new fic, the beginning thereof (wraith)

[lobelia321]

I just began my wraith fic. I'm trying to move beyond experimental a little towards actual fic (*gasp*) but using some of what I've learned doing my writing experiments: using cosmic pov (because I enjoyed that in Spiralling) and trying for intrusive narrator and omniscience, but then switching to very subjective pov. I'm going to try wraith pov, too! Perhaps as a sort of weird stream-of-consciousness, POSSIBLY IN ALL-CAPS HOW ANNOYING IS THAT.

I haven't got to the personal pov yet but here's my first draft of the cosmic pov beginning. (Very James Michener's Hawaii, I know...) I'm not sure I like it entirely as the fic is very actiony and this is rather slow but hey, I'm not used to writing action and am writing my way through this. Progress not perfection!



Wraith island

The planet is yet young. Tectonic shifts crumble its crust.

There is no large fauna here, no vertebrates, nothing that thinks. But there are grasses and umbels and coniferous trees; and on the ocean floor, tubular worms dig patient tunnels through the sand.

The island dreams of nothing. Its shores are washed by the endless surf, roller after roller crashing on the black silt. Now and again, the mountain belches, just a little. The sky stretches above, blue and vast.

At first, there is only a dot. Then a shape, black against the pastel. Then it comes hurtling down, screech and clunk and noise. Thwump! And it lands on the beach, its snout half-buried, its tail concertinaed out of shape.

The wind blows hollow. Pumice rocks on the waves.

Something comes crawling out of the wreckage. What is it? A life form, a biped, an alien from outer space.

It has two legs but right now, it moves along on all fours. It pulls itself along by its hands, scrapes its belly across scree and sand, drags its feet. If we listen more closely, we can hear its broken gasps.

It leaves a trail across the beach where no trail has ever been before.

There are rocks a bit further up from the shore. Jagged. Rust-coloured. The creature collapses in their lee, and then the wreck explodes.

Boom! A fire ball, a cloud of black, shock waves on the air, the biped cowering behind its rock.

Debris rains down. Small thwacking noises as it hits the ground, loud plops where it sinks into water. Another smaller explosion. More orange, more smoke.

Then nothing.

The creature in its shelter coughs and splutters.

The smoke clears; all that is left of the space ship is a twisted hulk.

Sunlight whirls in the apex of the sky.

Something moves within the wreckage. Something comes crawling from the ruin, another life form, another biped, another alien from outer space.

The creature behind the rock twists its head to see. "Shit," it murmurs. "Shit shit shit."

The other biped rises to its feet, ataxically but without a doubt. It blows the soot from its lips; it twitches its cheeks and lo, they heal.

"Just my fucking luck", mutters Colonel John Sheppard behind his rock. "Crashed on an unknown planet, and the damn wraith is still alive."

•





Anak Krakatau. (I was there in 1974.)

Comments

[severusslave.livejournal.com]

Oh, cool! So Sheppard's alone? Awesome! And a picture, great!

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

So you like it? You don't think it's too strange a beginning? And oh yes, it's Sheppard/wraith. And the island. No distractions. I need pics for inspiration; I always try to have a nice pic. At first this island was a kind of atoll with white sand but then I thought how this was a young planet and how there would still be volcanic activity (later on in the fic, the volcano erupts) and I remembered that I had visited Anak Krakatau as a girl, so I modelled the island in my imagination on Anak Krakatau (in Indonesia).

You are so sweet for reading! :-)

[severusslave.livejournal.com]

Yes, I like it, very much even. :) And, no, it's not too strange a beginning, in fact I love descritive starts of a chapter/stroy in which the characters or their names are revealed in the course of it.

Volcanic planet, hurray. :D That's a phenomenal setting, in my humble opinion. Hmm, the question of food has to be adressed, ...err Sheppard's food. :P

*glee*

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

*g* You've got right to the heart of it, haven't you? Yes, I have given quite a bit of thought to the food. Sheppard, obviously, is food but he's only useful to the wraith alive so the wraith is also interested in providing Sheppard with food. But there is hardly any food on the island, only a few fruit on a few trees, kelp, worms, slugs, insects. Sheppard also goes diving to find limpets and molluscs, maybe there are a few crabs. This planet has not yet evolved any vertebrates so there aren't any fish! In fact, both Sheppard and wraith are going to be living pretty close to the edge in this fic. There is also no fresh water on this island.

[severusslave.livejournal.com]

There is also no fresh water on this island. o_O interesting...
kelp, worms, slugs, insects. Oh, the Lion King! Heehee.

Will stay tuned. :D

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

The Lion King?? Does he eat kelp??

[severusslave.livejournal.com]

Haha, no, prolly not. But remember the scene after he'd met Timon and Pumba and just got to know that there are no zebras or whatever there for him to eat and he's gotta make do with worms and beetles. Heee.

(I know the line, but only in German, grr. Schleimig aber vitaminreich! That would be 'Slimy but ...full of nutrients!' in Englisch. Maybe. I dunno. *must aquire DVD*)