orgasms (what else?)

[lobelia321]

Musings on the need for orlandish stamina in slash fics

Question: How many orgasms should slashmen have per page? (Thanks to ladymoonray for prompting this deeply philosophical question some months back now.)



My answer: The orgasm scale

- if vampire: orgasm every 5 pages sufficient because sexy enough without
- if Domlijah: must have orgasm every paragraph, otherwise boring
- if threesome: must be simultaneous
- if ent: must have orgasm every ten years
- if elf: must have copious, very long orgasm every 500 years
- if Orli: no fewer than 2 per minute will do
- if Karl or Harry: must be searing
- if Ian Mckellen: allowed to be chaste
- if fern: fronds will do
- if manly man: orgasm must be violent and hard
- if Elijah: orgasm must cause spots behind eyes
- if Elijah again: orgasm accompanied by squeal
- if Billy: must be despite himself or cute
- if Dom in curlfic: no orgasm permitted, must watch and suffer
- if Christopher Lee: what's orgasm?
- if Peter Jackson: um

EDIT: (thanks to badgermonkey and lj user="pecos">

- if Geoffrey and Mr Wainthropp: takes place off-stage
- if Sean Bean: only if he can convince partner that he's *really* thinking about a woman