:-(

[lobelia321]

I'm feeling bad again.

Thursdays are always bad because they are my day off and when I am supposed to be writing my book all day. Except then I always do other things all day, fritter away my time, post images of Chinese men copulating and so forth.

I despair of this book, if it will ever get finished, and if not, then if I can continue as an academic.

:-(

Comments

[ios-pillow-book.livejournal.com]

*sends you cookies and hugs*

Not that I could offer much solace otherwise.

But in my opinion it's hardly possible to get ANYTHING done as long as there are such distractions as the daily internet or such energy drains as family/household/job. But. Such is life. There are times for posting pics, but there are times for writing books, too.

*nods determinedly*

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[thejennabides.livejournal.com]

For my part, I despair of myself, if someone as accomplished and focused as you is in doubt...

Well, that was no help at all. But I have faith in you, Lobelia, for whatever that is worth!

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

I am not accomplished and focused at all. At least, I don't feel that way, and certainly not today. Thank you, though. It's nice to hear from you!

[cathexys.livejournal.com]

oh hon, i feel with/for you. it is so hard to make yourself sit down and write...and it is amazing how much housework and other non-relevant stuff we can find when left to our own devices...

please don't feel bad!!! *hugs*

oh, and thanks for the art in your recent post...it was gorgeous and *definitely* not worksafe :-)

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Thank you. More when I feel up to it.

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

I know that feeling far too well, and I understand completely what a torment it can be. However, please do remember that today was just one day. Just because you frittered today, it does not automatically follow that you will fritter tomorrow or next Thursday. You have finished a book before, and so therefore finishing this one is not an impossibility. You have the ability to finish this book in you.

I've had a day off today, too. I don't think I've been as bad as I am sometimes, but still, a remarkable lack of Important Things crossed off my Important things list.

My advice is to write today off and don't allow yourself to even think about weighty things until tomorrow.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Thank you! this is very helpful. I know the thing about 'just because today was frittered tomorrow won't be'; I know it rationally but somewhere inside I don't believe it; I think 'this is frittered and it will always be frittered and I am locked in this forever'. And then I feel gloom'n'doom. I was thinking of going back to counselling for a bit but your comment was almost like counselling!

Are we a bunch of mental invalids or what?

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

Ah yes - the 'knowing it but not feeling it' thing. That's what I find so difficult to explain to other people who have no experience of this sort of thing. But I believe it can be battled!

Except of course that you don't feel it can be battled when you're in the midst of it...

I shall have to stop thinking about this now because my brain is going round in circles.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Perhaps the thing is to ignore the 'feeling' and just treat it as weather. I tell myself this and it has worked at times but not always.

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

This is a very sensible suggestion! I've been trying to do something like this myself, although unfortunately the 'weather' is very often still particularly unpleasant. Last night, for instance, it was blowing a terrible gale and I went to bed windswept and sodden. Luckily, this morning the sun came out. :)

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

I think the problem can be this one minute rain thing, next minute sun thing. I tend to think I can only function when the sun is out but that is counter-productive because it means I do nothing for weeks while it's overcast. Unlike weather, one can actually influence moods. Well, everyone's always saying that, aren't they: do exercise, be active. It works, too, I think except that I often don't manage to follow this advice.

Bah.

[pecos.livejournal.com]

I have those exact same days, although mine are far less consequential. I mean to sit and write exclusively and instead I do all the chores that pile up during the week.

*Kisses you!*

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your kind thoughts. It's really nice to know that others go through this, too. I know logically that they do but on bad days, in my guts, I irrationally convince myself that I am the only hopeless person on earth.

[viva-gloria.livejournal.com]

You can't be focussed and intellectual all the time. At least I can't. Some days the brain is ever so much more suited to posting porn other activities. Maybe hormonal, or biorhythmic, or Something.

Had to knuckle down on Tuesday and draft an article: made up for it by writing pirate-smut first, and then dashing off article in a few hasty hours. Maybe the 'writing all day' is the problem? It's a vast swathe of time to commit yourself to.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Thank you. This is very helpful. And I think someone told me something like this before, a fellow academic -- but you know how it is on bad days: I just forget anything sensible anyone has ever said or I have ever thought and give myself over to feelings of hopelessness. I must make a post-it with the adage 'write in smaller chunks' on it!

[bunnysquee.livejournal.com]

oh, sweetie, sometimes one needs days to loll about and enjoy oneself, especially on days which are called 'days off.' i'm sure your weekends are taken up by family and household chores and things, so one day to yourself is a deserved luxury.

as viva_gloria so wisely pointed out, maybe you need to designate smaller chunks of time throughout the week for writing ... ?

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

If only I could loll about and enjoy myself! But I torture myself in guilty shirkings instead. Also, it's not really a day 'off'; it's my non-teaching and therefore writing-my-book day. But you're so right about allowing myself some luxuries. Except I never tend to think it's 'deserved'; I always feel guilty about it.

[selyons.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

*commiserates*

*nods*

I took holidays and had ten blissful days off in a row, during which time I had planned to complete a BIAW, get 20,000 words written on one of my unfinished and never-ending novels. I then proceeded to get the flu and did nothing but lie around in a fever, cough and blow my nose. Did not get one word written, did not read a book, did nothing but watch cooking shows and CNN.

Worse is that every weekened when I could be writing, I tend to read and post to this damn message board where I get into political debates about American politics and religion. Sheesh.

I know that sense of "gotta get it done, gotta get it done, gotta get it done" but beating yourself up will do no good.

I live by this motto:

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Meaning today isn't? Ack. But being ill is fine, being ill lets you off the hook! I love watching cooking programmes when feeling unwell. Better still are gardening programmes. It's always soothing watching others perform laborious tasks.