upset

[lobelia321]

This will upset you.



I stumbled upon my first online death today.

omichan (whom I never met) died, aged 20, shot in America.

Reading her LJ is eerie: the chirpy, ironic userinfo and fun icons and then suddenly someone else's voice, announcing her death.

I really don't know what to say or feel.

Comments

[lazulus]

I had exactly that reaction when I saw that link. Very very unsettling and upsetting. It must happen more than one personally knows though. Someone else on my friendsfriends list died recently as well, a friend of Meg adn Heather's from the con circuit. That was incredibly sad as well.

They were both far to young.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

It's being on LJ that upsets me. The fact that her LJ still exists, as some sort of eerie memorial. And LJ, of course, is so chirpy and cheerful: it's got her daft icons and silly names and things like 'give me hot pron'. Just like a zillion other LJs: like anybody's.

Then I find the manner of her death disturbing. Shot in the head??

[bunnysquee.livejournal.com]

the really bad thing about reading something like that, well, i'm not saying this is the case here, but there have been several incidences where someone faked their own death because their online persona had got out of control.

a friend of mine unfortunately got fooled not once but twice, and when i see something like that, i wonder ...

i feel awful about being cynical, but ...

[gabbyhope.livejournal.com]

*nods*

I was going to say the same thing. Crying wolf and all that. True, it may not be the situation here, but you never know. That's the problem. That and the idea of paypal donations freaks me out.

[bunnysquee.livejournal.com]

i'm so glad you agree. i felt such a weasel for even posting my skepticism in the first place.

[gabbyhope.livejournal.com]

Nothing wrong with being realistic, hon. :)

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

This had not even occurred to me. It spooks me even more. This is the problem with the online life: who knows? Who can prove it? Well, I suppose if I were to ring up the number given there or follow up all the trails, I would be able to come to some sort of conclusion but the whole thing is still upsetting.

[gabbyhope.livejournal.com]

Yes, I agree that it is upsetting. The first fandom I was involved in six years ago had experienced a member death just before I joined, and whereas I didn't know the person, I still thought it was a shame. It wasn't until a little time went by that I began to wonder to myself.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

I have to say the more I think about it the less I like the paypal thing. It seems terribly OOC for a 20-year-old anime fan to think in those terms. Also: it's suspicious that all earlier pre-death posts are Friends-only locked. Are the Friends on the userinfo all real? How did miyuma get posting access? Who knows your LJ password?

[lazulus]

I confess that when the donation thing came up it did give me pause, but ultimately I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. But yes, people do carry out dreadful scams on the internet and it is often hard to tell when someone is sincere. It really can be such a weird medium for comunication at times and who knows whether people are who they say they are.

[gabbyhope.livejournal.com]

Very, very true. Trust No One.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Yes, see above: the paypal thing gives me terrible pause. It seems OOC for a 20-year old anime fan. Also, why are all pre-death posts Friends-only locked? Are all the Friends listed in userinfo real? This is as terrible: having to be so suspicious!

[pseudoblu.livejournal.com]

I first heard about her death at deviantArt where a person I watch posted a link to the article online. (http://abclocal.go.com/ktrk/news/071204_local_carjack.html) Now I'm starting to see all the links to the LJ.

I can understand being cynical especially after they mention where to send money, but I don't think they're lying. ::returns to lurking::

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Fair enough. But it is a disturbing facet to the online life that it leads to this kind of suspicion.

[msilverstar]

It is strangely ghost-like. Weird.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Yes, it is. Have you read everyone's skepticisms above? I'm starting to be spook-skeptic myself.

[maralily.livejournal.com]

I will add my voice to the skeptics. I have had many experiences with people pretending to die online. I have known two people I talked to who really did die and no one showed up to announce their death, because any family member or close friend would not be signing on to the dead person's LJ (with their username and passwords) to announce the said person's death if they were grieving.

Of course there is a chance I am wrong, but you know what, I really doubt it. It just doesn't sound right. You may be able to tell if it is the same person by comparing similarities in writing style, consistant typos and such.

On the other hand, if the person really did die, then that is terrible and I wish their family all the best for recovery.

If the person is faking their death, then they are very lonely, a bit disturbed and needs to spend some time completely away from the internet world for a while.

In any event, I wish that person the best and condolences to their family.

[maralily.livejournal.com]

And now I go to the link I should have gone to before. It seems real. Still, someone posting a death in a LJ? It's weird. Donating money? Ok. I dunno. Still skeptical but willing to give it benefit of the doubt. Once again, I hope her family is ok.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

I have had many experiences with people pretending to die online.

Many? Many!!??? So people do this all the time? *is weirded out*

I have known two people I talked to who really did die and no one showed up to announce their death, because any family member or close friend would not be signing on to the dead person's LJ (with their username and passwords) to announce the said person's death if they were grieving.
This too occurred to me after I made my post. I thought, shit, if anyone I knew online were to *die* would I be logging onto LJ in this fashion? It seems too squealy and girly and someone pretending to grieve who's never experienced real grief. Otoh, who knows how people react to real grief? They may well react in a squealy, girly way: such responses are unpredictable.

Still.

[maralily.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I have had four experiences with people pretending to die online. It is a way to get attention. By the way, all four cases were eventually proven to be lies. People did a little investigating and discovered the persons supposedly dead were still logging into the groups every day reading messages, and many other things. In three of the cases, someone made a new profile and contacted the "deceased" people and had long chats with them in other groups and communities. In one case the "deceased" was harrassed into coming out and admitting she was alive and well. That particular one was a woman who had a "family member" show up on the community board and post messages, when of course, it was really her. The "family member" sent a link to a news story involving a woman in her home state who had died in an auto accident.

People grieved about her death. She had been part on this online community for three years. People felt they knew her well. There was much sadness. Many people had suspicions though. Finally, I called the newspaper that reported the auto accident story. I told them there was a woman pretending to be that accident victim online and I would like to have a couple of not-published details. I got them. I spoke to the "family member" and brought up these details, then threw in a few of my own. "Family member" revealed herself as a big fat liar. Finally, after much hounding, she admitted that she made it all up.

Yes, this happens all the time. It is the reason I don't take most online relationships seriously. If it sounds like bullshit; it probably is.

On the chance that I am wrong, then I am an asshole in this case, I just don't believe it.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Interesting. And terrible. I can see now why I started to be keen on meeting my online acquaintance. It really is only face-to-face that you can start to get any handle on someone (and even that is open to misunderstanding, as we all know!). The online life lived through text alone, backed up by no physical cues, is even more open to exploitations of trust. Well, I despise all those people who fake things, making us suspicious of those who may be for real.