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lobelia321My very first improv!!
Written last night but not posted until now because I forgot to pay my phone bill and couldn't get online...
Title: Used and Abused and Not Amused
Author: Lobelia; lobelia321@aol.com
Pairing: Andrew Lesnie / Richard Taylor / Dominic Monaghan
Rating: PG
Category: Improv.
Content/Warnings: RPS
Spoilers: TTT.
Archive Rights: My niche only.
Disclaimers: This is a work of amateur fiction. I do not know these people. I am not making money. The events described in this story did not happen.
Author's Notes: This is my very first improv, written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
zarah5's ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
contrelamontre!! Time taken: 55 minutes.
Task: The same story told in three separate sections, using three separate points of view. Time limit: 1 hour max. Thanks for the inspiration, Zarah!
Who's who? Andrew Lesnie is the scrumptious director of photography. Richard Taylor is the even more delicious creative supervisor of visual effects at Weta. Brian Bansdown was the chief lighting technician. And Dominic Monaghan is Merry. Thank you, extended DVD!
-----
"Excuse me, what are you doing in that bigature?"
This is stupid. They're always ducking in there, checking out something or other. It holds things up no end. We need to get filming and can't be constantly doing last-minute check-ups, and then past-the-last-minute check-ups, and by now we must be up to a final past-the-very-last-nanosecond check-up. Perfectionism is all well and good but there is a limit. A time limit, to be more precise.
"Guys! We haven't got forever!"
"I know, I know, Andrew, and I apologise," he says, and emerges from the mouth of Edoras.
I peer at him. Dust in his hair. That shoelace cord he uses to hold his glasses on: all tangled up. Glasses themselves: fogged over.
And there's Dominic behind him. Crawling out through the opening, spitting out bits of grit, tousle-wigged, pink-cheeked.
"But we did have to get the scaling precisely correct," says Richard. He is completely unruffled. In fact, he looks at me with almost an amused expression, as if to say, 'poor Andy, always getting into such a kerfuffle.'
"We did," pipes up Dominic. "I need to know where I have to walk... and stuff."
Stuff? What stuff? Dominic doesn't even get filmed in Edoras, as far as I remember. But then what do I know? I'm only the director of photography, silly old me, what would I know about the needs of 'scaling' the actors?
"Okay, you finally done then?"
"Yes, absolutely, Andrew", Richard says. He gives me a pat on the back as he walks past, and as he disappears between two urethane trolls, I notice he's giving Dominic a similar pat on the back as well.
Well, aren't we all friendly on this set. Here a pat, there a pat. It's just one big patting party.
"Lights!" I shout, and Brian appears out of nowhere.
Hang on. What's that? That wasn't there before. Well, if it isn't... I thought he was 'checking up' on matters. This is ridiculous. He's left more mess than he went in to clear. So now it looks as if I have to squash my torso through the opening as well, reaching, stretching, for...
For that thing they've left in there. That little scrunched up thing. That little pink, rolled up, balled up, ballsed up, fucked up...
"What's that?" says Brian. "Did someone drop a tissue in there?"
"Nothing. It's nothing. Could you just adjust the meter one last time? Please?"
It's a small, smelly, hellish thing. Yes, it's a tissue. Yes, it's a used tissue. Yes, it's used and sticky and smells of magnet.
There's only one thing I know of that smells of magnet, and it isn't a compass.
Shit.
"You okay, mate?"
"Yes, yes, of course, I'm okay." I'm fine. I'm perfect. I love it when the creative supervisors crawl into million-dollar sets with boys young enough to be their... their nephews, , and when they leave litter all over the place, and when they hold up proceedings because they have to check out someone's scale. Oh yes, I adore that. It makes my day, that sort of thing does. It all adds to the professional joy of my Tuesdays.
I'm going to strangle that Richard when I see him next.
No, I'm not. I'm never going to touch him ever again.
