ranty panty
Sep. 18th, 2004 02:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lobelia321In recent weeks, I have read quite a few rants on a) the evils of Mary Sue, b) the evils of Americanisms in Harry Potter fic, c) the evils of clichés.
Today I read a fic, recced by a someone for its good use of magic. For that reason only, I forged on with this fic to the bitter end but really, I wanted to stop after the first five paragraphs. This is what I found on the first two pages alone:
- wrong use of lay -- I cannot stand reading the wrong use of lay. It makes me clench!![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sheldrake once had a handy little rhyme for memorising lay/lie/laid but it escapes me now. But what I do know is that this sentence grates! He lay the magazine open on the small table...
- ... before his lover had arrived
His lover! Actually, I cannot read fics that include the phrase 'his lover', unless it's used as crack or as irony or in dialogue. And I cannot bear this phrase if used simply to avoid repeating characters' names. What is wrong with repeating characters' names? I don't care how often I have to read the words Harry, Snape, Draco, Goyle -- if it means not having to read the words his lover!!!
- ...observing the older man
'The older man' was rife in lotrips as well. And it is invariably used for men in their forties. This means that I would always and inevitably be 'the older woman'. I object to this. Sometimes, in lotrips, 'the older man' was, however, also used for small age differences, as in Dom/Billy (age difference: 7 years). Why, oh why, introduce this phrase? I can only countenance it when the pov character does not know the other character so calls him the older man by default because there is another younger, unknown man there as well. As in: 'Oh my god, who are these people? They look scary. One of them is dark and scowling, and the other thin and scrawny. The older man is wielding a wand!' But in 99 percent of cases, 'the older man' is used to avoid using the proper name. See above! In addition, it is highly unlikely that the pov character would be thinking of their sexual partner as 'the older man' in a situation of intimacy (which the situation in this fic was).
- sidling
Similar to scooting, which wasn't used in this fic. It's the accruing of all these phrases! Their being crowded into one page!
- his lover Oh no, two paragraphs later it reappears! But we *know* this now!!!!
- sated as any young man of twenty-five gets
Sated? Any young man? We're in the middle of a sex scene and we're being informed of his age? And how sated *does* a man of 25 'get'? Is there a standard?
- buggering him senseless
There is a lot of shorthand 'senseless' fucking in fanfic. It is laziness on part of author. I want to see the senses swooning and I need detail of what it means in concrete terms to be 'senseless'. Are *all* the senses deadened? Is there no sensation left at all? Is the fuckee numbed? Or does this pertain to 'sense' as in 'good sense' or 'common sense'? The phrase is vague and meaningless!
- a bit of pre-coital fluid bubbling from the tip
Okay, this is not a cliché. Unlike the above, I had not read this one before. So I guess it is good for being original but it still makes my head hurt.
Now, the thing is, this fic did have the good magic that was promised by the reccer. It had a really good idea at its core somewhere. Which makes me think that this is such a pity: a good bunny hidden in a pile of manure.
After reading three paragraphs of this, I was desperate for a good old Americanism or even a blatant Mary Sue. Give me an 'ass' or a 'goddammit' any day if it means I get to avoid the older man and the misuse of lay!!
Today I read a fic, recced by a someone for its good use of magic. For that reason only, I forged on with this fic to the bitter end but really, I wanted to stop after the first five paragraphs. This is what I found on the first two pages alone:
- wrong use of lay -- I cannot stand reading the wrong use of lay. It makes me clench!
sheldrake once had a handy little rhyme for memorising lay/lie/laid but it escapes me now. But what I do know is that this sentence grates! He lay the magazine open on the small table...- ... before his lover had arrived
His lover! Actually, I cannot read fics that include the phrase 'his lover', unless it's used as crack or as irony or in dialogue. And I cannot bear this phrase if used simply to avoid repeating characters' names. What is wrong with repeating characters' names? I don't care how often I have to read the words Harry, Snape, Draco, Goyle -- if it means not having to read the words his lover!!!
- ...observing the older man
'The older man' was rife in lotrips as well. And it is invariably used for men in their forties. This means that I would always and inevitably be 'the older woman'. I object to this. Sometimes, in lotrips, 'the older man' was, however, also used for small age differences, as in Dom/Billy (age difference: 7 years). Why, oh why, introduce this phrase? I can only countenance it when the pov character does not know the other character so calls him the older man by default because there is another younger, unknown man there as well. As in: 'Oh my god, who are these people? They look scary. One of them is dark and scowling, and the other thin and scrawny. The older man is wielding a wand!' But in 99 percent of cases, 'the older man' is used to avoid using the proper name. See above! In addition, it is highly unlikely that the pov character would be thinking of their sexual partner as 'the older man' in a situation of intimacy (which the situation in this fic was).
- sidling
Similar to scooting, which wasn't used in this fic. It's the accruing of all these phrases! Their being crowded into one page!
- his lover Oh no, two paragraphs later it reappears! But we *know* this now!!!!
- sated as any young man of twenty-five gets
Sated? Any young man? We're in the middle of a sex scene and we're being informed of his age? And how sated *does* a man of 25 'get'? Is there a standard?
- buggering him senseless
There is a lot of shorthand 'senseless' fucking in fanfic. It is laziness on part of author. I want to see the senses swooning and I need detail of what it means in concrete terms to be 'senseless'. Are *all* the senses deadened? Is there no sensation left at all? Is the fuckee numbed? Or does this pertain to 'sense' as in 'good sense' or 'common sense'? The phrase is vague and meaningless!
- a bit of pre-coital fluid bubbling from the tip
Okay, this is not a cliché. Unlike the above, I had not read this one before. So I guess it is good for being original but it still makes my head hurt.
Now, the thing is, this fic did have the good magic that was promised by the reccer. It had a really good idea at its core somewhere. Which makes me think that this is such a pity: a good bunny hidden in a pile of manure.
After reading three paragraphs of this, I was desperate for a good old Americanism or even a blatant Mary Sue. Give me an 'ass' or a 'goddammit' any day if it means I get to avoid the older man and the misuse of lay!!