FIC: Average 1/6

[lobelia321]

TITLE: Average
PART: 1/6
AUTHOR: Lobelia <lobelia321@aol.com>
WEBSITE: http://www.geocities.com/lobelia321/
PAIRING: Viggo Mortensen / Kiran Shah
RATING: R
SUMMARY: Viggo is adrift. Kiran is in love.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please, I would love feedback! Anything, even if it's only one line, one word!
CONTENT/WARNINGS: RPS. Middle-aged dwarf.
CATEGORY: Weird pairings. Hobbit stand-in.
SPOILERS: *The Two Towers*, *The Return of the King*
ARCHIVE RIGHTS: Beyond the Fellowship. My niche. Anyone else, please just ask.
DISCLAIMERS: This is a work of amateur fiction and poetry pastiche. I do not know these people. I am not making money. The events described in this story did not happen.
AUTHOR'S NOTES, THANK YOUs and DEDICATION: See Part 0/6.

-----------

1 *Viggo*

Night falls on the southern shores of this topsy-turvy land. The last rays of butter-coloured sunshine finger the tops of the alien trees. Foreign birds squawk in the foliage. I have never seen such trees, such skies. The stars are unfamiliar; they revolve in strange brittle cycles. I do recognise some of the constellations from my northern hemisphere, but even those are twisted out of their accustomed shapes. Even the sickle moon points the other way. What should be up is down; what should be left is right.

And what should be right is wrong. I feel wrong. I am not used to this place, to being here, in New Zealand, this new land on the sea. New for me. New, and at the edge of my world. Clinging to the bottom of this round planet as it spirals on its mad orbit through emptiness.

I feel turned upside down. My mind seems to have done a somersault, somewhere in the plane on the way here, somewhere over the Pacific. The vast, still Pacific. *Stillehavet.* But not so still because somewhere south of the tropic of Capricorn, when the jet hit that spot of turbulence, somewhere there my thoughts took a tumble. So now I am upside down and inside out, and nothing feels as it should.

I feel uprooted. I feel thrown back upon myself but I also feel untethered, unmoored. Adrift. By coming to this far-off country, I have cut myself off from all that is familiar. Cut myself off from the outside world. I find it difficult to get a hold of the outside world. I find it difficult to communicate. So I bought this notebook. To keep as a kind of journal and to communicate my own thoughts to myself.

I bought my notebook at that little store down the road last week. One of those little neon-lit 24/7 stores they have here and which, for some strange reason, they call 'dairies', although they sell loads of things, not just milk and butter. And yoghurt. I buy yoghurt there a lot. It's all I seem to be able to eat these days: yoghurt. I eat about twenty tubs a day, twenty of those large tubs. And little else. It flows down easily. I don't need to chew, and I don't need to choke. Nutritious, too. I always buy the organic stuff.

Anyway, that's also where I bought this notebook. It has a cardboard cover and a plasticky, translucent cover on top of the cardboard cover, and spirals down its spine. I can store a pen in the tubular space between the cover and the spirals, along the spine, and that's convenient. But it's taken me a week to write anything in it. It seemed so pristine, it scared me. And now I've sullied it. With this useless tripe.

This useless tripe just spinning around in my own head. No connections to anything else. No connections to anything out there. I need to speak to somebody. I need somebody I can tell things to. Then I wouldn't need to rely on this notebook so much. I need somebody to reach out a hand to me, and then I could take that hand, and maybe that somebody could pull me out of myself and back into the world.

That's what I need. That's what I long for.

But there isn't such a somebody. I haven't met that kind of a somebody.

Not yet, anyway.

-------------------

2 *Kiran*

Brother-dear

I am glad to hear that you got home safely from India and that check-out at Heathrow was not too horrendous. It is also good that you managed to hook up with the Delhi relations but I am sorry that they pestered you about not bringing me along. I hope you told them that I could not possibly get away right now because filming the *Rings* has only just begun and I will be tied up in New Zealand until the end of next year.

