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lobelia321Title: Feature Creature, or a Tale of Cosmic Shenanigans
Author: Lobelia
Pairing: Dom, Elijah, origchar
Warning: Rps. Het. Cross-species. Incest. Silly. Quite a bit of tell not show. Some adverbs. Possible Mary Sue. Unfermented characterisation.
Rating: NC-17 for rudeness and weirdness.
Disclaimer: None of this will ever happen. Nor has it.
Spoilers: Abso-fucking-none.
Summary: Dom has to get over his Oedipus complex.
Note: For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
blithesea in grateful thanks for The Castle. I haven't forgotten. *winks* (It hasn't got Mark Ferguson in it, alas. And it got slightly out of hand....)
And wheee, my first Elijah!
-----
Suddenly, they had been transported to the moon.
"Shit," said Dom and looked about.
Elijah just went 'pop' and imploded from lack of oxygen.
"Shit," said Dom again and looked at himself. Why hadn't he imploded?
A green slimy creature emerged from behind a crater. It waved seventeen slimy tentacles. Dom knew there were seventeen because a) he had an eidetic memory for quantities, and b) he had been doodling pictures of this creature on the margins of telephone book pages ever since he could hold a biro.
"Wssssss," said the creature, if 'say' is the right word for the utterance-making happening within the caverns of its twenty-two mouths.
"Shit," said Dom again.
"Wssssss," this time more insistently, with the accompanying waving of tentacles and enfolding of Dom within its shiny fronds.
"I didn't," said Dom and gulped. "I never. I had no idea."
"Wsssss."
"That you existed."
"My long-lost son."
"And that I could understand your weird, your wssss, your speech. You said 'long-lost son', oh shit, oh shit."
"Yeeeesss. Why else do you think you did not impale when to the moon coming?"
"Implode. You mean implode. But... Oh, fucking shit."
The creature, unperturbed by profanity, stroked Dom tenderly with sixteen of its tentacles. The seventeenth deftly inched its way behind Dom's waistband. Dom was wearing only boxer shorts, nothing else. He and Elijah had been getting up to 'things' when the unfortunate teleporting incident occurred.
Before Dom could say 'wssss', the creature had brought him to orgasm. It wasn't a particularly earth-shattering orgasm (which isn't a surprise as Earth wasn't there to be shattered) but it was Dom's first orgasm in outer space so it had a certain il-ne-sait-quoi about it.
"But..." Dom said weakly. "You can't do that. Mum."
"Yessss, why not?" woozed the creature.
"Is that what you do, then? On Xerxon?" Dom knew it had to be Xerxon because that was the planet he'd made up when doodling the creature throughout all those years.
"Indeeeed. And now, my son, join me in my kettle-shaped space craft and let us journey together into the moonset."
So they did.
Two years later, some astronauts landed on the moon and found the scattered fragments of human flesh. They collected them all up, shipped them to the mother planet and stitched them back together again, using a newly-invented technique of genetic melding. Elijah sprang from his medi-bed only five-and-a-half-weeks later. It took him a while to get used to everything having gone on for two years without him and to everyone being two years older. And, of course, to the mysterious disappearance of Dom.
On nights with a full moon, Elijah took to sitting at his window and gazing forlornly into the ether. Sometimes he would howl surreptitiously.
Thus things went on for nineteen-and-two-quarter years.
Then, one evening, as Elijah was celebrating his forty-sixth birthday (it was his forty-eighth, actually, but he never counted those two lost lunar years), there was a 'pop' in his garden. (He was living in Little Barking, Sheffordshire, at the time and working in the regional county office, having suffered drastic stage and camera nerves after his reassembly as genetic New Man.)
Elijah left his friends in the living room (just a small group of colleagues and local folk) and walked onto the grass. He was gripped by a strange premonition.
And yes, indeed: there was a five-foot-seven, frog-green octopus-thingy next to the azalea bush.
Elijah blinked and looked more closely.
"Dom?" he said.
"Wsssss," uttered the creature.
"What's happened to you?"
"Wsssss," uttered the creature and waved its arms, or whatever they were. There seemed to be a lot of them, too. They were upsetting some of Elijah's hanging baskets.
"I can't understand you," said Elijah. "Have you forgotten how to speak English?"
