a mysterious snippet of origfic

[lobelia321]

Philbert Mills stood and stared out at the blustering landscape.

The landscape was flat. Arctic winds zoomed across it unhindered. Trees ducked, weeds flattened themselves, cows shivered behind clumps of grass. The River Ouse threw up misty droplets, and a goose gave a forlorn honk.

Philbert sipped the last of his milky Lipton's tea. The landscape, as seen through his kitchen window, was a pale grey and brown rectangle. It was also fuzzy, obscured by the lace curtains attached to the frames by means of a length of clothes line and a couple of chrome loop hooks.

Philbert emptied the tea bag into the sink and walked into the living room.

The view from the living room was not as flat as the view from the kitchen. The windows were tri-partite, and each pane showed the same jumble of tiled roofs and the spire of Ely Cathedral looming above. A sad branch lashed against the glass, and a gust of rain made the hinges rattle.

Philbert sighed. The clock on the mantelpiece said 7:25.

He shrugged on his dark-blue anorak, tugged at the knot of his pale yellow tie, scuffed the tips of his Oxfords against the door mat by way of a shoe shine, and exited Nr 28 Cottonwillow Lane.

Some idiot had dinged the flank of his Ford Fiesta, 1999 model. Philbert glared at the scratch. It was a white wound in the marine blue veneer.

No matter, no time. 'And it's 7:30,' bleated the cheerful Radio 2 announcer.

Philbert, rumple-haired and annoyed, heaved himself into the driver's seat. The angry roar of his gear stick switching from first to second drowned out the tinkling of his mobile.

Which was a pity. Which meant that Philbert Mills didn't read the text message until he was almost on the Newmarket Road roundabout. By which time it was too late.

Much too late.


ETA: Continued here.

Comments

[junalele.livejournal.com]

Too late for what?! Woman! This is a bad, bad, bad, EVIL cliffhanger. Too late for what?! Argh! This better lead to something. There better be more. Because - yeah, too late for what. Too late to help somebody? Just too late to know that he didn't need to go get some ordered book because somebody else already got it? Wah!

Hmmkay. So I really liked how you incorporated the form on the windows into how it made the landscape behind them appear. Clever and working. Also: cows shivered behind clumps of grass - I love this picture, ridiculous but somehow totally working, and let's face it, cows are ridiculous anyway, cute but yeah. This whole snippet (which really, better become something more) has this awesome 'normal, but totally crazy'-feel to it which I love. A bit like Douglas Adams, like the first scene of the Hitchhiker's Guide with the yellow...erh...Bagger (no clue what this is in English)

And now, I've got to run to get to the Staatsbibliothek to get my books before they close the Selbstabholbereich at 1pm.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

omg, I never thought I'd read the word Selbstabholbereich on my LJ... *tears hair* Ah, the good old Stabi. Wonderful architecture but the bureaucracy... Ooh, and your icon. Hee.

Thank you so much for reading and commenting! There may be more!! You're a darling. Bagger in English is digger. And I had to teach my children not to say Bagger when they were little because in English this sounds somewhat rude, *gg*. Just like you can never talk about the philosopher Immanuel K. without twisting your mouth into odd shapes when teaching English students...

[junalele.livejournal.com]

Selbstabholbereich. heh. I got there in time. Two books weren't there. I can try again in a week or two. Funny. In two weeks I have to hand in that damn phd proposal. Oh well.

The icon is lovely, isn't it? Made by lasamy

And you're welcome. If we could now change there may be more to there will be more, then I shall be happy.

Just like you can never talk about the philosopher Immanuel K. without twisting your mouth into odd shapes when teaching English students...
ooh, I can but imagine. Reminds me of my grand-aunt. After World War II she worked as a secretary for the US here in Berlin and they probably asked what she did before the war or whatever. But anyway, they pronounced Goethe like "gooothy" and Schiller as "scyler". My grand-aunt, wo had a gingko tree in her garden because you know Goethe and that poem?, was not impressed. Heh.

[ios-pillow-book.livejournal.com]

Arghgh ... you and your 'snippets' ... arghghg . They're always leave me wanting to read on.

Too late? Too late for what?!?!

This is a great intro, very original, lots of really neat observations and details, it draws you in right away. I have no idea who this guy is, there's no mention of sex anywhere and I'm sure he's not a sheikh, but did I mention I'd like to read more about him?

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

*shrieks with happiness*

I wrote this, off the cuff. I also wrote this, feeling unsure and thinking, 'god, this is so boring'. And you liked it! And you want to know what will happen next! Fiction is so mysterious!!

There's a history behind this snippet. *g* I hope there will be more soon. First, I want to finish revising the wraith.

Thank you so much for commenting. You've made my day.

[brightest-blue.livejournal.com]

I love the atmosphere you've created. But, but, too late for WHAT? Foul temptress! :P

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Thank you, you sweet commentrix. Ah, I see that I shall have to post a sequel...

[viva-gloria.livejournal.com]

I think what I'm most jealous of is your word choices: blustering, zoomed, shivered. The sad branch.
And it's such a self-contained and three-dimensional scene you have built.
And cliffhanger = wicked tease.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

You are the kindest person to comment. Thank you so much. A comment from you means a lot to me. :-) It's such a revelation to get such a comment on something that was half off the cuff, and half me thinking 'god, I can't write'.