As I told you on the phone last night, I am perfectly well so do not worry about me. Please! I have also seen to the contract with New Line. I faxed it to chacha-uncle on Monday, as you asked me to (Delhi-chacha, that is, not Hull-chacha). Because he knows a great deal about international law, and he showed it to one of his partners as well. He says it's a fairly good contract as far as stunt contracts go, so you don't need to worry about that, either. Really, the way you go on you'd think I was still your little baby brother, not a grizzled middle-aged geezer! Anyway, you can contact Delhi-chacha yourself, if you want, but I assure you I am perfectly happy with the contract as it is, and all the insurance is also in order. But really, dada, how often do I have to tell you: if I'd wanted to spend all my time thinking about insurance and whatnot, I would have gone into the insurance broker business. Yes, I know these things are useful but this is not the be-all and end-all of my job, you know. There is more to life than contracts and insurance deals.

Just a word about my apartment before I tell you a bit about the job. I have been given a nice, spacious flat, quite near the centre of Wellington and within easy driving distance of the studios. But, of course, for much of the time we will be on location, anyway. Luckily, I don't have to share the flat with anyone. I have never liked sharing. So, this flat I have all to myself. Large bedroom, large kitchen-living area. They have been very thoughtful and provided footstools and a stepladder for the kitchen. All in all, I have to say that the organisation has been impressive. I feel well taken care off -- and I am not just saying that to assuage your worries! I have a car, too, a little Toyota Corolla, and I am having it modified for my own use. It might take a while for the adjustments to be put in but there is someone who will chauffeur me around until then -- but more of that in a minute.

I have met some of the other scale and stunt doubles. Fon is here, which is nice -- but you knew she was going to be here, didn't you? She is doing the stunts for one of the other hobbits, Pippin; the actor's name is Billy Boyd. We will be working together for much of the time, Fon and I. Lovely woman, she is, though not at all my type, haha! I don't yet know the Australian and New Zealand contingent that well but there are quite a lot of us, and at least eight little people. I must take care not to get too drawn into the little-people ghetto, however. Remember the consequences of that in Ireland that time? Never again.

I have also met the man I will do most of my body-doubling for. His name is Dominic Monaghan (I copied that spelling from my shooting schedule). He is from England, also. He was in some television series, BBC, but I don't remember ever watching it, Hattie something. Anyway, he is a rather young actor, from up north, but he seems nice enough. I started studying his body movements this week, from reality and from videos. He has never worked with a body-double before, at least not one of short stature! As usual, there is the initial embarrassment to overcome. Not on my part, of course. You know me, haha! But he seems easy enough to work with, very eager to do everything right. All of the actors have been here for a month already; they have been in training. They need it, haha!

One very pleasant old acquaintance turned up: John Rhys-Davies! Do you remember him? We worked together way back, on *Raiders*. We had a scene together, where the monkey is poisoned by the food, if you recall. He is such a lovely man. He remembered me instantly, by name, and greeted me with a clasp of both of my hands in his, and then with a big hug, once he had managed to get himself down on his knees -- he is quite a big man these days and starts huffing easily! I had such a laugh, but he was very good-natured about it. Tonight we are going to have drinks together. He plays Gimli, the main dwarf -- as in mythical dwarf, not real dwarf, like me! So he has a body-double, too, whom I haven't met yet, Brett somebody or other. He -- John, that is -- immediately started talking to me about *Raiders*, and we had a few good laughs about those old times. Ah yes, we were both so young then, especially me! I can hardly believe that practically twenty years have passed since then. John said I didn't look a day older -- that's the kind of man he is, a real gentleman. "Kiran!" he cried. "Why, you haven't changed a day!" And I said, "Nor have you, John", and winked at him. Oh, we had a good laugh, I can tell you.

John is also the person who is going to drive me around in his car until I get mine fixed up. He very kindly offered; yes, he virtually pressed it on me so I could hardly say no. I know you don't like hearing about me accepting favours and so on but I assure you this is like one friend to another; there is nothing patronising about it.

