FIC: 3/3 "Moon Madness" OB/DM (NC-17)
Oct. 21st, 2003 11:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lobelia3211/3 / 2/3
3. Orlando
The sex had been wild. The sex had been hot. It wasn't the sex that was bothering Orlando.
It was something else, and he couldn't quite figure it out. All he knew was that his adventure on the beach with Dominic had shaken him up more than was entirely logical. Had it been some sort of moon madness that had messed up his mind? Had that unearthly light twisted his sanity?
What had happened was this. When Orlando had lain on the sand, next to that tree trunk, he had looked up and seen his good mate Dominic, raunchy as hell, up for a bout of sex and a good laugh afterwards. Orlando had closed his eyes, and when he had opened them again, Dominic had gone. In his place, there was an outlandishly beautiful stranger, dressed in Dominic's skin, with Dominic's big ears and Dominic's knobbly nose and Dominic's lopsided smile, but all impossibly radiant.
This impossible new creature had looked at Orlando with eyes full of passion. Orlando had almost not been able to cope with that gaze but he also hadn't been able to tear himself away from it. And Dominic's cock, slowly coming into him, had been like some sort of Cupid's arrow piercing him through and through. He hadn't been able to look at him for long after that, and so he hadn't seen the expression on Dominic's face during orgasm. But he had heard the long, drawn-out moan, a sound that had haunted him to the very base of his spine. And then those laughs. Orlando had never before heard anyone laugh while coming. He had had to touch Dominic's face, as if to assure himself that this was still a man of flesh and blood, and not some creature from another universe.
When Dominic had fallen asleep, he'd looked at him, feeling overwhelmed by something, he didn't know by what. He had bent over and very, very softly touched his lips to Dominic's, and Dominic had smiled in his sleep.
After that, he'd had to escape into the sea. He'd hoped that the old prosaic Dominic would re-emerge after their dip. But he hadn't. He was still ridiculously, deliriously beautiful, and had remained so all the way home.
The next day started well enough, considering. In the morning, Dominic looked almost normal. Orlando went up to him, rumpled his hair and even managed a wink. He didn't want to be rude, after all. Jolly good fun and all the rest of it. Dominic, completely mundanely, yawned and had rings under his eyes.
Still, Orlando had decided that he needed to do something about this, and fast. He needed to go out and get laid by some breathtaking babe. Yes, it had to be a woman, someone as different as possible from Dominic and someone who'd make him forget this odd new creature and get him the old no-nonsense Dominic back. And, more importantly, the old no-nonsense Orlando.
That night, Orlando went along with everyone to some Thai restaurant, long table, people chattering left and right. Luckily, there was that cute girl from costume, sitting right next to him and making moon eyes. Another good sign was that Dominic was there, at the other end of the table, looking quite everyday. Phew, sigh of relief, file that one under 'weird and wonderful'.
But, then, Liv had nothing better to do than to call out from across the table, "So, did you two boys have fun last night, then?"
Others, who'd been at the barbecue, went, "Oooh!," and, "Do tell!" Orlando blushed a bit but that didn't even matter because a bit of a blush is very sexy, and he shot a quick glance at the costume babe, and then another quick glance at Dominic, just to show him his casual attitude to the whole thing.
But where was Dominic? That bloody stranger was there instead, with the lopsided smile and the sparkly eyes, looking straight at him. This time, Orlando blushed furiously and felt hot shivers crawl up his spine and back down again, and then up and down all over again.
He looked away and proceeded to flirt madly with the woman from costume, and sure enough, ended up in her bed later on that evening.
The sex was hot. It was completely different from the night before, and that was good, that was what he needed. But afterwards, he felt drained, like an empty bottle of oil. The woman looked at him, with those suspicious eyes that women can have, and she said,
"Anything wrong?"
He tried to say something gallant but his usual bedside manners had deserted him, and he could tell she didn't believe a word he was uttering.
"But you're sweet, anyway," she said. "You should go now and get some sleep. I had a lovely time."
Of course, that was just what he always said to compliment emotional partners out of his bed and out of his life.
So he slunk off quickly. As soon as he was in his own bed again, he started to replay the moonlight sex with Dominic, that weirdly metamorphosed Dominic, and that was bad, that was very bad, and it stayed bad after that.
It was just as well that Dominic had left Wellington the very next morning.
