overused but much-loved erotic fanfic words

[lobelia321]

Recently, isiscolo, resonant8 and thefourthvine have posted rants about overused fanfic words. I found these highly entertaining to read, and the overused words (clever fingers, scoot, talented mouth) are certainly cross-fandom, as far as my tiny sum of experience shows.

My particular bugbears are:

- undulate (Orlando tends to do this a lot)
- tangle (tongues tangling, fingers tangling in hair)
- hissing (when people hiss things that do not have sibilants in them; can one really 'hiss' the word "oh", for example??)
- 'Want more, want you.' (already listed in the abovementioned threads but I hate this one so much, it's on a par with:)
- 'Bed. Now.' ( Military camp comes to sex talk.)

However, what I really wanted to post about it here were overused but much-loved fanfic words. As ineke and angela_la_la pointed out in the abovementioned threads, some of these overused words pack considerable erotic punch; they push the sexy buttons and have a sort of Pavlovian effect, putting the reader in the mood. This is certainly what happens to me.

Words I particularly adore and can't get enough of, no matter how often I see them written:

- hungry (of mouth, of eyes, of anything)

- mouth (this word is the single most erotic word in the English language for me; I don't know, the combination of 'ow' and the lisp-sound and the soft 'm' at the beginning, it's just swoonsome; so if a guy says 'Give me your mouth' in a fic, I am melted, I am.)

- sweet (I cannot read enough of sweet; a properly dosed 'sweet' is just divine, especially when paired with an unlikely other word, like 'sweet and wild' or with any part of the anatomy: sweet mouth, sweet arse, sweet sweat, oh anything; maybe it's the combination of a sugary-girly-cutesy word with the manly sex that I find so irresistible)

- moan (when the boys start moaning, I am lost; I can cope with a certain amount of groaning; I am allergic to grunting and growling, especially if it's Viggo who is doing the growling -- but moaning, oh, oh yes)

- oh (a well-placed 'oh' is gorgeous, simply gorgeous, with its implications of lost control and surprise)

- oh god (this is a heightening of a simple 'oh'; I used the staggered 'oh's and 'oh god's in "Up Shit Creek" and they still give me the shivers; first Billy says 'oh', and after a sentence, he says 'oh god' -- oh god!)

- helpless (this is another one like 'sweet', which puts something soft and 'feminine' into the context of the manly; it also implies loss of control so it goes nicely with all sorts of moaning and sayings of 'oh')

- lust (this just says it all; a spade is a spade, no buggering about with desire [although this is a word I also like] but a monosyllabic, straightforward word with tremendous drive)

- bliss (well, this used sparingly is very lovely, especially when said of orgasms - I am such a romantic mooshball, I really am)

- saying something quickly (there is something about this dialogue ploy: "How about a beer?" X. asked. "Okay," Q. said quickly. It implies that the speaker is holding something back but is actually, deep down, faint with lust. And it's an adverb.)

- lazily (Another adverb! I do love people 'kissing lazily' or 'fucking lazily' or doing anything lazily, really. It conjures up two guys being relaxed with each other, or it evokes a particular kind of personality that appeals to me.)

All of these work for me in combination, too: sweet hungry mouths and lazy lust, oh god yes!

In addition, there are some words that are overused but where I think it is a pity that they are overused, and where it is also perhaps inevitable. Non-sexual words include 'smirk'. I like to read and write characters who smirk, and there aren't that many synonyms in the English language. So I do realise that 'smirk' is overused and that especially Draco smirks non-stop (when he's not 'sneering') but what to substitute?

As to sexual words, here I think there is a limit to inventiveness. After all, there are only so many ways to have sex if you possess a human anatomy. There are more words for describing these ways than there are ways but still, once you've run the gamut of cock, prick, dick and penis, you're into the territory of 'towering manhood' and, for me, those overdone metaphors only work in AU or in crack!fic.

(Small aside, in response to a conversation I had with resonant8: I happen to like the word 'penis' which to me is a nice word that conjures up a nice relationship of penis-owner to penis and that is midway between obscene (cock) and infantile (willie). I know that some find it too medical and un-erotic but to me it evokes a vulnerability that I quite like. If it fits in with tone and voice.)