-----
The Edoras miniature set was one of the largest sets we built, and it truly deserves the title of bigature. Its scale was set at 30 to 1, as opposed to the more usual scale of 500 to 1 utilised for most miniatures. It's one of the sets I am most proud of. We employed polycarthylene for the rock surfaces, dacrylic wax for the floors, and a mixture of compounded wire strematics and styropulp for the walls. We theorised that this would look like an old, weathered and rustic type of palace when captured on film. It embodies the Rohan attitude to architecture and culture, and we wanted all the different peoples of Middle Earth to have a distinct culture and history.
The actors needed to be aware of some of the contingencies associated with this miniature, or to be more precise, bigature. So I walked them through the set, step by step. I also used to take actors through for the purposes of scaling. We needed to know exactly whether the scales of actor and set fit. This would enable us to determine whether we needed to use the actors themselves or their scale doubles.
One of the most enjoyable mornings I spent during the shoots was showing Dominic Monaghan who plays the hobbit Merry around the Edoras set. He showed himself to be very interested in the design of it, in particular the areas right at the back. It was quite dark in those rooms at the rear. Our lighting technician, Brian, hadn't rigged up the kliegs and kinoflos yet. Dominic was very keen, as far as I recall, to study closely the details we had carved into the pillars and ceilings of these remote rooms of the building.
Of course, it was a small-scale set, so we had to crawl through on our hands and knees, feeling our way along the walls in the dark. In those final rooms, when we couldn't crawl any further, it was really quite cosy. In order to point out some of the detail of the carvings, I practically had to lie right on top of Dominic. And as it was getting very stuffy in there, we had to loosen our clothes a little as well.
I think Dominic benefitted a great deal from our preliminary visit to the set. As it turned out, he was never actually filmed inside the miniature in the end but I believe that no amount of preparation is too much. Perfection lies in the detail, and we at Weta have the philosophy of paying attention to the smallest details. Nothing is too small that we can't make it grow into something larger.
As Dominic found out that morning. And as did I.
-----
My god, my god. I'm here. I'm right here, where, which is where. Think, think. Yes, right, miniature. Very miniature it is, too. Small as an elephant's arse. And we're shoved right up it. Smells like it, too. Don't they ever air these things? I guess they don't, no need to, really. And now, atchoo, shit, I have to sneeze. All that bloody dust everywhere.
But Dick's good. Dick's got a tissue on him. Several tissues. Very kind of you to offer, thank you very much. And yes, I know exactly why you got me to come in here with you. I've read the script, and I know that Merry never enters the walls of Edoras. And I've also read your script, the script of your mind. So, yes, Dick, all this business about scaling -- you can't fool me. To be fair, I don't think you want to fool me. You just wanted to get me in here somehow. Into your creation. Up the elephant's arse of your imagination and your hot moist dreams.
And there's Andy shouting outside. Is that on purpose, too? Did we come here just at this time so that the shouting and the tramping of shoes outside and the scraping of lighting rigs would add to the urgency? Is that somehow exciting for you, is it, Dick? To know that there are people within a few feet of us? Does that get you going, Dick?
Well. Gets me going.
All this being quick about it. Not much scope for messing about and fussing around. In, out, shake it all about. And yes, that was just what I needed. That, and that, and oh yes, that, too. There's no time for useless talk, there's no space for elaborate athletics, there's not enough light for making goo-goo eyes. Direct action, speedy friction, that's all we have time for here. Just god, god, be careful of my costume.
Now we're out again. In, out, quick as two blinks. Quick as two shakes of a rabbit's tail. Two shakes of my knees, and yes, they're still a bit shaky. It's all that creeping about on them, does in your joints. And hello, Andy, yes, you can calm down now, we're out. We've done our little business in there, and you can go in and turn on your cameras.
Hang on. Andy's not calming down. And the way he's looking at Dick, that's a way, hang on, I know that way. I've seen that way before.
I have the sudden suspicion that something was going on there that I didn't know about. That we didn't just crawl in there for a fun quickie and a turn-on because we might be discovered. And had to be secret about it.