The creature stumbled forwards and embraced Elijah in all of its slithering arm attachments.
"Okay," mumbled Elijah. "Fair enough. Love knows no limitations of language and all that. But Dom: things can't be what they once were between us."
The creature sprang back and fell into the ornamental pond.
"It's been too long," said Elijah. "We can't just pick up where we left off. I've changed and you've, er... changed."
The creature scrambled about a bit and indignantly started shaking a longish appendage at Elijah.
"Well, I assume that's your penis or whatever," said Elijah. "But really, you can't expect me to..."
Then the full moon came out from behind a cumulus nimbus, and the combination of moonlight and pond water was enough to change the creature into a human.
"Oh my god," said Elijah. "Who are you? And what have you done with Dom?"
"Ooooh, he's told me lotssss about you," cooed the pendulous-breasted apparition. "So I to come wanted down to try you out for myselfff. If my ssson you likesss, I'm sure I will, toooooo."
"Your what? Your..." But the rest of Elijah's words were lost inside the mouth of the flaxen-locked wench.
So Elijah found heterosexual bliss with Dom's alien mother from the planet Xerxon while Dom did whatever Doms do in the tepidly mauve waters and among the psychedelic floating boulders of his cosmic home.
One thing is sure, though. He wasn't thinking about Elijah. He was just glad that his mum was finally out of his hair. And, as he'd long ago discovered, four-limbed smooth-skinned hard-cocked human made one hell of a lethal combination with seventeen-tentacled sinuous-lipped and multi-orificed creature feature.
Oooh yeah.
----
The End of this Silly Fic
6 March 2004
Gracing this madness with a Header seems absurdly incongruous. *giggles*
Author: Lobelia
Pairing: Dom, Elijah, origchar
Warning: Rps. Het. Cross-species. Incest. Silly. Quite a bit of tell not show. Some adverbs. Possible Mary Sue. Unfermented characterisation.
Rating: NC-17 for rudeness and weirdness.
Disclaimer: None of this will ever happen. Nor has it.
Spoilers: Abso-fucking-none.
Summary: Dom has to get over his Oedipus complex.
Note: For
blithesea in grateful thanks for The Castle. I haven't forgotten. *winks* (It hasn't got Mark Ferguson in it, alas. And it got slightly out of hand....)And wheee, my first Elijah!
-----
Suddenly, they had been transported to the moon.
"Shit," said Dom and looked about.
Elijah just went 'pop' and imploded from lack of oxygen.
"Shit," said Dom again and looked at himself. Why hadn't he imploded?
A green slimy creature emerged from behind a crater. It waved seventeen slimy tentacles. Dom knew there were seventeen because a) he had an eidetic memory for quantities, and b) he had been doodling pictures of this creature on the margins of telephone book pages ever since he could hold a biro.
"Wssssss," said the creature, if 'say' is the right word for the utterance-making happening within the caverns of its twenty-two mouths.
"Shit," said Dom again.
"Wssssss," this time more insistently, with the accompanying waving of tentacles and enfolding of Dom within its shiny fronds.
"I didn't," said Dom and gulped. "I never. I had no idea."
"Wsssss."
"That you existed."
"My long-lost son."
"And that I could understand your weird, your wssss, your speech. You said 'long-lost son', oh shit, oh shit."
"Yeeeesss. Why else do you think you did not impale when to the moon coming?"
"Implode. You mean implode. But... Oh, fucking shit."
The creature, unperturbed by profanity, stroked Dom tenderly with sixteen of its tentacles. The seventeenth deftly inched its way behind Dom's waistband. Dom was wearing only boxer shorts, nothing else. He and Elijah had been getting up to 'things' when the unfortunate teleporting incident occurred.
Before Dom could say 'wssss', the creature had brought him to orgasm. It wasn't a particularly earth-shattering orgasm (which isn't a surprise as Earth wasn't there to be shattered) but it was Dom's first orgasm in outer space so it had a certain il-ne-sait-quoi about it.
"But..." Dom said weakly. "You can't do that. Mum."
"Yessss, why not?" woozed the creature.
"Is that what you do, then? On Xerxon?" Dom knew it had to be Xerxon because that was the planet he'd made up when doodling the creature throughout all those years.