I also quite tend to like dirty sex. Too often in fic, the sex is sanitised, and I've read some stories where characters' jog to the shower before, after and ideally during the act is almost obsessive. I like the sweat of sex, and the smell, and the viscousness of come (though, in my experience, come is not 'sticky', as it so often is in fic); I loved shinysparkly's fics which had men fucking in mud and rain, and, in one memorable instance, in a manure-covered stable.

Still, I also like the non-realism of fic sex. I come here to live fantasies so I'm not bothered if the men seem like women with cocks or if nobody ever needs an enema. I recently read a discussion where somebody, a man (I forget the lj username) said he found a lot of slash unrealistic because men didn't feel their prostate glands like that and men didn't do something or other. I don't care. And if sex often isn't the Hollywood version of swoonsome moaning, sweet mouths, hot lust and helpless bliss in real life, then I want it all the more in fic life. And sometimes, to be fair, sex is all that in real life, too (at least in my, again, tiny experience). And in my porn I want it to be like that all the time. I love OTT orgasms; I have written them and I will continue to write them.

But what I myself like writing combines grittiness (the fact of fucking a part of the intestines, for god's sake) with swoonsome over-the-topness (the hungry blissed-out mouths etc.)

:-)

Comments

[bunnysquee.livejournal.com]

i'm with you on the 'want' thing - 'i want you inside me' doesn't work for me. fuck already!

'hungry eyes' reminds me of that eric carmen song from a long time ago. and apparently PJ used it for background music when he made a homoerotic-implied tape of Legolas/Aragorn as Orli's parting gift! WHAH!

i'm all with the moaning. pretty boy kissing and rubbing against each other and moaning - gets me every time.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

a homoerotic-implied tape of Legolas/Aragorn as Orli's parting gift!

1111

*speechless*

Wha...?

How come I never heard about this? A homoerotic tape??? Canon??? *splutters*

Oh, and that song: is it any good? I'm not sure these words work for me in song lyrics. They need to be embedded in a slashy narrative.

[as-i-am.livejournal.com]

This is absolutely wonderful. I'm going to link to it in my journal. *grins*

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

*grins back*

Teh power of t'erotic verbiage, eh? Strong stuff, vocab.

[mandalaya.livejournal.com]

so if a guy says 'Give me your mouth' in a fic, I am melted, I am.

With you on this one, and moaning as well. And the above phrase also makes me think of an Ntozake Shange poem that I found very erotic back in high school, which ends with either "Lover, give me your mouth" or "Lover, give me your tongue."

I searched briefly for that poem online, with no luck, but I found this, which has its moments.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

I quite liked the combination of oldfashioned, Arabian-Nights language and rap-talk (or whatever it's called) in that poem.

Somehow 'tongue' is for me not an erotic word, although it certainly is an erotic thing. 'Mouth' is the swoonsome one.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

I'm also not overly fond of Zunge, which is 'tongue' in my mother tongue. I quite like the Italian lingua on the other hand, and I certainly like the way that the word is gendered in the feminine in German, French and Italian.

Hm, I hadn't thought to compile a list of German erotic words... I never get to read them, of course and alas.

[tvillingar.livejournal.com]

Can I just add that I hate anything "strategically placed"? Candles, pillows, flowers... whatever. As my flat is still in chaos, the only strategically placed objects are the tv and the computer (=near the sockets in the wall).

Also, Draco seems unable to speak normally: he usually drawls. It makes me think about drooling, which isn't always a bad thing but I like my Draco without a bib hanging around his neck.

Now that I've started, I'll also add "simple" to the list of irritating words. It's usually used when the writer is describing someone's hairstyle or clothes or the room a character is in. Who cares about Snape's simple dress robes or Harry's simple haircut? Gaah! I don't know why this irritates me so but it does.

[tvillingar.livejournal.com]

Oh and let's not forget "rapidly cooling bodies". What, are they dead?

