FICLET: CONSONANTS.Happy birthday, Sheldrake!! Pairing: If you know Shelsie, you'll guess it. *g*

[lobelia321]

Dearest sheldrake, it's one day late but I wish you a very, very happy 2009 belatedly!






Consonants
by Lobelia

"Russ?"

"M?"

Then there was nothing for about a minute. No sound, that is. Vision continued. This in the form of jagged dots of light, some of them pink, some of them Yves-Klein-blue.

"You awake?"

"N."

Noel knew what the consonants meant. The M meant: "Yes, my friend, what do you wish to ask of me? I shall oblige willingly even though I would prefer to doze my days and nights away in an opium-induced stupour." And the N meant: "Fuck off."

Anyway, it wasn't even real opium. It was just some mish-mash of Tesco-herbs and leaves pulled off shrubs in the local park. And then stuffed into a cigar-shaped fat pen from Staples.

"Whatever. I've got to go now, though."

"H?"

H meant: "Where have you got to go to? You haven't got a life. So you haven't got anywhere to go."

"People can go places without a life," Noel said. He felt defiant. Maybe he'd start wearing a studded leather belt, like Russell. He could be tough. He looked at his long pale feet. His feet could be tough. All they needed was a pair of lace-up army boots.

Army was always tough.

"I could go to Afghanistan," he said.

"Kh," Russell said which was a sound like a truncated cough and meant, "Give over, go on with you, daft little bugger, whatever next?"

"I could, too," Noel said. He looked at Russell's bare feet. Russell had long toes and sickle-shaped toenails. A bit of grass stuck to the bottom of his sole, in the soft bit inbetween pad and toes. From the park, no doubt. From the opium raid, no doubt.

"B," Russell said and turned around to snore into his pillow.

"Well, b you, too," said Noel. He stole Russell's boots, unthreaded one of the studded belts from Russell's discarded jeans, stuffed the fat cigar-shaped pen into his shirt pocket... No, he didn't. He didn't have a shirt pocket for he was wearing only a T-shirt and no trousers.

No matter. Noel left the house, clad in top and boots, with a towel wrapped round his hips for modesty. The air was nippy. The bus stop said "Hello". "I'm going mountain climbing," said Noel to the rubbish bin. "And nobody can stop me."

THE END


Pairing: Noel Fielding / Russell Brand
Warning: Real! Person! Nudity!
Rating: G, if that.
Length: Short.

Comments

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHA! Ahhhh, this is so incredibly weird and great, I bloody love it!

Thank you thank you thank you! :D

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

ps. well impressed you got Yves-Klein-blue in there.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

I thought you might recognise that blue. :-)

I am happy you got this! And so early! Are you not at work?

Gads, what a pairing.

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

No, I gave myself the whole week off as a birthday present.

Heee, how lovely to get a fic prezzie, and nice to see that picture, too. :)

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

A week off! Whee. wot u did in that week?

Writing this fic just inspired another one. What an absurd fandom you profess.

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

Not very much, I'm afraid. I went into semi-hibernation.

[msilverstar]

They are so perfectly weird, like billiard balls with a perverse sense of humor, and you did them fabulously. :-D

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

I like the billiard analogy! I think Noel is the weirdest-looking man alive. Seconded by his cousin, the weird shaman who looks incredibly weirdy weird, too.

Russell just makes himself look weird by accessorising and hairising. If he got a short back and sides and took off everything made of metal or leather, he'd look like a municipal librarian.

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

Brother, not cousin.

/pedant

;)

Although I think Russell looked quite weird before he got the makeover. Just in a different way.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Brother?

The shaman is the brother??!

That is the weirdest looking family in the universe.

T'sons told me he was the cousins. Hm.

The Fieldings rool. I am so going to ship the brother now. Once I google his name.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Weirdness.



The lady is their mum. She is called Diane Fielding.

111

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

P.S. The little brother is Michael Fielding.

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

I was going to fill you in on the Fieldings, but I see you've already got there. The Fielding dad was also in the show - he played Chris de Burgh, if memory serves. Also, Julian's parents have been in it. And Noel's girlfriend. And all their other friends. And everyone they know.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

omg, it is a total FAMILY AFFAIR. It's just like 'hey let's have fun, dad, cousin, bro, mum, girlfriend, all join in, wanna join in?' I love it excessively! This is what gives it that quirky weirdy edge where I keep thinking 'are they acting? or are they not? and if not, what are they doing?'

Bollo. Who is Bollo?

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

It's true! :D And Julian's parents (mum at least) and I think a nephew, have been in it too. They're in the Council of Shamans.

Bollo is played by Dave Brown who went to art college with Noel. A lot of the animations and design and so on are done by their art school friends, too.

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

I see I've said one of those things twice. Ah well.

[msilverstar]

I've met some quite extreme-looking librarians, it's a civil-service job so once you have been promoted, they can't fire you for piercings or dreadlocks or whatever it is that kids and edgey people these days do to outrage us codgers.

Those two guys completely crack me up in real life. Or as it real as it gets, in their cases. They've taken performance art to half-sincere comedy. I should get some more of their stuff.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

I am not so fond of Russell Brand myself after the dreadful Jonathan Ross debâcle but Noel and Julian when they are the Mighty Boosh mesmerise me. And the shaman.

[msilverstar]

I meant to include this: Exene Cervenka (Viggo's ex-wife, singer for X) is a librarian. So WTF, why not Russell Brand too?

[lazulus]

You know, I rather think the Goth Detectives suit your writing style.

Write more!

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Oh. They are Goth detectives.

Now that you mention it I do remember something of the sort. But that is surely pure Sheldrake, right? That cannot possibly be canon, in any shape or form??

I am not entirely hugely knowledgeably about this 'fandom', you know. If it even be a fandom. This... weirddom.

[lazulus]

It is canon, Lobelia!! Bizarre, but true.

It is a small but rather perky little fandom full of people with very ncie icon. *nods sagely*

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's that youtube thing of New Year's last year, the quiz wot Sheldrake linked on youtube and wot i watched in its entirety, glued to the screen.

But I've gone off Russell Brand now, after the Jonathan Ross thing, and the bookie wookie already got on my nerves. He tries to hard to be odd-ball.

Noel, otoh, just is. Someone described it well somewhere on LJ when they said he sort of sparkles like something other worldly; he shines.

Is he the Moon?