"Indeeeed. And now, my son, join me in my kettle-shaped space craft and let us journey together into the moonset."
So they did.
Two years later, some astronauts landed on the moon and found the scattered fragments of human flesh. They collected them all up, shipped them to the mother planet and stitched them back together again, using a newly-invented technique of genetic melding. Elijah sprang from his medi-bed only five-and-a-half-weeks later. It took him a while to get used to everything having gone on for two years without him and to everyone being two years older. And, of course, to the mysterious disappearance of Dom.
On nights with a full moon, Elijah took to sitting at his window and gazing forlornly into the ether. Sometimes he would howl surreptitiously.
Thus things went on for nineteen-and-two-quarter years.
Then, one evening, as Elijah was celebrating his forty-sixth birthday (it was his forty-eighth, actually, but he never counted those two lost lunar years), there was a 'pop' in his garden. (He was living in Little Barking, Sheffordshire, at the time and working in the regional county office, having suffered drastic stage and camera nerves after his reassembly as genetic New Man.)
Elijah left his friends in the living room (just a small group of colleagues and local folk) and walked onto the grass. He was gripped by a strange premonition.
And yes, indeed: there was a five-foot-seven, frog-green octopus-thingy next to the azalea bush.
Elijah blinked and looked more closely.
"Dom?" he said.
"Wsssss," uttered the creature.
"What's happened to you?"
"Wsssss," uttered the creature and waved its arms, or whatever they were. There seemed to be a lot of them, too. They were upsetting some of Elijah's hanging baskets.
"I can't understand you," said Elijah. "Have you forgotten how to speak English?"
The creature stumbled forwards and embraced Elijah in all of its slithering arm attachments.
"Okay," mumbled Elijah. "Fair enough. Love knows no limitations of language and all that. But Dom: things can't be what they once were between us."
The creature sprang back and fell into the ornamental pond.
"It's been too long," said Elijah. "We can't just pick up where we left off. I've changed and you've, er... changed."
The creature scrambled about a bit and indignantly started shaking a longish appendage at Elijah.
"Well, I assume that's your penis or whatever," said Elijah. "But really, you can't expect me to..."
Then the full moon came out from behind a cumulus nimbus, and the combination of moonlight and pond water was enough to change the creature into a human.
"Oh my god," said Elijah. "Who are you? And what have you done with Dom?"
"Ooooh, he's told me lotssss about you," cooed the pendulous-breasted apparition. "So I to come wanted down to try you out for myselfff. If my ssson you likesss, I'm sure I will, toooooo."
"Your what? Your..." But the rest of Elijah's words were lost inside the mouth of the flaxen-locked wench.
So Elijah found heterosexual bliss with Dom's alien mother from the planet Xerxon while Dom did whatever Doms do in the tepidly mauve waters and among the psychedelic floating boulders of his cosmic home.
One thing is sure, though. He wasn't thinking about Elijah. He was just glad that his mum was finally out of his hair. And, as he'd long ago discovered, four-limbed smooth-skinned hard-cocked human made one hell of a lethal combination with seventeen-tentacled sinuous-lipped and multi-orificed creature feature.
Oooh yeah.
----
The End of this Silly Fic
6 March 2004
Gracing this madness with a Header seems absurdly incongruous. *giggles*
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-06 07:18 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-06 08:35 am (UTC)and slightly spookily, i have the word "eidetiker" noted down in the very very rough draft of a new fic. i wanted to be the first person in fandom to use this word!! waaaaahhh!!
n.x :)
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-06 10:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-06 04:18 pm (UTC)<3. Mwah!
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-06 07:08 pm (UTC)I should point out though, that this isn't quite your first Elijah. You put him in that blowjob fic where his section was written entirely in teeny txt-spk. And now you implode him in the third sentence - I don't know which is worse. You naughty slash-writing person! :)
But I'm not sure what else there is to say about this story. It is simply sublime. Sublime, I say!
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-06 10:32 pm (UTC)freakone getting his Just Desserts.Is your teapot-shaped spaceship a subtle nod to There and Back Again, a witty science-fiction remix of The Hobbit? Or (as seems much more likely) not?
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-07 03:17 am (UTC)