This wasn't about being secret at all. This was about shoving someone's nose in it. And god, where is that tissue? Did I drop it? Or did Dick drop it? Did Dick drop it on purpose? Is that tissue saying, 'find me, find me', and fuck, if that isn't my spunk he's trying that on with.
Too late. The tissue's been used. I've been used. Used and abused and not amused.
Dick? He just looks pleased with himself.
-----
The End.
19 November 2002, 23:02.
Written last night but not posted until now because I forgot to pay my phone bill and couldn't get online...
Title: Used and Abused and Not Amused
Author: Lobelia; lobelia321@aol.com
Pairing: Andrew Lesnie / Richard Taylor / Dominic Monaghan
Rating: PG
Category: Improv.
Content/Warnings: RPS
Spoilers: TTT.
Archive Rights: My niche only.
Disclaimers: This is a work of amateur fiction. I do not know these people. I am not making money. The events described in this story did not happen.
Author's Notes: This is my very first improv, written for
zarah5's contrelamontre!! Time taken: 55 minutes.Task: The same story told in three separate sections, using three separate points of view. Time limit: 1 hour max. Thanks for the inspiration, Zarah!
Who's who? Andrew Lesnie is the scrumptious director of photography. Richard Taylor is the even more delicious creative supervisor of visual effects at Weta. Brian Bansdown was the chief lighting technician. And Dominic Monaghan is Merry. Thank you, extended DVD!
-----
"Excuse me, what are you doing in that bigature?"
This is stupid. They're always ducking in there, checking out something or other. It holds things up no end. We need to get filming and can't be constantly doing last-minute check-ups, and then past-the-last-minute check-ups, and by now we must be up to a final past-the-very-last-nanosecond check-up. Perfectionism is all well and good but there is a limit. A time limit, to be more precise.
"Guys! We haven't got forever!"
"I know, I know, Andrew, and I apologise," he says, and emerges from the mouth of Edoras.
I peer at him. Dust in his hair. That shoelace cord he uses to hold his glasses on: all tangled up. Glasses themselves: fogged over.
And there's Dominic behind him. Crawling out through the opening, spitting out bits of grit, tousle-wigged, pink-cheeked.
"But we did have to get the scaling precisely correct," says Richard. He is completely unruffled. In fact, he looks at me with almost an amused expression, as if to say, 'poor Andy, always getting into such a kerfuffle.'
"We did," pipes up Dominic. "I need to know where I have to walk... and stuff."
Stuff? What stuff? Dominic doesn't even get filmed in Edoras, as far as I remember. But then what do I know? I'm only the director of photography, silly old me, what would I know about the needs of 'scaling' the actors?
"Okay, you finally done then?"
"Yes, absolutely, Andrew", Richard says. He gives me a pat on the back as he walks past, and as he disappears between two urethane trolls, I notice he's giving Dominic a similar pat on the back as well.
Well, aren't we all friendly on this set. Here a pat, there a pat. It's just one big patting party.
"Lights!" I shout, and Brian appears out of nowhere.
Hang on. What's that? That wasn't there before. Well, if it isn't... I thought he was 'checking up' on matters. This is ridiculous. He's left more mess than he went in to clear. So now it looks as if I have to squash my torso through the opening as well, reaching, stretching, for...
For that thing they've left in there. That little scrunched up thing. That little pink, rolled up, balled up, ballsed up, fucked up...
"What's that?" says Brian. "Did someone drop a tissue in there?"
"Nothing. It's nothing. Could you just adjust the meter one last time? Please?"
It's a small, smelly, hellish thing. Yes, it's a tissue. Yes, it's a used tissue. Yes, it's used and sticky and smells of magnet.
There's only one thing I know of that smells of magnet, and it isn't a compass.
Shit.
"You okay, mate?"
