hit me with half the blood, but if you're not a desert prince, i want only bullet points

[lobelia321]

I expect that the people who would be willing and happy and inclined to SPOILER me have finished reading t'HBP now. But since some of them have expressed nervousness at spoilering everyone else's fun, I am herewith making a special spoiler post.

So, please, I would be really eager to have some plot summaries of HBP! Nothing too detailed, and don't worry about value judgements, critical response or any of that: just give me the bare bones of the plot, in bullet points, even!

My need-to-know basis is:
1) my own HP fic: is it worth continuing or has she killed off Dudley?
2) understanding any HP fanon that may come my way

'cos I'm not going to read HBP. I tried to read OotP (kindly donated by t'Laz) but it kept tumbling from my hands as my eyelids fell irresistibly shut.

Gads, what kind of a fan am I, anyway? An exclusively fanon fan? This may explain why I was more over the moon with lotrips: I actually did drool over Dom and Karl for real. And even over Orlando!

However, someone on LJ said something about Dementors so that might be quite interesting.

My fondness of fanon and my pathological obsession with Dudley Dursley is in strange un-sync with my indifference to canon...

Everybody who wishes not the spoilering of the Half-Bloody Prince: Click not the link!

Comments

spoilering my own spoily post

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

I just found out that Dumbledore kills Snape on p. 606! Whee!

Whoops, or was that Snape kills Dumbledore?

Who cares, as long as Dudley and Draco are still alive.

God, but she's ratcheting up the sensationalism, what with the killing off major characters, isn't she?

Re: spoilering my own spoily post

[lazulus]

Snape does indeed kill Dumbledore but it's not straightforward at all.

Dudley appears for no more than a line and that is with him standing behind Petunia and not saying a word. End of Dudley involvement.

This book is much tighter than the last and a much more enjoyable read. I'd say you should actually read it, because it has loads of backstory about many of the characters and loads of plot points that tie up stuff from the previous books. Too many to say.

This book actually feels like it's been edited!

Re: spoilering my own spoily post

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

This book actually feels like it's been edited!

Amen.

Re: spoilering my own spoily post

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Interesting!! So how is it not straightforward with the Dumbledore killing? Do we need to talk about this on the telephone? Maybe a visit is in order! It is in order, anyway, but this provides as good an excuse as any. :-) But, ack, my parents are coming and then we're going to the Peak District and then we're going to France so this may not happen until end of August!

Re: spoilering my own spoily post

[lazulus]

You should definitely come for a visit if at al possible! Mind you me and Duckie were saying at the weekend that we should both show up at yours one day for a visit. :)

I rather think both of the spoilerific comments below cover most points. ;)

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Ok, the new fanon via new canon is basically: Blaise Zabini is OMGWTFBLACK and has an outrageously beautiful mother. New character, a werewolf named Fenrir Greyback, that fandom is drooling over even though he likes to bite small kids and has left Bill Weasley scarred and with a taste for red meat. Harry spends much of the book obsessed with Draco. There is a Mary Sue named Romilda Vane with a crush on Harry. There is a Gary Stu named Cormac McLaggen who despite being only one year ahead than Harry, and in Gryffindor, Harry has never met. Perhaps he's an American exchange student. New fanon canon ships are Hagrid/Aragog and Ron/Squid. Remus/Tonks is now canon, causing all the puppyshippers to commit mass suicide. Snape and Draco run off together at the end of the movie, making me and all the other Snape/Draco shippers ridiculously gleeful.

I think that's all.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Hah!! Thank you!!! Now, a few questions and points are raised.

Do you think JKR made Zabini into a round as opposed to very, very, very flat character because of fanon Zabini worship?

Also, I find it hilarious that fandom can go apeshit over a new character within seconds of that character appearing on the horizon. What's his name? Fenugreek Greyback? Faramir Greyback? Bwuahahah.

Harry obsessed with Draco! Ah, that fits nicely into my fanon world. But Draco not obsessed with Harry, eh? That also fits in nicely. Draco running off with Snape doesn't fit in quite so snugly but it's nothing a radical flashforward into the future can't fix, is it?

What is Aragog-I-am-agog?

What is a puppyshipper?

Is Lucius dead? In prison? Where is Narcissa?

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

The speculation on Zabini (and a few other things) is that JKR has read fanfic and just wants to fuck with our minds. (I approve heartily!)

On #2, duh. Fandom always goes apeshit.

Harry *thinks* Draco is obsessed with him (and trying to kill him). Surprise! (No. No. Don't go there Draco/Dumbledore...

Aragog is the giant spider from book 2, that dies in this book, and Hagrid says about him, "I don' know what I'll do if he...if he...We've bin tergether so long..."

Puppyshippers are the Remus/Sirius crowd, who apparently are more fazed by Remus/Tonks in book 6 than Sirius's death in book 5. Death before het!

Lucius is still in prison, as is Stan Shunpike, the Knight Bus attendant, which inspired me to write this.

Narcissa is now canonically nicknamed 'Cissy' and makes a whiny appearance in chapter 2, forcing Snape to swear the Unbreakable Oath (kind of like dreaming the Impossible Dream) to protect Draco. Fortunately, 'protect' is sort of like 'have sex with', at least to someone as morally fluid as Snape.

