Picspam: And after football, there is always golf

[lobelia321]

I first discovered the British Open in 1996 when, staring blankly at my TV screen in the wake of the European Cup, I assuaged my football withdrawal with the sight of portly, middle-aged gents hitting a small white ball around a windswept golf link.

Golfers perform a very different masculinity to the one performed by footballers. These differing types of masculinities fascinate me.

What is slashy:

They go around in pairs. And they also go around in threesomes.

They embody the Manly Mature Man, not the Pretty Young Hotshot. (Except for Tiger Woods who, radically, embodied the pretty young hotshot for a few years there. But even he has filled in around the edges and anyway, he is too straightlaced to be a real hotshot.

They are total drama queens and divas. This is not a team sport! They camp and vamp and hype it up individually! They have temper tantrums; once I saw one golfer break his club over his knee, or they throw the club down; they fall into bunkers and do battle with sand and 'the rough'.

The expression 'the rough' is canon.

They have caddies!! Caddies, quite naturally, are bottoms.

Their fashion sense is out of this world. It chimes in with the divaishness of them all. Some very important questions: Do I wear a baseball cap or a Stetson? Do I wear a polo shirt or a button-down? How flappy are my trouser legs? Do I wear black? Do I wear saddle shoes or black brogues? Identikit biceps-revealing team uniforms? Not for these guys!

Commentators also love them so they, just like footballers, are Men Loved By Men. I heard various pundits swoon and giggle whenever they mentioned the name 'Tiger' (just as they did in the group stages of the World Cup with respect to Ronaldinho). Commentators call them son and fellow!!! As in: "Come on, son." "And look at what this feller is doing."

They show that you can be mature and not have a six-pack but still be a sportsman and a Man!

I bet they're really hot in bed. Except for Tiger Woods who is too considerate.

T'h: "Do you want to fuck Tiger Woods?"
Me: "Yes! No, on second thoughts, no!"
T'h: "Yeah, he'd say... *puts on American accent* May I tweak your nipples, please?"
Me: "Exactly! He's too considerate!"
T'h: "I meant: he had to ask."



Tiger Woods / Nick Faldo


I've got a bit of a thing for Nick Faldo. He's 49; he looks like Harrison Ford; he's cantankerous and irascible. Plus, he and Tiger are the big drama of this Open. Tiger who never drops a bad word about anybody has been icy on the subject of Nick who dared to analyse Tiger's swing on TV in a not entirely worshipping fashion. They apparently exchange very few words as they go round. When the met up yesterday morning for the first time, before teeing off, they shook hands briefly and then Nick pointed to his cheek, as if inviting Tiger to plant a big smackeroo thereon. Needless to say, Tiger did not oblige.



They are so slashy!!!





Oh, and the dude in the yellow Stetson? That's Shingo Katayama, and he is a one-man fashion statement. The yellow cowboy hat! The yellow plasticky necklace! The white flares! The portugal red button-down shirt! What's not to emulate?


Also note how Tiger's really into staring at Shingo's posterior.


Oh no! He's in a bunker.


Some of the peeps on my Flist love the Spaniards, *g*. Well, here's another one: Miguel Angel Jimenez. Note the hair! (It is tied in a cheeky knotty pony tail.) Really, and you thought only the footballers and The Sentinel mania-fans cared about the hair?!


And you gotta love this American dude. Those wonderful slacks! And really, they are truly slacks; they are not trousers, they are not pants. Well, they could be patio pants! His name is Robert Rock. Yes, that's right: it's a name straight out of a porno film.



And the great thing is: you don't have to be well fit to be a golfer pro. This is Phil Mickelson who is nice and rotund. Something to hang onto of a cold evening, gals!



But in case you thought they just stand around, manipulating balls: here is a golfer in action!! Retief Goosen of South Africa (land of the next World Cup!!).



Finally, some more gratuitous pics of my golf OTP



See, they even have diving!!


Oh, the angst, the angst! The superstar and the has-been!


Come and look at my ball anytime.


Drama queen.

Comments

[birdgerhl.livejournal.com]

maybe it's because i am slightly (er...) drunk (having been sitting out in the garden quaffing beer all afternoon), but i am laughing my head off here.

hope to see you and giggle in person next time i make it down to lahndahn....

b.x :D

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

One sport goeth, the next sport cometh.

*cackles in deranged manner*

[birdgerhl.livejournal.com]

you are insane, and i claim my free prize.

b.x :)

ps. of course, i could go and see the golf, if i gave a flying fuck, which i don't. *lol*

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

if i gave a flying fuck
Maybe your sekrit sporting passion is sky diving? sports plane flying?? aerodynamic intercourse???

Extreme ironing????

[birdgerhl.livejournal.com]

well, i have been practising my ashtanga yoga today (before i hit the beer), and if i was good enough at it, i'd be able to "float" through some of the sequence. but, er, i am not.

i need a lie-down...

b.x :D

[lhuneldaiel.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! You are right, golfers are such drama queens. Even the amateur ones.
But I miss the manpiles *sulks* the groping and ass-patting, and when it's really good, the kissing.

[tansu.livejournal.com]

Some of your picture links are not playing ball.