"Yes, yes, of course, I'm okay." I'm fine. I'm perfect. I love it when the creative supervisors crawl into million-dollar sets with boys young enough to be their... their nephews, , and when they leave litter all over the place, and when they hold up proceedings because they have to check out someone's scale. Oh yes, I adore that. It makes my day, that sort of thing does. It all adds to the professional joy of my Tuesdays.
I'm going to strangle that Richard when I see him next.
No, I'm not. I'm never going to touch him ever again.
-----
The Edoras miniature set was one of the largest sets we built, and it truly deserves the title of bigature. Its scale was set at 30 to 1, as opposed to the more usual scale of 500 to 1 utilised for most miniatures. It's one of the sets I am most proud of. We employed polycarthylene for the rock surfaces, dacrylic wax for the floors, and a mixture of compounded wire strematics and styropulp for the walls. We theorised that this would look like an old, weathered and rustic type of palace when captured on film. It embodies the Rohan attitude to architecture and culture, and we wanted all the different peoples of Middle Earth to have a distinct culture and history.
The actors needed to be aware of some of the contingencies associated with this miniature, or to be more precise, bigature. So I walked them through the set, step by step. I also used to take actors through for the purposes of scaling. We needed to know exactly whether the scales of actor and set fit. This would enable us to determine whether we needed to use the actors themselves or their scale doubles.
One of the most enjoyable mornings I spent during the shoots was showing Dominic Monaghan who plays the hobbit Merry around the Edoras set. He showed himself to be very interested in the design of it, in particular the areas right at the back. It was quite dark in those rooms at the rear. Our lighting technician, Brian, hadn't rigged up the kliegs and kinoflos yet. Dominic was very keen, as far as I recall, to study closely the details we had carved into the pillars and ceilings of these remote rooms of the building.
Of course, it was a small-scale set, so we had to crawl through on our hands and knees, feeling our way along the walls in the dark. In those final rooms, when we couldn't crawl any further, it was really quite cosy. In order to point out some of the detail of the carvings, I practically had to lie right on top of Dominic. And as it was getting very stuffy in there, we had to loosen our clothes a little as well.
I think Dominic benefitted a great deal from our preliminary visit to the set. As it turned out, he was never actually filmed inside the miniature in the end but I believe that no amount of preparation is too much. Perfection lies in the detail, and we at Weta have the philosophy of paying attention to the smallest details. Nothing is too small that we can't make it grow into something larger.
As Dominic found out that morning. And as did I.
-----
My god, my god. I'm here. I'm right here, where, which is where. Think, think. Yes, right, miniature. Very miniature it is, too. Small as an elephant's arse. And we're shoved right up it. Smells like it, too. Don't they ever air these things? I guess they don't, no need to, really. And now, atchoo, shit, I have to sneeze. All that bloody dust everywhere.
But Dick's good. Dick's got a tissue on him. Several tissues. Very kind of you to offer, thank you very much. And yes, I know exactly why you got me to come in here with you. I've read the script, and I know that Merry never enters the walls of Edoras. And I've also read your script, the script of your mind. So, yes, Dick, all this business about scaling -- you can't fool me. To be fair, I don't think you want to fool me. You just wanted to get me in here somehow. Into your creation. Up the elephant's arse of your imagination and your hot moist dreams.
And there's Andy shouting outside. Is that on purpose, too? Did we come here just at this time so that the shouting and the tramping of shoes outside and the scraping of lighting rigs would add to the urgency? Is that somehow exciting for you, is it, Dick? To know that there are people within a few feet of us? Does that get you going, Dick?
Well. Gets me going.
All this being quick about it. Not much scope for messing about and fussing around. In, out, shake it all about. And yes, that was just what I needed. That, and that, and oh yes, that, too. There's no time for useless talk, there's no space for elaborate athletics, there's not enough light for making goo-goo eyes. Direct action, speedy friction, that's all we have time for here. Just god, god, be careful of my costume.
Now we're out again. In, out, quick as two blinks. Quick as two shakes of a rabbit's tail. Two shakes of my knees, and yes, they're still a bit shaky. It's all that creeping about on them, does in your joints. And hello, Andy, yes, you can calm down now, we're out. We've done our little business in there, and you can go in and turn on your cameras.