[travelingcarrot.livejournal.com]

Whole thing in bullet points in the hope it will put some of these gems into context (though it is late and I have had a day from hell so I may make mistakes):

- there is all-out war between goodies and baddies in wizarding world
- Hogwarts is sooper-secured against attack
- Dumbledore collects Harry early from uncle and aunt, but makes them promise he can come back one more time to keep the charmed protection he has (so one more time at least to see Dudley)
- Dumbledore tells Vernon and Petunia that what they have done to Dudley is almost worse than what they did to Harry (presumably as in spoiling him rotten)
- new teacher called Slughorn, old acquaintance of Dumbledore, comes out of retirement to teach potions because Snape finally has the Defence Against the Dark Arts job. Slughorn very sycophantic, always gathers a little group of teacher's pets who he thinks will be good connections to have later on - invites favoured ones to private parties
- Draco's dad is in Azkaban, his aunt is definitely a particularly evil death eater, his mum is just so worried about her poor ickle Draco as he has been given a task to do by Voldemort. Persuades Snape to promise on pain of death that he will help him do it safely.
- Harry has inherited all Sirius' possessions including his house and Kreacher his house-elf
- Ron fancies just about everything with two legs and long hair, especially Hermione. Or is it that Hermione fancies Ron but not the other way? I'm tired!
- Ginny still fancies Harry, Harry is beginning to think about her that way and gets jealous when she kisses Dean Thomas, but is worried what Ron will think
- just about everyone fancies Harry because now they know he was (a) right all along and (b) a hero
- Dumbledore gives Harry private lessons where he reveals what he has found out about Voldemort's life story
- lots of people get cursed, injured, killed by Death Eaters, one of which is a vampire called F__ G___ whatever it was, who has gone beyond biting people when there is a full moon and now does it whenever he feels like it. Loves children - as in feeding from them.
- Hagrid's giant monster spider friend Aragog dies
- Voldemort, it turns out from Dumbledore's research, has put parts of his soul into objects or animals (known as Horcruxes) and these all have to be found and destroyed
- Tonks is pining for Remus
- Draco attacks Dumbledore after Dumbledore is weakened by attempt to get hold of one of the horcruxes, other death eaters are following, Draco doesn't quite have the guts to kill him but Snape runs up and does the finishing off for him, then Snape and Draco run off together into the sunset
- Dumbledore's funeral held at end of term. Harry says he is not going back to school but is going to go after Voldemort full time. Looks as though Ron and Hermione want to come with him.

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

This is completely subjective - just bits that caught my eye really.

Here's the only vaguely interesting Dudley bit for you:

[Dumbledore, having come to pick Harry up from the Dursleys' at the beginning of the book]

'You did not do as I asked. You have never treated Harry as a son. He has known nothing but neglect and often cruelty at your hands. The best that can be said is that he has at least escaped the appalling damage you have inflicted upon the unfortunate boy sitting between you.'

Both Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon looked around instinctively, as though expecting to see someone other than Dudley squeezed in between them.

'Us – mistreat Dudders? What d'you –?' began Uncle Vernon furiously, but Dumbledore raised a finger for silence, a silence which fell as though he had struck Uncle Vernon dumb.

[Dumbledore says some stuff about Harry having magical protection in the Dursleys' home until he's 17, and having to come back to the house once before his 17th birthday for the protection to keep working]

None of the Dursleys said anything. Dudley was frowning slightly, as though he was still trying to work out when he had ever been mistreated. Uncle Vernon looked as though he had something stuck in his throat; Aunt Petunia, however, looked oddly flushed.

There are two chapters not from Harry's POV - in the Chapter 1, Fudge (now no longer Minister for Magic) comes to see the Muggle Prime Minister (not for the first time) to hash out some stuff, and we find out that Kingsley Shacklebolt is working undercover at No. 10(!) We are also introduced to the new Minister for Magic, Rufus Scrimgeour, who is described as looking like a lion, and later on keeps trying to get Harry to work for the Ministry, but Harry won't because he feels the Ministry is corrupt.

In Chapter Two, we see Bellatrix and Narcissa (Bella and Cissy!) go to visit Snape at his home, Spinner's End. They're a bit jumpy - Bella starts off by killing a fox because she thinks it's an auror. Narcissa wants to get Snape to help Draco, because Voldemort has given him a mission (killing Dumbledore, we later discover) and she's basically hysterical with worry about her son. Bella thinks she shouldn't trust Snape, and that she should be proud to sacrifice her son to the Cause. Wormtail is working for Snape as a reluctant servant-cum-assistant. Snape's sitting room is described as having the feeling of a dark padded cell with booklined walls. Snape eventually agrees to help Draco, and makes an Unbreakable Vow (you die if you break it, we later discover) to watch over Draco, and to complete the assignment in Draco's place if necessary.

My favourite Draco bit: he takes to crying in the toilets to Moaning Myrtle - apparently the only person he can really talk to about the predicament he's in. He has to kill Dumbledore because if he doesn't Voldemort will kill him and his family, but he doesn't think he can do it. When Harry finds him in there the encounter ends in Harry accidentally using a curse on him which makes great slash-wounds appear in his chest and blood getting all over everything. Snape saves the day.

Harry only goes capslock once.

When Draco's trying to kill Dumbledore, Dumbledore tells him that he's not really a killer, and offers him a chance to come over to the other side. Draco wavers, but just then the other Death Eaters turn up.

At the end of the book, Harry is describes as feeling a drop of pity mixed with his dislike of Draco.

Teh end.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU111 *goes capslock on you* (I love that expression! Brilliant!)