Hah! I just clicked on that to remember what it was you were talking about, and as I don't have my old self friended as my new self (for some now cloudy reason of security/traceability) I'm NOT ALLOWED TO READ IT! Damn you, Livejournal, I can't even remember my password for my old LJ.
I think fb on old fic is the way to go. All the perks of writing, with none of the stress of actually having to write!
"Why are we doing this?" Billy said. "Because I promised my dad we would." Dom said, inspecting his stanley knife intently. "Yes, but why did you promise your dad we'd lay his living room carpet?" Billy sighed. "You could just have paid for him to get someone in to do it. In fact, I'll pay. I will go to the cash machine, and give you the money right now in crisp new notes, and someone else can do this and we can go for a pint. And you've got that the wrong way up." "Just stand over in that corner, would you?" Dom gripped his Stanley knife firmly and strode into the centre of the room. He kicked the roll of carpet experimentally. "Good stuff this. Nice...pile." Billy rolled his eyes. "You, Dom, do not know shit about pile. Do you not think we should unroll it first?" Dom held up his hand. "Sh. I am trying to ascertain the relative dimensions of the perpendicular..." "Perpendicular? Do you actually know what that means?" "Is it something to do with carpets?" "No. Now, give me the knife." Billy grabbed the knife and put it on the windowsill out of Dom's reach. "We are unrolling. Right." "Maybe you're unrolling, I'm..." "Dom." "OK! I'm unrolling!" Dom gave the roll of carpet a shove. It stayed still. "Heavy this. Because of the pile, I bet." "Do you want your knife back? Unroll!" Dom looked at the carpet, then at Billy. "I have a better idea." "You are not getting your knife back." "How about we un...dress." "And how is that getting carpet laid?" "What you have to ask yourself," Dom said, unbuttoning Billy's fly, "Is what needs laying more? The carpet, or you?" "That is a good question," Billy said, deciding on the answer.
Hmm, kitchen appliance slash, there's a thought. My new kettle sat, virgin and untouched, on the side. 'Plug me in, baby', it seemed to call, the shiny plastic smooth beneath my fingers. 'I'll get real hot for you...' 'Not as hot at this...' I said, pressing down the lever on the toaster, and watching it glow red from within. 'Burn, baby, burn!' The kettle, seeing the red light reflected on my face, began to bubble and hiss, trying to distract my attention from the browning bread. The kitchen filled with steam and smoke as the toaster, striving not to be outdone, began burning the toast furiously. There were bangs, and flashes of light from the sockets, and all was quiet. I looked at the appliances, a slow grin appearing on my face. My work here was done. I'm really not mad.
Are you getting all of this? I just pasted both of those in. But I may have mis-clicked. Is all too confusing! Best to go t'actual page.
have you ever seen Monty Python's Yorkshire men sketch, btw? A lot of t's in there! Thousands! Mostly in the form of: down t' mine (or, more accurately: down ' mine)
Oh dearie no, you DO NOT want mag. It is the paint called 'magnolia', and there's a true-life Demelza story in there about painters 'wanking in the mag' -- and I'm not sure you want to know more than that...
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(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-27 03:41 pm (UTC)I think fb on old fic is the way to go. All the perks of writing, with none of the stress of actually having to write!
(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-27 05:35 pm (UTC)The old self hasn't friended the new self... oh, the convolutions of the online life!!!
(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-27 05:36 pm (UTC)"Why are we doing this?" Billy said.
"Because I promised my dad we would." Dom said, inspecting his stanley knife intently.
"Yes, but why did you promise your dad we'd lay his living room carpet?" Billy sighed. "You could just have paid for him to get someone in to do it. In fact, I'll pay. I will go to the cash machine, and give you the money right now in crisp new notes, and someone else can do this and we can go for a pint. And you've got that the wrong way up."
"Just stand over in that corner, would you?" Dom gripped his Stanley knife firmly and strode into the centre of the room. He kicked the roll of carpet experimentally. "Good stuff this. Nice...pile."
Billy rolled his eyes. "You, Dom, do not know shit about pile. Do you not think we should unroll it first?"
Dom held up his hand. "Sh. I am trying to ascertain the relative dimensions of the perpendicular..."
"Perpendicular? Do you actually know what that means?"
"Is it something to do with carpets?"
"No. Now, give me the knife." Billy grabbed the knife and put it on the windowsill out of Dom's reach. "We are unrolling. Right."
"Maybe you're unrolling, I'm..."
"Dom."
"OK! I'm unrolling!" Dom gave the roll of carpet a shove. It stayed still. "Heavy this. Because of the pile, I bet."
"Do you want your knife back? Unroll!"
Dom looked at the carpet, then at Billy. "I have a better idea."
"You are not getting your knife back."
"How about we un...dress."
"And how is that getting carpet laid?"
"What you have to ask yourself," Dom said, unbuttoning Billy's fly, "Is what needs laying more? The carpet, or you?"
"That is a good question," Billy said, deciding on the answer.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-27 05:37 pm (UTC)Hmm, kitchen appliance slash, there's a thought.
My new kettle sat, virgin and untouched, on the side. 'Plug me in, baby', it seemed to call, the shiny plastic smooth beneath my fingers. 'I'll get real hot for you...'
'Not as hot at this...' I said, pressing down the lever on the toaster, and watching it glow red from within. 'Burn, baby, burn!'
The kettle, seeing the red light reflected on my face, began to bubble and hiss, trying to distract my attention from the browning bread. The kitchen filled with steam and smoke as the toaster, striving not to be outdone, began burning the toast furiously. There were bangs, and flashes of light from the sockets, and all was quiet. I looked at the appliances, a slow grin appearing on my face. My work here was done.
I'm really not mad.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-27 05:38 pm (UTC)have you ever seen Monty Python's Yorkshire men sketch, btw? A lot of t's in there! Thousands! Mostly in the form of: down t' mine (or, more accurately: down ' mine)
(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-27 03:41 pm (UTC)You know what this means.
mag...
(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-27 05:35 pm (UTC)Do not paint the walls in mag!!!
DO NOT!!!!!
(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-27 08:56 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-27 10:18 pm (UTC)Oh dearie no, you DO NOT want mag. It is the paint called 'magnolia', and there's a true-life Demelza story in there about painters 'wanking in the mag' -- and I'm not sure you want to know more than that...
(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-27 10:21 pm (UTC)i was thinking magenta actually!
(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-27 10:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-27 10:21 pm (UTC)