Hang on. Andy's not calming down. And the way he's looking at Dick, that's a way, hang on, I know that way. I've seen that way before.
I have the sudden suspicion that something was going on there that I didn't know about. That we didn't just crawl in there for a fun quickie and a turn-on because we might be discovered. And had to be secret about it.
This wasn't about being secret at all. This was about shoving someone's nose in it. And god, where is that tissue? Did I drop it? Or did Dick drop it? Did Dick drop it on purpose? Is that tissue saying, 'find me, find me', and fuck, if that isn't my spunk he's trying that on with.
Too late. The tissue's been used. I've been used. Used and abused and not amused.
Dick? He just looks pleased with himself.
-----
The End.
19 November 2002, 23:02.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
I knew it!
Date: 2002-11-20 12:43 pm (UTC)Nothing is too small that we can't make it grow into something larger.
*snort*
Hey, it's that can-do attitude that made these movies great!
Loved this, as usual.
Re: I knew it!
Date: 2002-11-20 12:57 pm (UTC)I know! I wonder, too! This DVD is really keeping me busy!! And all those new names to memorise... I'll take it one-by-one, I think.
Thank you also for your fb on Different Tastes -- will email anon!!
And improv-writing is fun, I discovered. You should try it! So that we get to read something more than a snippet of mega-epic every 5 months, *g*.
Stick the alarm clock on, take a deep breath and go. Kind of like hurling yourself off a cliff.
Re: I knew it!
Date: 2002-11-20 02:23 pm (UTC)Oh good! If you drag it out, you'll have an almost endless supply of slashable characters. It's like a lifetime supply of Lobelia-fics!
And improv-writing is fun, I discovered. You should try it!
I probably should. *sigh* I just have such a dearth of ideas these days. I think I'm too wrapped up in my OTP. *g* Although Dom-thoughts do keep butting in. Now I just need them to coincide with a free hour!
So that we get to read something more than a snippet of mega-epic every 5 months, *g*.
Has it really been five months? Hmm. Time for another snippet soon, I think. Although now I'm practically galloping towards an ending. I hope to be there in maybe a month or so. :)
Stick the alarm clock on, take a deep breath and go. Kind of like hurling yourself off a cliff.
Actually, the hurling self off cliff part is very much my style anyway. A time limit would probably be a good idea, though.
Re: I knew it!
Date: 2002-11-21 01:35 am (UTC)Now I just need them to coincide with a free hour!
Yes, let those Dom thoughts in!
And sometimes the time limit is less than an hour. Also, remember, i't's amx -- you can take less time, :-)
*eggs on natasha*
(no subject)
Date: 2002-11-22 01:05 am (UTC)Nothing is too small that we can't make it grow into something larger.
*can't stop laughing*
I loved the voices. Utter perfection. It deserves to read aloud...often. Where's our 'Slash at Bedtime' radio show?
thank you
Date: 2002-11-23 03:40 am (UTC)Does he actually say 'styropulp' anywhere on the DVD?
Heh, no, every single one of those geeky techno-words was entirely made up, *g*. If you only have an hour, there is simply no time to scuttle down to the DVD-player and do a lot of finding and winding... But it *could* be a word...!! *g*
Where's our 'Slash at Bedtime' radio show?
I know!! I want the Duck on tape! It's the sort of voice I could listen to for hours while ill in bed.
Re: thank you
Date: 2002-11-25 12:42 am (UTC)If you only have an hour, there is simply no time to scuttle down to the DVD-player and do a lot of finding and winding... But it *could* be a word...!! *g*
Ah, right! The fact that it was an improv slipped my mind there. You deserve even more credit for writing that techie-babble then! Would you believe it made a weird kinda sense to me? And by the way, 'styropulp' isn't a real word (although it should be), but 'styroplug' is. Why do I find that fascinating? Who knows.