Sheldrake wanted boring!HP!!!
Apr. 18th, 2005 10:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lobelia321Draco got up. He went into the kitchen. He picked up his wand and waved it at the kettle. He stood and waited for the water to boil. This took 42 seconds. While waiting, he scratched his balls with one hand and used his wand to dig for ear wax with the other hand. The kettle whistled. Draco inspected his wand, partly to see what he had found in his aural canal, partly to find out why it had taken so long for the wand to make the water boil. He walked to the kitchen drawer and opened it. He rummaged round and pulled out the wand owner's manual. He flicked to page 13 and checked water-boiling-guaranteed-times. It said, 'This wand is guaranteed to boil water in precisely 42 seconds.' Draco stared into space. He tried to gauge whether, subjectively, 42 seconds had passed or whether it had been more like 43.
He furrowed his brow. He turned some more pages and found the 'reversal-of-water-boiling' spell. He read it, murmured it to himself, re-read it, murmured it to himself again, re-read it, stared at the ceiling while murmuring it to himself again, then waved his wand and murmured the spell while keeping his eyes glued to the page. The kettle hiccoughed. Draco touched the kettle with his wand, then touched the tip of his wand with his finger to test for temperature. The tip of the wand was warm from Draco's ear hole. Draco touched the kettle with his left index finger. The kettle was cool.
Draco waved his wand at the kettle. He turned around and stared at the sand clock mounted on the wall. The water boiled. Draco realised he had forgotten how to read the sand clock. He still had no idea whether 42 or perhaps 43 or maybe even only 41 seconds had passed.
He sighed. He felt in need of a cup of tea.
Just then the door bell chimed. It startled Draco because it was a rather loud door bell. It was a Swiss bell, designed to hang around the necks of lowing Alpine cows. Draco was startled because he was still in thought about his tea.
He murmured a reveal spell. Before his inner eye, the face of Harry appeared.
He padded to the door on his bare feet. He waved his wand at the door. The door swung back on its hinges and revealed Ron.
"Oh," said Draco. "Hello." He remembered that his inner eye was not always quite as reliable as his outer eye. Also, his notes from school left something to be desired and it was not unlikely that he had copied the spell down wrongly and had been murmuring the wrong syllables for months.
"Hi," said Ron. "It's eleven o'clock. Have you only just got up? Do you fancy some elevenses?"
Suddenly, a bolt of lightning hit the house.
He furrowed his brow. He turned some more pages and found the 'reversal-of-water-boiling' spell. He read it, murmured it to himself, re-read it, murmured it to himself again, re-read it, stared at the ceiling while murmuring it to himself again, then waved his wand and murmured the spell while keeping his eyes glued to the page. The kettle hiccoughed. Draco touched the kettle with his wand, then touched the tip of his wand with his finger to test for temperature. The tip of the wand was warm from Draco's ear hole. Draco touched the kettle with his left index finger. The kettle was cool.
Draco waved his wand at the kettle. He turned around and stared at the sand clock mounted on the wall. The water boiled. Draco realised he had forgotten how to read the sand clock. He still had no idea whether 42 or perhaps 43 or maybe even only 41 seconds had passed.
He sighed. He felt in need of a cup of tea.
Just then the door bell chimed. It startled Draco because it was a rather loud door bell. It was a Swiss bell, designed to hang around the necks of lowing Alpine cows. Draco was startled because he was still in thought about his tea.
He murmured a reveal spell. Before his inner eye, the face of Harry appeared.
He padded to the door on his bare feet. He waved his wand at the door. The door swung back on its hinges and revealed Ron.
"Oh," said Draco. "Hello." He remembered that his inner eye was not always quite as reliable as his outer eye. Also, his notes from school left something to be desired and it was not unlikely that he had copied the spell down wrongly and had been murmuring the wrong syllables for months.
"Hi," said Ron. "It's eleven o'clock. Have you only just got up? Do you fancy some elevenses?"
Suddenly, a bolt of lightning hit the house.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-18 09:56 pm (UTC)*snoozes from boredom* :)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-18 10:00 pm (UTC)*but snorts briefly at hearing the boringness described as a 'genre'*
Shit, I must really finish boring!Orli sometime before New Year's Day.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-18 11:34 pm (UTC)um.... ::bored glee::
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-19 08:56 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-19 01:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-19 08:56 am (UTC)omg, there was a plot!
It's a strange thing about fic: you start writing something endlessly tedious and before you know it, plot creeps in and characterisation and gratuitous mayhem endings!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-19 02:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-19 08:55 am (UTC)Possibly that last capitalised HA in your haha means that I was exciting you just a little too much here...? Will have to learn to be even more boring.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-19 06:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-19 08:51 am (UTC)And also, the boring!fics do have this tendency to accelerate into completely chaotic mayhem...
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-19 08:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-19 08:49 am (UTC)But then, boring!fics always have a tendency to degenerate into completely wayward violence and mayhem.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-16 10:40 am (UTC)He padded to the door on his bare feet. He waved his wand at the door. The door swung back on its hinges and revealed Ron.
*wiping tears from eyes* My goodness, this is HILARIOUS!
Do you fancy some elevenses?"
Suddenly, a bolt of lightning hit the house.
Naturally, because Ron knocking on Draco's door to ask him out is an Earth-shuddering thing! :D
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-16 05:24 pm (UTC)