bad!fic alert! *gg*
Sep. 5th, 2002 01:05 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lobelia321Apparently, there is a Billy/Dom marriage fic around. I haven't read it, I don't intend to read it, but ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
gabbyhope gave a nice little plot outline of a putative Billy/Dom bad!fic so who am I not to rise to her challenge? *g*
Billy/Dom marriage bad!ficlet
The wedding chapel was full of guests. Everybody was there, and everybody was weeping with joy. Everybody being: Orli, Lij, Sean, Viggo, Ian, Ian, John, John, Dick, Pete, Fran, Liv, Cate, Hugo, Craig, Marton, Kermit, Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men, Gilligan, Buffy, Bart, Homer, Maggie, Harry Potter and Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.
But where were the grooms?
In the vestry, Billy and Dom were having a dispute about Billy's flower.
"It's simply the wrong colour," wailed Billy.
"Fuck no," disagreed Dom.
"Yes, it is," reiterated the Scot.
"Fuck no," iterated the younger man.
"It's yellow, and yellow doesn't go with my suit!" vociferated the older man.
"Fuck yes, it does," opined the Brit.
Suddenly, Billy stopped. He looked at Dom. He gazed upon Dom's beautiful grey eyes. He stared at Dom's soft blond hair. He became transfixed by Dom's smooth skin, toned abs, slender torso, shapely legs -- all encased in a fine blue suit of immaculate cut, a crisply starched shirt with turned-up cuffs and gold cufflinks in the shape of hobbit-feet, double-stitched cross-woven pure calf-leather brogues and 95 % cotton / 5 % elastan white-and-yellow striped socks.
How could he think about flowers at at time like this? This was Dom, the man he loved! The man he was going to spend the rest of his life with!! The man he was going to walk down the aisle next to!!! The man whose children.... er, rewind that last one. But anyway, the man he... Whatever! He was Dom!
"Oh, Dom!" cried Billy.
"Fuck, eh?" questioned Dom.
A single tear trickled down Billy's cheek.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I just love you so much."
"Fuck, and I love you," cogitated Dom.
Soft lips fell upon soft lips. Their tongues caressed each other. Billy forgot all about the flower as his senses were overwhelmed by the loveliness of Dom's beautiful kiss. The kiss was like fairy floss, like almonds in sunshine, like tequila on ice, like a Mars bar with icing, like vanilla marinated in honey.
Church bells pealed. The two grooms broke apart.
"Come on," emanated Billy. "Let's go inside. I'm ready now. Are you?"
"Fuck no," ululated Dom. "Look at this bloody hyacinth. It doesn't go at all with my socks."
And they bickered happily ever after.
The End (thank god)
A/N: I apologise for anything tasteful that may inadvertently have crept into this fic.
Read and tremble.
I just couldn't resist.
Mwuahahahaah!
gabbyhope gave a nice little plot outline of a putative Billy/Dom bad!fic so who am I not to rise to her challenge? *g*Billy/Dom marriage bad!ficlet
The wedding chapel was full of guests. Everybody was there, and everybody was weeping with joy. Everybody being: Orli, Lij, Sean, Viggo, Ian, Ian, John, John, Dick, Pete, Fran, Liv, Cate, Hugo, Craig, Marton, Kermit, Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men, Gilligan, Buffy, Bart, Homer, Maggie, Harry Potter and Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.
But where were the grooms?
In the vestry, Billy and Dom were having a dispute about Billy's flower.
"It's simply the wrong colour," wailed Billy.
"Fuck no," disagreed Dom.
"Yes, it is," reiterated the Scot.
"Fuck no," iterated the younger man.
"It's yellow, and yellow doesn't go with my suit!" vociferated the older man.
"Fuck yes, it does," opined the Brit.
Suddenly, Billy stopped. He looked at Dom. He gazed upon Dom's beautiful grey eyes. He stared at Dom's soft blond hair. He became transfixed by Dom's smooth skin, toned abs, slender torso, shapely legs -- all encased in a fine blue suit of immaculate cut, a crisply starched shirt with turned-up cuffs and gold cufflinks in the shape of hobbit-feet, double-stitched cross-woven pure calf-leather brogues and 95 % cotton / 5 % elastan white-and-yellow striped socks.
How could he think about flowers at at time like this? This was Dom, the man he loved! The man he was going to spend the rest of his life with!! The man he was going to walk down the aisle next to!!! The man whose children.... er, rewind that last one. But anyway, the man he... Whatever! He was Dom!
"Oh, Dom!" cried Billy.
"Fuck, eh?" questioned Dom.
A single tear trickled down Billy's cheek.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I just love you so much."
"Fuck, and I love you," cogitated Dom.
Soft lips fell upon soft lips. Their tongues caressed each other. Billy forgot all about the flower as his senses were overwhelmed by the loveliness of Dom's beautiful kiss. The kiss was like fairy floss, like almonds in sunshine, like tequila on ice, like a Mars bar with icing, like vanilla marinated in honey.
Church bells pealed. The two grooms broke apart.
"Come on," emanated Billy. "Let's go inside. I'm ready now. Are you?"
"Fuck no," ululated Dom. "Look at this bloody hyacinth. It doesn't go at all with my socks."
And they bickered happily ever after.
The End (thank god)
A/N: I apologise for anything tasteful that may inadvertently have crept into this fic.
Read and tremble.
I just couldn't resist.
Mwuahahahaah!