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

I do have a fondness for 'simply said'.

"I love you," he said simply.

I don't know why I like that. When I analyse it, the adverb is superfluous and I'm not even sure what tone of voice it describes. But still, it gives me that little tingle so analysis will have to fly on out of the window on this one. :-)

[viva-gloria.livejournal.com]

Suspect the 'Bad Words' thing is very variable: a couple of your favourites really vex me, and I confess to a fondness for tangling ...

What I particularly loathe is people using words that either are completely wrong, but are spelled correctly ("melted under his menstruations", "a bugle in his pants" -- both actual fic examples) or are used incorrectly or imprecisely (had an example, has totally gone out of my head: but from Real Life, 'erstwhile' used to mean 'ongoing' rather than 'once, former').

Depending on mood, I can also loathe the appearance of words such as 'glairy' (my new favourite, which I am weeding out of everything I write). Precision is one thing, and sometimes the right word isn't well-known: bloody-minded obscurity is fun quite another.

As for realism, fuck realism. No one in slash ever farts.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Yes, I agree, of course, but you are veering into bad!grammar rant which is a different kind of rant. Anyway, I was sort of counter-ranting here because I wanted to celebrate the overused words that I happen to adore. :-) And they're bound to differ from person to person. But the erotics of language just never ceases to amaze me, as I said somewhere else on this thread already: the power of sheer words.

And farting, hah! You know I'm going to write a fart!fic now at some point, don't you?

[kallistei.livejournal.com]

so if a guy says 'Give me your mouth' in a fic, I am melted, I am.)
You don't know me, but. That reminds me of a poem I know.

Give me your mouth. I shall adorn it with kisses,
Like a string of pearls whose opalescent sheen
Only you and I can see, out the corner of our eye.
Give me your lips again. I shall sting them to colour,
Carmine, rich and shining as forbidden fruit,
Replacing chemical colour stolen from your lips to mine.
Give me your tongue. I shall give it another home
In the dark space behind my teeth with my tongue for its mate,
And an undiscovered country to explore, to claim.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Again, as in the other poem someone linked me above: a nice Arabian-night atmosphere. I wonder whether the phrase 'give me your mouth' evokes 1001 nights...? (I love it, of course; I am writing Arabian-nights-AU-WIP!)

And I think I do know you, actually. I have certainly come across your name in various threads (maybe just lurkingly...!) and I remember thinking, hm, there's an interesting username! *g*

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

I love this discussion! I'm off to France now for a week but do please keep talking amongst yourselves, friendlets, and I look forward to reading it all upon my return!!

*hugs*

[shes-unreal.livejournal.com]

I admit I use "softly" way too fucking much.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Oh, I do like 'softly'. Again, we have too few synonyms!

[lyss-monaghan.livejournal.com]

Beautiful.

*clicks on the heart to add the Memory lol*

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Ah, the power of words, eh?

[linked over by nothing_to_say]

[justinetre.livejournal.com]

I never pick up on stuff like this, you are very smart to have noticed these things. THis was a seriously interesting read! Thank you

Re: [linked over by nothing_to_say]

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Heh, not sure it's being smart or just being obsessive. The latter I fear. So if you don't notice the words what do you notice in fics??? *interested*

[deadwillwalk.livejournal.com]

Came over via ladyjackyl. :)

This was a great read! I agree with everything you said, especially:

Still, I also like the non-realism of fic sex. I come here to live fantasies so I'm not bothered if the men seem like women with cocks or if nobody ever needs an enema. I recently read a discussion where somebody, a man (I forget the lj username) said he found a lot of slash unrealistic because men didn't feel their prostate glands like that and men didn't do something or other. I don't care. And if sex often isn't the Hollywood version of swoonsome moaning, sweet mouths, hot lust and helpless bliss in real life, then I want it all the more in fic life. And sometimes, to be fair, sex is all that in real life, too (at least in my, again, tiny experience). And in my porn I want it to be like that all the time. I love OTT orgasms; I have written them and I will continue to write them.

Yes! I don't care either. :) Thanks for the read! ♥

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Yes! Hooray for the unrealistic swoonsex!