And today he was due to come back. Orlando, standing at the window in his hotel room, knew this. He knew that Dominic would any minute now walk through the lobby, three floors below, and walk up the stairs or catch the lift to his own room, one floor above. What Orlando didn't know was what he, Orlando, ought to be doing about his return. Or thinking about it. Or anything about it.
Orlando continued standing there and staring out at the rain coming down in long, sad strings over the city. It was gloomy in his room but he didn't want to turn the lights on. He looked out, placed his palms against the window pane and his forehead against the cool glass. He tried to imagine, for the seven-hundredth time, what Dominic's face might have looked like during orgasm. He opened his lips and stuck out his tongue. Then he jumped back.
"This is ridiculous!" he said out loud. "I'm licking and pawing a piece of glass!" He turned around, grabbed his coat and went out, slamming the door behind him.
Here was his plan: he'd go out for a long brisk walk, then he'd go to a pub and pick up someone. No one from the film, just some New Zealander, and he'd pick a pub miles away from where everyone else usually hung out, and he'd never let on that he had anything to do with the movie business.
Outside was windy and drizzly. No-one was about. Neon ads blinked on and off on the wet asphalt. Orlando pulled the hood of his rain coat over his head and buried his fists in the coat's deep pockets. He strode on, aimlessly at first, and then, recognising certain street corners, with a purpose towards the hill path.
He saw no other person, besides one lone man, out walking his dog. The man gave a cheery salute and passed by. After that, Orlando was alone, tramping up the path. It was not unpleasant out here. The rain swished down softly, and the earth smelled sharp and rich. Orlando started to sing an old pop tune to himself, a little walking song, with mostly forgotten lyrics. So he supplied his own words, along the lines of:
"There you were, looking at me sweetly,
On the beach, in the middle of the night,
And the moon was shining on your body,
All I know is that it felt so right,
Anyway, I do wish that I had kissed you,
You don't realise how much I have missed you..."
And so forth. It was sentimental drivel but he was pleased when he managed to make it rhyme and it suited the mood, somehow.
It was because he was absorbed in his singing and looking only at his feet trudging along through the mud that he didn't notice the man until he had almost walked into him.
It was Dominic. His hair was wet and his ears were red and he looked completely startled.
Orlando stopped singing.
Neither one said anything. Rain was going 'drip, drip' from some leaves on a tree.
"Hello," said Dominic finally. His voice sounded strangely high.
He did not look at all like the normal, old Dominic. But he didn't look quite as angelic as the one on the beach, either. So that was a relief.
"Hi," said Orlando. His legs were actually shaking.
They both turned away from each other's eyes and stood, looking out at the city.
"So," Orlando said. "You've got back already."
"Yeah," said Dominic. "Just a couple of hours ago."
Orlando nodded. A car honked, miles away.
"And?" said Dominic. "How've things been here?"
"Wet," said Orlando and risked a smile.
"Yeah...," said Dominic. "Though you're all right. Good coat."
"M & S," said Orlando. "Would you believe."
"What were you singing?" said Dominic.
"Oh," said Orlando, one of those small shivers creeping up his spine. "You heard that, did you?"
"I know the tune from somewhere," said Dominic. "But I can't remember the words."
"Oh," said Orlando again. "They're just... some old words." He stopped in confusion.
They lapsed into silence. Orlando suddenly smiled, he couldn't help himself. He blinked twice, then launched into his big statement.
"We had fun the other night, didn't we?" he said, and it came out all in a rush.
Dominic said nothing. Orlando waited, with bated breath. This was terrible. Then Dominic gave a little sniff.
"You all right, mate?" said Orlando.
"Yeah," said Dominic, in an oddly tight voice. "I'm just getting a fucking cold, that's all." He was staring straight ahead, at the horizon.
"Here, have my coat," said Orlando.
"What?" said Dominic.
"Have my coat," said Orlando, tugging the zip down.
"No, no, I'm all right," said Dominic.
"Go on, have it," said Orlando, pulling off the sleeves. "You're sodden."
"Don't be daft," said Dominic.
"I'll be fine, I've got a sweatshirt underneath, with a hood, look," said Orlando. He draped the coat over Dominic's shoulders, then he pulled his own hood up and also Dominic's hood. Dominic looked at him strangely and slowly pushed his arms into the sleeves.
