More Wainthropp! War! Gardening! Football!

[lobelia321]

Well, demelzagirl's birthday outed a whole lot of closet Wainthropp admirers so here's a new batch of lovely txts by the Evil Little Fandom for your delectation!

Quick blurb: Derek, his dad Mr Wainthropp and boy detective Geoffrey go boating, ponder the war, do a spot of gardening and watch football. Guest appearances by: Gary Lineker and Alan Hansen!!


lobelia321:
"Don't be shy, boys; you know that skinny dipping in the Darwen has a long tradition. Why, when I was a lad..."
"But Mr Wainthropp, it's December!"
"I'll warm you up after..."

lobelia321:
"It's nice that Derek hired this car!"
"But not so nice to be stuck in this traffic jam."
"I don't know, I can think of ways to pass the time..."

lobelia321:
TITLE: Joys of the M26
"Oi, not fair, what are you two up to back there while I'm stuck here at the wheel?"
"The traffic's so slow, Derek, just clamber on back."

lobelia321:
"Mr W, there's that new war movie on at the cinema."
"Oh, no, Geoffie, allus reminds me of Dunkirk, and those loud bangs hurt me ears. Take Derek to see it."

demelzagirl:
"Why are you boys wearing makeup?"
"It's camouflage; we're playing at soldiers."
"Geoffrey! Get your hands off our Derek's bayonet..."

demelzagirl:
"Ey up, our Geoff, in that uniform you put me in mind of a GI I was rather pally with in t'war. We used to get up to some nighttime manoeuvres, I can tell you."

lobelia321:
"There was private Christopher Lee, for example, a tall strapping youngster-- wonder what became of him... Anyway, he was particularly good at reviving chilly members..."

demelzagirl:
"Tell us more about t'war, dad."
"Well, it used to get right chilly of an evening, but we had ways of keeping warm."
"You mean wearing a vest, Mr W?"
"Not exactly..."

lobelia321:
"Derek, which war are we enacting here exactly?"
"Well, which war involved this much margarine?"

demelzagirl:
"I tell you what, our Geoff, they should bring back National Service. That'd make a man out of you."
"S'alright, Mr W, you and Derek are doing a pretty good job."

Upon discovering, in some episode or other, that Mr Wainthropp maintains an allotment (Never let it be said that we don't keep a close eye on the canon!)
demelzagirl:
"Oh, Geoffrey, you're all covered in compost, you dirty boy..."

lobelia321:
"Pass that dibble, lad. No, no, that's t'fork for pricking out."
"I didn't know we needed a fork for that, Mr W!"

There follows a sideline: Gary Lineker/Alan Hansen football-commentator slash!
Pic of this dynamic duo here (scroll down)

demelzagirl:
"I cannae wait tae see the lads in action again, Gary!"
"You want action, Alan? All you had to do was ask..."

lobelia321:
"After that strenuous bout of telecommentating, Alan, let's have a quiet night in."
"Yes, isn't Hetty Wainthropp on?"
"Oh, I do like that Geoffrey."
"I'm all for Mr Wainthropp, myself."

Demelza (revised by Lobelia):
"How about a spot of role play, Alan?"
"'Ooh, Mr Wainthropp, do you like it when I put my hand there?'"
"'Oh, yes...'"
"Er, Gary, on second thoughts, mebbe this isn't a good..."
"'Oh yes, Geoffrey, don't stop, lad...'"

lobelia321:
"That was phenomenal, Mr Wai-- I mean, Gary."
"And you look really dashing in that black shirt, too, Geoff-- er, Al. Especially as that is all you've got on."

demelzagirl:
"Mr W, after last night's footy, I've had a brilliant idea."
"What's that, then, Geoff lad?"
"Well, how good are you at doing a Scottish accent?"



And if you want to re-read previous Wainthropp wonders or simply drool over some pics, visit our fabulous new website: http://www.geocities.com/evillittlefandom!!!