:-)

*stares at your icon*

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

I'm of two minds about "moan." On the one hand, it is very sexy when used right. On the other hand, to me it does suggest a serious lack of control, and if that lack isn't there, then I'll respond to the word "moan" by saying, "I don't believe he really moaned there. I believe he just said 'Oh' or 'Ah' or something like that."

The same goes for "groan," only more so.

I agree with you on "mouth," and while we're quoting poetry, there's a lovely Marilyn Hacker poem (a sestina, no less, the only good one I have ever read) that ends with the line, "Open your mouth. Let me drink."

I'm excessively fond of people saying things "softly" or "quietly," even though I try to edit that out of my own stories because I recognize it as a cliche. I'm also excessively fond of "shiver," "shudder," and "shake."

I love "oh" and "oh god," as you do, and am weak at the knees for any sort of talking about how good things feel. On the other hand, nothing turns me against a story as fast as when the dirty talk turns insulting, and I have a special hatred for guys calling one another "slut," since it's insulting, implausible, and implicitly misogynistic all at the same time!

OT-- Sestinas

[gaeta.livejournal.com]

So off topic. Just wondered if you were familiar with the following sestina.



by Florence Cassen Mayers


One nation, indivisible
two-car garage
three strikes you're out
four-minute mile
five-cent cigar
six-string guitar

six-pack Bud
one-day sale
five-year warranty
two-way street
fourscore and seven years ago
three cheers

three-star restaurant
sixty-
four-dollar question
one-night stand
two-pound lobster
five-star general

five-course meal
three sheets to the wind
two bits
six-shooter
one-armed bandit
four-poster

four-wheel drive
five-and-dime
hole in one
three-alarm fire
sweet sixteen
two-wheeler

two-tone Chevy
four rms, hi flr, w/vu
six-footer
high five
three-ring circus
one-room schoolhouse

two thumbs up, five-karat diamond
Fourth of July, three-piece suit
six feet under, one-horse town

[amberdiceless.livejournal.com]

[Ricochets in off the Daily Snitch]

With you all the way on the "sweet" and the "helpless" and the "laz(il)y." Now the moaning, that I'm a bit ambivalent about...properly used it can be incredibly hot, but sometimes I see it overused to the point that it loses all erotic value and just becomes annoying. For a while it seemed like everywhere I went, somebody was moaning into somebody else's mouth at the slightest provocation. Personally I think the serious moaning shouldn't start until things are well under way, but that's just me...

"Oh" gets my vote for the most erotic word in the language (not that I have anything against "mouth", mind you.) Pair it with an artfully timed "yes" or two, and gah! I unravel.

I tend to overuse adjectives like "soft(ly)" and "warm" and "gentle." They're just so...useful. Especially since my active vocabulary is more limited than some because I flatly refuse to go into explicit anatomical detail. It's not just that I find it uncomfortable to write (though I do)--it simply doesn't turn me on. Some of my personal picks for the hottest sex scenes never go into detailed descriptions of the action at all; they're all dialogue and/or vague suggestions or euphemisms, though not of the overblown sort.

I'm also somewhat fond of your standard array of nonverbal vocalizations: the "inarticulate sound/moan," the "involuntary (insert sound here,)" etc. Which of course goes back to the loss of control thing.

Oh, as an aside: why is it that when people list terms for the male organ, they almost never mention "erection"? It may be a trifle clinical, but it's about as clear, neutral and nonoffensive a descriptor as I can think of...

I have to guiltily admit to using "tangle" fairly often, usually in reference to limbs. Never tongues, though. (And don't get me started on wrestling, battling, striving, warring, or otherwise conflicting tongues. Blargh!)

Another one I rather like that I've heard people denounce is "throb" (more as a noun than any other part of speech, however.) Again, you've got a limited number of synonyms for a very distinct sensation, and doggone it, it works!

A few other random favorites of mine: panted, cried out, wandering (hands), coupling, languid, searing, shattering.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

I agree with you about the moaning being overused or used inappropriately but somehow, I still like that word, even the moaning into someone's mouth -- it gets me every time, even in bad!fic!