"Thanks, mate," he said. "It's still warm." There was that lopsided smile again. "It's still warm from your body."
Whether it was the words or the smile or the sight of his own warm sleeves enveloping Dominic's arms, but Orlando suddenly had that familiar dry taste at the back of his throat again. He swallowed.
"Here," he said. "Let me zip it up for you."
Dominic stood quite still as Orlando took the corners of the jacket and fumbled with the zipper tag and the little slot. It was then that Orlando noticed how much his hands were trembling and that he couldn't get the fucking zip to go in.
"You better do it," he said and laughed a wobbly laugh. But he was still holding onto the coat tails.
Dominic took the ends of the zip. His hands closed over Orlando's fingers. The touch was like an electric shock. Orlando shivered. He kept his head down, not knowing where to look, yearning to look into Dominic's eyes but not daring.
The moment continued, as if stretched through time. Neither of them moved. Dominic's hands were on Orlando's, Orlando's hands were on the coat. A bird called somewhere, and there was a breeze but the world seemed to have shrunk to this small enclosed circle of hands on hands, hands on coat.
Slowly, slowly, and without daring to breathe, Orlando moved his hands into the coat and brushed his fingertips against Dominic's sweatshirt. He moved his fingers round, inch by inch, until they reached Dominic's waist. He was still only touching Dominic with his fingertips, and could barely feel him through the damp fabric, and yet this was making him shake like a leaf.
"Your top is sodden," he whispered.
"Yeah," said Dominic, and he was whispering, too.
Now Dominic's hands were moving, sliding along Orlando's arms up to the elbows, sliding along inside the sleeves and pushing up the sleeves as they went. Every hair on Orlando's arms stood up.
'I should be doing something,' Orlando thought weakly. 'I should be telling a joke or saying something outrageous because this is just for fun, isn't it, this is just a laugh between mates.'
But he couldn't say anything. He felt paralysed. He wasn't even thinking about the beach any longer. In fact, this was the first time in ages that he hadn't been thinking obsessively about the beach. His senses were filled with the presence of Dominic now and here, with the wet smell of his own sweat rising from the inside of the coat on Dominic's back, and with the cool, moist touch of Dominic's hands chilling his skin.
Dominic's hands were on the move again, crawling up his arms, outside the sleeves now. Already, Orlando was missing the touch of skin on skin. But then Dominic's hands were on his shoulders, and that was good, too, and then Dominic hooked his thumbs around the edges of Orlando's hood and pulled the hood off, sliding his thumbs along the sides of Orlando's head.
Orlando looked up. Their eyes locked, and a bolt of heat shot through Orlando. He grabbed Dominic's waist, to stop himself from falling over, as much as anything else. Dominic's thumbs were along Orlando's temples, his fingers spread around his skull. He could feel them cool and wet against his bare skin, and on his right temple there was the cold touch of Dominic's thumb ring.
"Your hair's starting to grow back at the sides," whispered Dominic.
"Your fingers are cold, you must be freezing," whispered Orlando.
"I'm not, I'm burning up," whispered Dominic.
"Oh," said Orlando.
He dipped his chin and searched for Dominic's lips, at the same time as Dominic was leaning into him. Their noses bumped awkwardly, then their chins, and their lips met at an odd angle. Orlando's mouth had landed on Dominic's top lip which was covered in droplets and tasted of rain and musk. He shifted slightly and took Dominic's lip between his own two lips, and then Dominic sucked in Orlando's bottom lip, and Orlando's head began to swim. He clutched at Dominic's waist like a drowning man, as the kiss continued, open-mouthed now, but without touching tongues, just their lips moving against each other.
Orlando felt Dominic's thumbs smooth his eyebrows from nose to temple, and again, and then stroke his eyelids shut and press firmly against his eyeballs. He gasped into Dominic's mouth and fumbled to get his hands underneath Dominic's clothes and against his hot skin. He moved his hands around to the front and rubbed the balls of his palms against Dominic's belly and felt the soft hairs trailing down from Dominic's navel.
