FICLET: The wraith of Mordor, by Lobelia

[lobelia321]

shusu made me do it!

Title: The wraith of Mordor
Author: Lobelia
Fandom: Cross-over SGA/Lotr fps.
Keywords: orc = wraith



The wraith of Mordor
by Lobelia

The iris opened, the blue grume squilched, the wraith smelled the familiar odour of stale petrol and burning felt, and then he was through.

He stepped out of the Gate into an unknown world.

There was a mountain in the distance. The air was dark with fire. Black clouds hung in a heavy sky, and live beasts circled overhead. There were no signs of human habitation, just some make-shift stone shelters and, in the distance, a mighty fortress looming across the horizon.

"Oi," said a rasping voice.

The wraith turned around.

"Wot are you doin' there?"

A hulking creature moved into view. Its skin hung in scabrous folds, and one of its eyes bulged red. Grume clung to its chaps. In its paw, it swung a leather whip.

"You should be with your company! It's after curfew!" bellowed the apparition.

"Lead me to your chieftain," said the wraith imperiously.

"Oi," said the hulk. "I ain't havin' no lip from you!"

"And what," said the wraith, "is the name of your people?"

"Haw haw haw. You're a funny one, you are. We're orcs, my good sir." The creature simpered, then drew itself up to its full height and roared, "And now shuddup and get back to yer company, or I'll whip yer till yer balls drop off!"

"My balls?" said the wraith and frowned with his spiracles.

"Yeah!" yelled the - what had it called itself again? ah, yes - 'orc', and lifted its metal coat of armour to reveal a dangling sac of flesh, topped by a thick brown protuberance. "Yer fuckin' balls! Haw haw."

"I wonder how nourishing you are," murmured the wraith for he was starting to get irritated by the looming hunk.

"So get a move on, all right?" screeched the 'orc' and lashed out in the direction of the wraith. He jumped aside to elude the bite of the whip. "Wot the...?" And the 'orc' tried again but the wraith, agile as a bug, leaped in the opposite direction. "Hold still, will yer? I'll have you for this..."

The 'orc' lumbered forward and hurled itself at the wraith with an almighty roar, and the wraith snatched up his hand and caught the brute square at its heart centre. He closed his eyes. The creature's life juices shot up the vulva of his palm and spasmed into life deep in his inner core. He moaned.

He dropped the lifeless wreck of an 'orc' to the ground and stepped forth. It had been good, wild and metallic, but a bit too base for the wraith's fastidious predilections. He lifted his hand and licked the juices off his feeding mouth.

"Greetings, brave warrior!"

The wraith whirled in surprise.

A tall humanoid emerged from behind a boulder, as different from the 'orc' as a hive ship was from a puddle jumper. The biped's physique was slim and tall, its mane as long and smooth as the wraith's own hair, only black where the wraith's was fair, and coiffed with equal care. It wore a pre-technological weapon across its shoulder, of a make that the wraith had sometimes encountered in settlements across the Pegasus Galaxy.

"Rarely have I seen yrch despatched with such fey dexterity," said the being whose voice was sonorous, as that of an Ancient. "Hail to thee, strange warrior. I am Legolas, son of Thranduil. What brings you to the fell land of Mordor where the shadows dwell?"

"Are you the leader of these people?" said the wraith. "Take me to your ship!"

"Ah, our vessels lie far in Greyhaven but the hour of leaving for Westernesse is not yet upon us, fair warrior. I would, before we depart for those shores, be honoured if you would teach me the trick of killing yrch, as you just did."

"These are rich new feeding grounds," said the wraith.

The creature - what had it called itself? a 'legolas'? - looked about itself. "We must leave before night falls," it said. "Lo, what is this circular thing I see before me?"

"That, my friend," said the wraith, "is a Gate. And you and I, we're going to go for a little walk." He grabbed the legolas's arm, and surprisingly lithe and muscular it was, and yanked the being through the iris and back to Planet Zigzag.

There, with the twin suns shining benevolently upon the burbur trees and the impings frolicking about the rlr bushes, the wraith had his way with the slender alien. Sated from the 'orc', he could take his time over feeding. He could take it step by step. He could savour each mewling sound from the white throat, each drop of honey from the long thin shaft between the creature's legs, each morsel of eternity to be wrested from its fluttering, heaving, gasping breast.

Never had the wraith fed so long and so deeply. Never had he tasted something so full of life. It was like feeding on eternity.

And in the end, dizzy with immortality, overdosed on life and high on death, the wraith keeled over and released its spirit to the ether.

"Fie," said Legolas. "You are quite evidently some new evil, bred in Sauron's infernal orc kitchens. But do not think a foul thing like you can best an elf of Mirkwood. Now, where is that magic portal to take me back to Gimli?"

---

The End. And that's a good thing, too.
29 November 2006

Comments

[pecos.livejournal.com]

Bwww haa haa haa! You're far more evil than all the wraiths and Orc in this dimension or the next! Hand vulvas indeed!

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

*giggles* Thanks for reading this bit of teh silly. But also weirdly apt. Because, hey, as soon as I saw my first wraith I made this icon. Finally, it has come into its own!

[brightest-blue.livejournal.com]

Hee. As usual, I love your orcs. And I love it that Legolas pwned the wraith.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Thsnks for reading teh silly. But strangely apt. What does 'pwned' mean again? Also, finally! My icon makes sense! I knew I had it for a purpose. *g*

[brightest-blue.livejournal.com]

Oh, "pwned" means something like to thoroughly kick someone's ass. I think it originated in online gaming, maybe due to someone mis-typing "owned." For instance, this icon is named "Starbuck pwns." I kind of wish it said it on the icon, although I think it's also pretty self-explanatory. :-)

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Oh! And I thought 'pwns' meant 'porns'. Huh.

[brightest-blue.livejournal.com]

Hee. Of course you did!

[jaebi-lit.livejournal.com]

OMG that was hilarious! I love the line 'And in the end...to the ether.'

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Thank you! You are so kind to comment on this silly thing. But, you know, I am writing a long wraith fic so all of this is actually based on months' worth of thinking obsessively about wraith, and the releasing of the spirit to the ether (which I am so squeed about that you picked up!) comes from that whole other wraithverse... I may even be ready to post that other one soon! *g*

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

heeee!

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Thank you for that heeee! *g*

[cupidsbow.livejournal.com]

This is classic!

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

You are unbelievably sweet for saying this! Mwuah.

[cupidsbow.livejournal.com]

Not sweet, just saying it like it is. You are one of the best fanfic writers out there, and your best work is luminous. Also, I recced this on lotr_squee. ;)

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Well, in that case, you must be one of the best feedbackers out there. :-) Actually, though the words 'the best' go down like treacle, of course, I'm not sure they describe anything accurately. What is 'good' after all in fandom terms? Ah, the philosophy of it all.

[aquaangel.livejournal.com]

LOL! I had to read it twice to get it cause I just woke up and was like ???? Wraith in LoTR? When? Where? But it made me laugh! Poor Wraith, Leggie bested him in the end. Haha! Loved the last line! Good work!

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

What a kind comment for this little bit of silliness which just had to be written. *g* Thank you very much!

[shanthaia.livejournal.com]

Good Grief! That fic is not less disturbing than the last one I read from you :o Sends pleasant shivers down my spine. Is there more? *Looks with big pleading puppy eyes at lobelia321*

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

*laughs very much* I haven't read this in ages! I just re-read and was amazed to find that my mind doesn't seem to have slipped from its one-track groove in all this time. *gg*

Thank you for reading! Wraith/Sheppard is on the boil!