It is really quite nice, getting settled in and organising everything. I have never been on a shoot this long, and it means that I will be able to get to know the place a bit better. I have bought myself several guidebooks and will start exploring the city as soon as we get some free time. In fact, this weekend, John and I have arranged to visit the Botanic Gardens together and to take a cruise on a ferry across the channel to the South Island.

By the way, I am glad you got me to buy those running shoes before I left! They're coming in very useful now. I like to go jogging when I get the chance; it's good to keep fit. Although we also get personal trainers on set but you know how it is; that's not really all-round fitness.

I am thinking of growing a moustache but will probably not be allowed to, on account of the mask I must wear. Would I not look dashing? I could be the next Raj Kapoor!

Must close now; it's getting late.

Much love to everyone else; I will write to Chaitan separately.

Yours affectionately,

K.

------------

TBC

Comments

[azrhiaz.livejournal.com]

Wow, Lobelia! That was wonderfully written- now I want the rest posthaste! I love a good epistolary story, and this is lovely. The characterization and attention to detail draw you right in. And I confess, this has to be the oddest pairing I've seen yet. :) But I know, in your hands, that it will be superb.

Kudos & hugs and all that-

thanks

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for interim fb! And yes, even I blanched at first at this pairing. But I'd been wanting to do hobbit stand-ins for months and months, *g*. Heh, and glad you like the 'epistolariness'. (Although they're not writing to each other, of course.)

Re: thanks

[azrhiaz.livejournal.com]

Of course...but it's still a tough format to pull off, and you're doing a great job. :)

Aaargh. I hate you.

[gloriamundi.livejournal.com]

I hate you for being so bloody good at this. I think it's hate. It might be love.

Your Viggo is utterly beguiling. I love the way he plays (that is, you play) with language and the whole upside-downness of the place. I like the way he's off-balance, unsteady, unsettled. Untethered, unmoored. Adrift. And whiny.

And the tone of Kiran's piece is so different: you have captured that Anglo-Indian lilt - well, the lilt of an Indian using the English language - very nicely. The contrast between Viggo's self-centredness (except he's lost his own centre, hasn't he?) and Kiran's concern for his family, and his wish to alleviate their worries about him, is striking. He communicates, V whines about not communicating.

I'd never even thought of the issues involved in being a body-double - learning the way that someone else moves, and so on. And you get so much of the background in, unobtrusively, just there.

Re: Aaargh. I hate you.

[(Anonymous)]

I think it's hate. It might be love.
If it involves Viggo, it must be love.

I love the way he plays (that is, you play)
Dare I say it that he probably couldn't..? Ack, is the old Viggo-antagonism returning? Now that I've got him out of my system through fic? NEVER!

I like the way he's off-balance, unsteady, unsettled. Untethered, unmoored. Adrift. And whiny.
But thank you, thank you. I was so afraid you'd be bored by him (because in the pre-beta'ed version, eyebrowofdoom was, *g* -- had to rewrite!).

And the tone of Kiran's piece is so different: you have captured that Anglo-Indian lilt

Again, *swoons with gratitude*.

I'd never even thought of the issues involved in being a body-double - learning the way that someone else moves, and so on.

Nor had I, until I started writing this! Which is why I mean 'thank you for making me do it'. I will always notice body doubles now. :-)

Re: Aaargh. I hate you.

[eyebrowofdoom.livejournal.com]

the way he plays (that is, you play) with language ... Untethered, unmoored. Adrift. And whiny

... captured that Anglo-Indian lilt

Hah-hah! Here's someone who's on the same page, at last.

Both the voices are so well realised, aren't they?

Yes, whiny!

[giglet.livejournal.com]

Oh wonderful!
I adore Kiran's section, I love the way you've written his voice, I love the way his character comes through.
I think I'm going to love this story in general.

Thank you!

kiran

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Thank you, thank you! And that I have made you like Kiran, a complete newcomer to the LotR canon: I am really pleased about that. :-) Hope you enjoy the rest!