homeric gift snippet

[lobelia321]

For the wonderful thamiris who asked for this:
can I have Homeric style with Achilles and Patroclus? And no adverbs at all, just to see what happens?





Rose-tinted dawn

Rose-tinted dawn found the noble Achaens making libations to Athene of the flashing eyes. Achilles of the swift feet donned his well-made armour as he stood by the curved ships on the water-washed shore.

The lord Patroclus spoke, "The gods smile upon you today, noble son of Thetis. The aged soothsayer, Dementhes of the wizened hair, has seen, flying across the camp, a pair of doves entwined in mortal combat whereupon a feathered eagle bore down and hacked off both their heads with his spear-sharp beak. Remember, too, the night we spent in our black-clothed tent. The sated man is ever the fleetest warrior."

"Sturdy Patroclus," retorted Achilles, the speedy runner, "this speech befits you well, and the house of Peleus will be always in your debt for your wise tutelage and canny counsel. Come, put on the well-made armour that you have so honourably won in battle against the Athosians of Crytpon and the Pelagians on the wooded mountains of Zakynthos."

Patroclus put on the armour, worthy of the craft of Hephaistos but no man knows what the Gods have planned for him and his heart was light, although his fate was already charted on Olympus. He placed one hand on the well-turned shoulder of noble Achilles. They exchanged their heart-felt farewells and hefted their long spears.

Comments

[thamiris.livejournal.com]

Oh, this was fabulous, Homeric and--dare I say it?--Homerotic! (Really, bad punning is a tribute: I don't cast neologisms in just any old direction.) I love the foreshadowing, Patroclus ignorant of his fate, the two expecting the same glory they found in the past, but of course Atropos will be doing her snipping thang.

I'm sighing happily all over the place! This was such a tasty Sunday-morning treat that I'm ready to forgo breakfast! Thank you, babe!

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your thank you! Homerotic, honestly. *laughs* Hoho, bad!pun fest. As I said to you elsewhere, this was trickier than I expected. And then kind of kept spilling into what I wrote after. Somehow, once you get into the rose-fingered and the well-turned and all the other Homeric adjectives, it is not easy to shake them! :-)

[azewewish.livejournal.com]

Nicely done, babe. Very Homeric.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Thank you, thank you! It was quite tricky getting into the Homer, trickier than I had anticipated. Hm, nice icon, *g*. Book plus invertebrate, a good combo.