Oh, and I'm with you on 'yes'!

they almost never mention "erection"?
Oh yes, I like 'erection'!!! It is very economical and just about says it all.

I have to guiltily admit to using "tangle" fairly often,
But don't feel guilty! I guess that's just why I wrote this post because I was seeing all these anti-overused-words rant and thought, well, hm, I actually do like some of these overused words. If we wanted to feel guilt, we could take up Lutheranism and abandon slash. ;-)

[whimsicalnotion.livejournal.com]

Hi. Found this via the daily_snitch and within seconds of reading the words I was salivating like you'd sounded a bell.

Nice refreshing perpsective that explores the phenomenon with honesty.

I also agree with you entirely :D

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Isn't the power of words amazing? I love that about writing and about reading fic. How a simple word can affect you.

[knoifey-spoony.livejournal.com]

'Mewl.' 'Mewling,' 'mewled,' 'mewls.' Whatever way it's said, it just tickles me. Especially when it's Elijah doing it. I just go all mushy and think, "Awww! *shiver*"

Lots of people despise its use, but I'm a fangirl for it. *waves flag* :D

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

I love mewl so much. I have to parcel it out careful, only use it about once every five fics. There are a few words like that, but mewl's probably my favorite example.

[stellahobbit.livejournal.com]

I recently read a discussion where somebody, a man (I forget the lj username) said he found a lot of slash unrealistic because men didn't feel their prostate glands like that and men didn't do something or other.

I can understand your point - we (at least I) tend to read slash to fantasise, and to hell with the humdrum of ordinary life. But I would like to read a clinical, scholarly text on the mechanics and experiences of a person (preferably male, since I write about males doing it) who has experienced anal sex. From virgin to more experienced.

I think it would be interesting since I have no interest in that in RL, and can't be bothered sorting through thousands of pr0n hits on Goggle.

Does anyone know of something like this that has been written? It could only help my writing, I think.

[solarfallsrealm.livejournal.com]

Hi everyone (waves) - just hopped over from LadyJackyl's LJ - interesting discussion!

As to your question, Stellahobbit: do you know Minotaur's site (http://www.squidge.org/~minotaur/classic/eroc.html)? He gives tons of info on male gay sex especially for slahs writers - you may find something of use over there.

[notrafficlights.livejournal.com]

(Small aside, in response to a conversation I had with resonant8: I happen to like the word 'penis' which to me is a nice word that conjures up a nice relationship of penis-owner to penis and that is midway between obscene (cock) and infantile (willie). I know that some find it too medical and un-erotic but to me it evokes a vulnerability that I quite like. If it fits in with tone and voice.)

I'm one of those readers who really prefers "cock" (thankfully) above most dick-words. It's a word that has a nice shape and sound to it, and it's just obscene enough not to be funny, and "penis" has always been too scientific for me to really get into using or reading.

I've got a thing for the word "wanton". It's an excellent word, but people don't use it enough...

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Wanton? Why, you should dip into lotrips fandom and read Orlando-fics: he is wanton much of the time! :-)

I tend to use 'penis' or 'dick' for the first-person / pov-person and 'cock' for the other person. If that makes sense.

[randomblade.livejournal.com]

awesome post. Hmm. alternatives to 'smirk' for smirky characters.
Interesting challenge. You could describe the self-satisfied curl of his mouth, perhaps. That way you get 'mouth' in also, which is one of my big button words as well. To kiss someone's mouth is somehow much more intimate, sort of further in, than just their lips. It evokes a softness and sensual hunger that has incredibly hot sense-images attached to it for me.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Oh, absolutely, the kissing the mouth vs kissing the lips thing. Kissing the lips is almost chaste, a sweet innocent, perhaps exploratory thing. Kissing the mouth: well, you've lost it by then...

And curling the lips is just as hackneyed as smirking! That is the problem: others have thought of this! I think one may just have to reclaim 'smirk' and go boldly forth and not be afraid of the hackney if it does the trick. Bugger.