I love the slinky slightly hipsterish trouser that's popular these days - Sergio Garcia always looks nice in his, as did Robert Rock today(Robert Rock is English, btw, not American). Whatsisname Edfors was absolutely dashing in green and white when he won the Scottish Open last week. Didn't make the cut this week, and neither did Poulter and his amazing spangly trouser roadshow.

I agree that Nick Faldo is extremely hot these days. Who'd have thought it, looking at him in the late 80s and early 90s when he was winning Majors. And he does have such a sharp mind and dry sense of humour.

For attitude, you can't beat Miguel Angel Jimenez. He has a great sense of humour, and smokes mahoosive cigars, which is a big plus point in my book (a cigar, some Rioja and a damn good time, that's what you'd get with Miguel Angel). Darren Clarke also. I love the way that Darren Clarke chooses insanely bright clothes that clash vigorously with his orange tan. Nobody in the world, man woman child or beast, wears heliotrope or lime sorbet quite like Darren Clarke. Now that's maculinity for you. A cigar smoking, well built Northern Irishman in a pale pinkish purple shirt, trousers and visor. Hey hey hey.

The man of the house and I will be singing our Ernie Els chant tomorrow. Been watching it all day - man of the house always takes two days off work to watch the Open on telly. We love Ernie. I'd merrily ride him into the middle of next week, to be honest. He has that "big lad" thing going on. And a very sexy South African accent.

Your husband is right about Tiger Woods being too considerate and painfully courteous. I'd add that Phil Mickelson would probably be too confused by the whole idea to be of much use.

[tansu.livejournal.com]

ALSO it is to be noted how the young 'uns may start out as caddies. Ganymede ahoy!

Looking after the older chap's balls and stick(s). Holding the bag. Heh heh.

[vamysteryfan.livejournal.com]

My, oh my, oh my! Lovely photos. Tiger is so checking out Shingo's ass. Robert Rock is a cutie pie. Loved the comment about the hair and ponytails. And sheds new light on Garett being an avid golfer.

[crowswing.livejournal.com]

i always thought golf was more fun to play than to watch (well, beyond its obvious level of truth), but next time it's on the telly i'll be sure to put my slash-coloured glasses... all thanks to this post.

Performing Masculinities

[grondfic.livejournal.com]

A bit OT - but if you're into ballet in any way, I'd recommend Carlos Acosta. He's self-consciously performing masculinity on stage; and can do a pretty good turn offstage as well.

I'm trying to find a dvd of La Fille mal Gardee which stars Acosta as the Village Swain; plus there's a tiny cameo by one of the company playing a cockerel - in a horrendous chicken-cozzie, bit STILL radiating masculinity in front of his hens. Of course, there's also a celebrated "pantomime dame" role in the Widow Simone - which gives you a good contrast - a man performing femininity.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Yes, the lack of manpiles is a drawback. But then it only goes on for 4 days and not an entire month of madness.

Love the icon!!!

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Yes, what is it with these stupid picture links? *kicks getty images* I should not have hotlinked but I just couldn't bothered with the downloading...

So you know stuff about golf!! :-)

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Ganymede!!! *snorts*

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Yay! Robert Rock is semi-cute because I just can't take my eyes off those patio pants...!

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

So you play golf..????!

Re: Performing Masculinities

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Ballet! And junalele is into figure skaters. The world of slashiness never ceases to astound me with its boundlessness.

[lhuneldaiel.livejournal.com]

Love yours too, what does it mean? Amo I guess means 'love'?

[tansu.livejournal.com]

My partner and his family are golf mad, and I have been swept along. I have even taken up the game, although I am not any good at all yet.

It was a good Open all around, except for poor Monty. I was glad Tiger won, for his Dad, glad Chris DiMarco did well, for his Mum, glad Ernie did well, after his awful knee injury, and glad young Sergio did well. And there was wicked schadenfreude that Vijay Singh missed the cut — man of the house cannot stand Vijay.

[tansu.livejournal.com]

Robert Rock is Michael Owen in disguise.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

*spews elderflower juice into keypad*

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Ooh, what is teh hate for Vijay Singh? And where was Greg Norman? Is he injured?? I like GN's hat.

So is it fun playing golf?

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Oh, we haven't talked about this icon yet...? These are the lips of Cristiano Ronaldo from that video (you know, the Exclusivo Mundial, where they interview him in his house and he sings 'Moody'), and the writing (which I spent a lot of research on...!!) says 'I love his kisses' but (and here's the slashy twist!) in Brazilian dialect. Which means that these words are said by Kaká about Cristiano. Obviously.

I was very pleased when a Brazilian person somewhere on the world cup slash comm asked me if I was Brazilian; she had assumed I was because of the text in this icon!!

See? Slash is educational and will get me to learn Portuguese yet. I just know it.

[tansu.livejournal.com]

He cites Vijay's 2 year ban for allegedly cheating, and also Vijays somewhat snarky personality. Although it's partly one of those irrational sports hate things. The men seem to like a bit of frothing-at-the-mouth hatred.

The commentators said that Greg Norman is so busy with all his business interests (course design, property and wine) that he only does a few tournaments a year, and missed out on this one.

[lhuneldaiel.livejournal.com]

LOL I recognised the lips alright. That video drives me insane, hahaha...
The Brazilian dialect gives it a nice twist indeed. That fic was just...GUH!

Re: Performing Masculinities

[grondfic.livejournal.com]

Figure skaters rock too!