Dominic moaned softly into the kiss. The moan was so nakedly sexual that all of Orlando's blood drained into his cock and he gasped in response. Their tongues met. Dominic stopped moaning. Orlando stopped gasping. He was now on fire in two places, his loins and his mouth, and he took the kiss with dizzying slowness at first, then with more and more frenzied passion. He was drinking in and drinking up Dominic, savouring his saliva and the feel of his teeth and the shape of his cheeks from the inside. He was lost now, lost in Dominic's body. He slid his arms round to Dominic's back and beneath his waistband and cupped Dominic's nude cheeks in his hands. Dominic was grabbing the tufts of hair on top of his head with one hand, and moving his other hand beneath Orlando's sweatshirt, pushing up the top and pulling Orlando against him by the waist. Their bellies touched, skin on skin, and their groins ground together. Orlando gasped again, and Dominic moaned again.
A dog went, 'Woof', and they sprang apart.
"Good day to you!" said a man with a baseball cap and a huge setter on a leash. "Don't mind me."
They stood, speechless and pink-cheeked, waiting for the man to pass. The rain appeared to have stopped while they'd been lost in their kiss. A shaft of sunlight streamed out from behind a tattered cloud. The city and the hill lit up with a strange, acid-yellow light.
The man and his dog disappeared down the path. Orlando looked at Dominic and laughed.
"Well," said Dominic, shakily but laughing, too. "I've never kissed anyone in the rain before. Believe it or not."
"I have," said Orlando, and immediately cursed his own stupidity for saying that. "But not like this," he quickly added.
"Like what?" said Dominic.
"Like this," murmured Orlando, and leant in for a second helping. Dominic's tongue was soft and wet, and his mouth even sweeter, now that he was getting to know it better. He tried something else, feeling bolder and biting Dominic's lower lip and getting more aggressive with his tongue. He suddenly remembered how Dominic had bitten him on the beach. He brought his arms up and dug his hands into Dominic's hair and twisted strands of it around his fingers. Dominic flinched but didn't break the kiss. Orlando pushed against him, and Dominic pushed back. They almost stumbled, and Dominic grabbed Orlando's waist. Then Orlando put his hands over Dominic's ears and opened his mouth wide and licked the insides and outsides of Dominic's lips, and the corners of his mouth, and bit his cheek, softly sucking the skin in between his teeth.
Dominic was moaning again. These moans were driving Orlando wild, he wanted to hear them again and again, and he wanted to invent one hundred ways to draw them out.
"Why didn't we do this the other night?" he gasped into Dominic's ear.
"I don't know," murmured Dominic.
"I haven't stopped thinking about that night," said Orlando. There. He'd said it. "Stupid, isn't it."
"I haven't stopped thinking about you," said Dominic.
"Really?" said Orlando.
Dominic just smiled at him.
"What are you doing to me, Monaghan?" said Orlando, softly.
"Let's kiss again," said Dominic.
"No," said Orlando thoughtfully and looked up into the clouds.
"Why not?" said Dominic.
"Let's do something else," said Orlando slowly. "Let's go back to the hotel."
Dominic pulled away. "I don't think that's such a good idea," he said.
"Why not?" said Orlando. "Have you got someone waiting there for you?"
"No!" snapped Dominic. "I haven't got anyone waiting there for me! Have you?"
"No," said Orlando, taken aback. "I haven't got anyone waiting for me, either. So let's go."
Dominic said, "I don't want to."
"What are you talking about?" said Orlando.
"The other night," said Dominic. "That was just a quick shag, wasn't it? That was just some fun on a beach, right?"
"Right," said Orlando. "I mean, no. I mean..." He stopped.
"You don't know what you mean, in other words," said Dominic.
"What are you talking about?" said Orlando again. "I hate this kind of talk."
"Then don't talk it!" shouted Dominic. "It's you who's talking all the bullshit!"
"What bullshit?" said Orlando.
"All the 'I can't stop thinking about that night' bullshit," shouted Dominic. "I don't want to hear such bullshit. I was there, remember!"
Orlando did hate this kind of talk. Usually. But after these past few weeks, obsessively going over and over that one night, in his head, alone, it was a curious relief to be able to shout about it. And a shouting Dominic was still better than no Dominic at all.
"It's not bullshit," faltered Orlando.
"It was a quick shag," Dominic repeated stubbornly.
"Well, how the fuck was I supposed to know that I was going to fall in love with you on that beach?" cried Orlando.
"What?" said Dominic. "Did you say 'fall in love'? Did you say you've fallen in love?"
