h predicted an alternate ending with PJ walking out of an apocalyptic split-screen and addressing the audience with a political speech about the environment and New Zealand's pioneering role in matters ecological (references to the Rainbow Warrior etc.). The last words will be: "Global warming is global warning." I am inclined to predict against this one but I keep an open mind.
ETA: Prediction nr 23:
I will be annoyed at any instance of the diminishment of the love between Gimli and Legolas in favour of the spurious and putative love between Legolas and Aragorn.
Note: The musings contained in this post do not really contain movie spoilers. Because how, philosophically and logically speaking, can one spoiler something of which one has no knowledge? However, the post does contain book spoilers. Galore.
Also, feel free to tig this. But I probably will not read your comments until tomorrow afternoon (once I've seen the film) because I do not want to spoiler myself in my own LJ! Ack, the pitfalls, the pitfalls, of being a spoiler bitch who wishes to remain pure as the driven sludge.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-19 04:11 am (UTC)*lol*!
n.x ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-19 04:22 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-19 06:50 am (UTC)I used to cry during "Merci" chocolate commercials. Do you know them?
:)
(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-19 11:51 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-19 07:45 am (UTC)There will be much furrowing of Legolas's brow.
What on earth would make you think that?
Prediction nr 21:
The Ents will do a rap. T'son predicted this one so I feel duty-bound to put it in.
This made me laugh at the same time as eating crisps, which is inadvisable. Excuse me, I have to go and tell everyone I know about the Ent-rap now.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-19 11:51 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-21 10:59 am (UTC)Shelob is a giant spider. I mean - really giant, as big as your hand, nearly! Sam gets it in a cup with a bit of (elvish) paper and puts it out of the window (of Cirith Ungol). But Frodo faints from arachnophobia.
Then Frodo has tea with the Orcs and has quite a nice time.
Arwen refuses to appear in the film, as she is now so soft-focus she just looks blurry, and she's really embarrassed.
Peter Jackson appears as every single character who is not a member of the main cast. And he plays Gandalf some of the time.
Legolas gets new contact lenses which shoot laser beams at his enemies.
At the end of the film there is a disco and all the characters are dancing amusingly. One by one, they're frozen on the screen so we can learn what happens to them. "Galadriel faded and diminished and went into the West", "Frodo moped around Hobbiton for a bit and then went into the West", "Legolas and Gimli went into the West", Sam didn't go into the West, but then he did", etc.
I'm sorry, this is just silly.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-22 09:25 am (UTC)But brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!
I'm going to be heartbroken the next time I see ROTK and this doesn't happen.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-23 02:39 am (UTC)It doesn't? Oh, evil spoilerer! :)
(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-26 06:28 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-19 11:13 am (UTC)There will be tedious close-ups of Arwen's face with soft-focus effects, babbling things like "frothy bubble bath golothrithrel olothrithuthuth". These will be intercut with close-ups of Aragorn's face, saying "thuthuolothiehtuhth", and Agent Elrond doing same.
that made me laugh out loud - at work! i just had to lie that i got a funny e-mail from a friend. argh!
and YAY! to manic giggles and pinchings!!!1
(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-19 11:50 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-19 11:57 am (UTC)i will happily you spoil you if there is anything you want to know.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-19 12:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-19 02:15 pm (UTC)And what, no Ent-rap? *cries hysterically and tears up movie ticket*
(no subject)
Date: 2003-12-19 03:07 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-07 03:09 pm (UTC)And especially any interactions between Denethor and Pippin.
Well, now I'm curious, what did you think of the interaction? I read you loved Denethor, but you had nothing to say about the interaction. :-)
Er. I would be the impolite twit who wandered over from lotrquotes, hasn't read the book, and absolutely adored the Pippin/Denethor interaction. Tastes can differ, of course. :-)