ORIG SNIPPET: Cactus

[lobelia321]

Snippet: Cactus
by Lobelia


'This is not America', says the song, and nor is it.

"America?" said Dr Joneson. "I don't even see a cactus."

"Cactus?"

When we were young, the oceans loomed large in the windows of our future.

***

Mrs Holloway stands on tiptoes to tie the bow of the Peter Pan collar of her sprigged cotton blouse. It is a lilac blouse, to go with her lilac lace-up shoes and the pale plum of her eyeshadow. She can still apply eyeshadow although the edges are a bit shaky and half of it powders up her lashes but these little untidy details are hidden behind the pebble thickness of her bifocals so are hardly worth spending worries over.

There is a speck of grease at the bottom edge of the hallway mirror. Mrs Holloway opens the hall cupboard, withdraws a spraycan of window polish and a vileda cloth, squirts chemicals onto the tarnished edge of the looking glass, rubs the spot with small circular movement and inspects it through screwed-up eyes.

Yes, that has cleaned up nicely.

Can't have specks all over the place. That would never do.

She looks down at her hem, up at the lace-lined buttontape of her blouse; she lifts her shoes and peers at their soles upside down; she hoicks up her skirt to scrutinise the weave and woof of her beige, 30-denier, cotton-gusseted tights.

All seems to be in order. No stray globs of egg, no crumbs or streaks of marmalade, no gum stuck to the instep; no holes, no ladders, no snakes, no signs of neglect, disrespect, dementia or incontinence.

It is important to look respectable. Or one might risk being relegated to the dustpile of decrepitude. It's bad enough having to hobble about with a walking stick but at least she's never had to resort to a rollator, or to a tri-walker, or to that dread of a senior lifestyle: the zimmer frame. And her neck doesn't look too bad today, either: wrinkly, yes, but pink and not overly wattle-like. Also, her walking stick is more of a lightweight cane, elegant, streamlined, and furnished with a patented double-click telescoping action that makes for rather flash hand movements when applied.

Mrs Holloway pats her ivory hair, smooths her tweedy flanks and sallies forth on patent-leather heels.

Jean-Claude smiles at her from his gilt-framed home above the peonies.

***

INTERNAL MEMO
To: J-C. Roulet
From: P. Tulip

Hi Jean-Claude. We talked about this on the phone earlier -- and you may by now have had a message through from marketing -- but I just wanted to say again how important it is for the club that we all join in on this outreach programme. Important for the image of the club -- important for the finances of the club -- important for regional football in Acclesburgh! I know it's a bit odd to go out to congratulate a little old lady on her 90th birthday -- sing her a song -- but it doesn't cost us a farthing -- and it's great publicity. Get in touch with Tracey in PR tomorrow -- she's setting up the media presence.

I count on you.

Peter


INTERNAL MEMO
To: P. Tulip
From: J-C. Roulet

but this is happening on thursday and thurs its not a good day for me. i have the match at 8 and the training and other things. better darren for to do it.

Jean-Claude


INTERNAL MEMO
To: J-C. Roulet
From: P. Tulip

Hi again. It's no problem about the match -- you'll be rested for the week. This will also help your ankle to heal after last week's injury. No one else can do this -- we need you especially because after last season's unrest about our financial situation and the controversy about foreign signings, we need the good publicity -- I told you this over the phone.

Tracey has set up a press conference with local papers and Radio Accles Two -- contact her, please.

Peter


INTERNAL MEMO
To: P. Tulip
From: J-C. Roulet

my ancle is no problem. she is very much better. i am 100% match fit.

Jean-Claude


INTERNAL MEMO
To: J-C. Roulet
From: P. Tulip

I don't want to hear about your match fitness and your ankle being better after last week -- we had the whole shebang, what with the stretcher and the medics and the rolling around in the penalty box -- which, I may remind you, was shown on Acc-TV in slo-mo replay! We risk being hauled before the FA for simulating -- so you cannot possibly run around as if nothing had happened.

Peter

P.S. You weren't -- were you? Simulating?


INTERNAL MEMO
To: P. Tulip
From: J-C. Roulet

darren says he dose'nt mind. also i no have good voice.


INTERNAL MEMO
To: J-C. Roulet
From: P. Tulip

Sorry, Jean-Claude -- but this is a managerial decision and this is final. You will be assisting Mrs Beryl Holloway on Thursday next -- you will accompany her to the VIP stands -- and you will present a bouquet of red daliahs to her -- our club flower, sponsored by Borough Flowers -- and remember, they will also be our kit sponsors next season -- and you will sing 'Happy birthday' to Mrs Holloway -- and all of this will make you very happy because you are making an old lady happy and you are making the press happy and you are making the owners happy. So -- be happy.

And for the last time -- no -- Darren Melville CANNOT be substituted. He's not a foreign signing.

Also -- Mrs Holloway specifically requested you.

Peter Tulip
Manager
Acclesborough United FC


TEXT MESSAGE
To: darren
From: jeanclaude

can u come round 2 teach me how u sing happy birthday i want to die

***

(Feb. 2007)

Comments

[cupidsbow.livejournal.com]

OMG, how much do I love Mrs Holloway. This is awesome.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Wow, Cupid. Thank you so much. I've been feeling so very low today and this redeems the day somewhat! Never thought I'd see the day when I'd write nonogenarian MarySue.. *grins*