"No," said Orlando cautiously. "No, I didn't say that."
"OK, you didn't say that," said Dominic. "But did you mean it?"
"Maybe," said Orlando, staring at the clouds again. "Maybe not."
"Forget it," said Dominic, sounding tired. "It was just the moon, all right. It did things to our brains. And all that ganja."
"There's no moon now," said Orlando.
"What?" said Dominic.
Orlando heaved a sigh and looked at a tree away on their left. "There's no moon now," he repeated, "but I still feel..."
"In love?" said Dominic.
"I didn't say that," said Orlando.
Dominic started to walk. He was walking up the path, further into the hills, away from the city. Orlando caught up with him.
"Where are you going?" he said. "Let's go to the hotel. Come on."
"It's not a good idea," said Dominic, flatly.
"It is a good idea!" cried Orlando. "It's a fucking brilliant idea!"
Dominic just went on walking at a merry clip. Orlando jogged along beside him. He was suddenly terrified that Dominic was simply going to keep on walking, walk right out of his life, take his coat with him and never look back.
"It's not a good idea," Dominic repeated, like a robot. "We have to work together, we see each other every day..."
"So what?" groaned Orlando. "What makes you so fucking sensible all of a sudden?"
"I'm not fucking sensible!" cried Dominic. "I'm not sensible at all. I'm in a bad way, all right, so just leave it."
"What do you mean?" said Orlando.
"The other night," Dominic said, striding up the hill. "The other night nearly did me in. It's just too much. Sorry, Orlando. It's nothing to do with you but... I just can't cope with more of that stuff."
"What stuff? We haven't done anything!" said Orlando.
Dominic looked at him and burst out laughing. "You mean, I've only buggered you silly on a beach," he said. "OK, I suppose that wasn't 'anything'."
"It wasn't," said Orlando. "It means nothing." What was he saying?
Dominic nodded. "Just what I've been saying. It means nothing." He looked grim.
"No, I didn't mean that," Orlando said. "Are you jealous?"
That stopped Dominic in his tracks. "No," he said. "I mean, yes. That, too. But forget it. It has nothing to do with you. That's my problem, isn't it."
"I haven't slept with anyone since that night," blurted out Orlando.
Dominic laughed again. "You mean except for that bimbette the very next night at the restaurant. For example. Orlando, do stop the bullshit!"
"Oh, I'd forgotten about that," said Orlando, sheepishly. "But that meant nothing."
"Good," said Dominic. "What we did on the beach meant nothing, and what you did with bambina means nothing. So everything is fine, everything is cool. What is the problem? Answer: there isn't any problem."
"This is stupid," said Orlando and stopped. They'd come upon a small knoll with a single tree on it. The tree was nearly bent double and looked blasted by decades of wind.
"We're standing on top of a mountain," said Orlando, "and having a lovers' tiff, and we're not even lovers." "Yet," he added under his breath.
Dominic mumbled something.
"What?" said Orlando.
"I just told you. I'm in a bad way about you," said Dominic. "I've been in a bad way about you ever since... oh, forever. Possibly ever since that day we came up here last, in fact, when we'd only just got here."
"I remember," said Orlando.
"Whatever happened to that watch you were wearing that day?" Dominic asked, out of the blue.
"Watch?" said Orlando, blankly. "Oh, that. That wasn't mine. That belonged to..." He bit his lip. 'Someone I'd just met the night before and had a fling with for about two days', was how that sentence should have ended.
"I see," said Dominic.
"Why are you jealous?" Orlando said.
Dominic shrugged.
"You never said," Orlando said.
"No, of course I bloody well never said," said Dominic but he was smiling. "You were in and out of everyone's bed at a rate of knots. What was I supposed..."
"So were you!" Orlando pointed out.
"Well, yes..." admitted Dominic. He grimaced. "But only a bit."
Orlando laughed. "OK, Mister 'Only a Bit'," he said. "I want to whisper something in your ear."
"All right," said Dominic.
Orlando moved forwards. Just then a jogger came around the corner, with a discman around her waist. She waved breezily. They waited until she'd disappeared up the path. Then Orlando held onto both of Dominic's shoulders. He pressed his lips against Dominic's left ear and let it all tumble out.
"At the beach that night," he whispered, "I did just want to have some fun, and so did you, I thought. But then, half-way through, something happened, I don't know what, you say it's the moon, I don't think it was the moon, I think it was you, I can't think about anything but that night. That girl from costume, that was just to forget you, I'm sorry about that, I know it's not polite to say so but it didn't work, I didn't forget you, I think about you all the time and I love to look at you and to feel you." He was losing the thread of what he was saying. "And I..." He closed his eyes and clutched Dominic's shoulders as Dominic's arms slowly wrapped themselves around his back. "Please don't walk away, and please don't tell me I'm full of bullshit, and fuck it, Dominic, please come down to the hotel with me."
Dominic had buried his head in Orlando's neck. Orlando could feel his mouth against his skin and he thought, "If he doesn't come with me I don't know what I shall do."
He felt Dominic sigh against his neck. "OK," Dominic said. "I'm the world's biggest idiot. But OK. I won't walk away, and I will come down with you. Let's try this thing and see where it gets us to."
Orlando sprang away and stretched his arms. "Gads!" he cried. "And that's enough deep miserable conversation for one day!" But he was blinking furiously and scratching the corner of his eye.
"Look," said Dominic. "There's a rainbow."
So there was. It arched right over the harbour and lost itself in what remained of the clouds.
End.
Notes to 'chapter' 3:
When Orlando had lain on the sand, next to that tree trunk, he had looked up and seen his good mate Dominic, raunchy as hell, up for a bout of sex and a good laugh afterwards..
The problem is I don't think I have characterised Dominic as good mate ready for sex adequately enough so this is a claim towards the end of the fic. The reader hasn't been allowed to *experience* the truth (or non-truth) of this.
Dominic's big ears and Dominic's knobbly nose and Dominic's lopsided smile.
Heh. How I found this pairing: I had discovered slash about 3 weeks before finishing this fic. I loved the man-man rps ics but was bamboozled by the fandom aspect. I scrolled through many pics and tried to decide whom I wanted to pair, and Orlando was the only one who seemed vaguely feasible and Dominic the only one whom I could see as his partner. But I thought Dominic looked weird, and this line is an echo of that. Heh, these were the days before Domdrool all right...
And Dominic's cock, slowly coming into him, had been like some sort of Cupid's arrow piercing him through and through..
Well, this is *such* a godawful simile that it makes my ears burn with cringeworthiness even now...
I also don't think the transformation of Dominic into angel makes sense. I would not write this in that way now.
The woman looked at him, with those suspicious eyes that women can have, and she said,
"Anything wrong?".
I'm quite struck with the way I was still able to write women back then, even het women! I seem to have lost this ability somewhere along the slashy way but maybe it will return one of these days.
Orlando continued standing there and staring out at the rain coming down in long, sad strings over the city. It was gloomy in his room but he didn't want to turn the lights on. He looked out, placed his palms against the window pane and his forehead against the cool glass. .
This I don't mind. It's quite atmospheric, and even though the rain is a *bit* obvious, I still like the atmosphere of that rainy hillside. All the settings I would keep if I were to write this now, and the weather conditions to go with the settings.
I also like the idea of Orlando wanting to pick up a stranger: moving beyond the Lotrips circle.
I would delete the cheesy song. It adds nothing to either characterisation or plot.
Now the dialogue on the hillside I still like a lot. And it's that dialogue, really, that made me want to post this and think it was a pity that nobody else ever got to read this fic. I would eliminate Dominic's sniffing if I were to rewrite but I like the way the dialogue lurches along, a bit brokenly, a bit talking past each other, and the way the words intertwine with the actions of the embrace. I also still like that embrace a lot; it's quite sweet and tentative. And I like Dominic's body in Orlando's coat.
I like the dialogue but I don't think the characterisation of those two in that dialogue arises logically and inevitably from their earlier characterisation.
I also notice that even then I wrote 'he said', 'he said'. Later betas criticised this and I tried to delete many of the 'saids' but then soon returned to it. I still like 'said' as a default verb of utterance and resist the overuse of 'stated', 'opined', 'vociferated' and whatever. I also didn't worry about re-using proper names and that's also something I still cleave to. I was never tempted to go down the 'the young man', 'the blue-eyed man' route. :-) I think I was reading advice on that in some sort of 'How to write short stories' book that I'd got out of the library...
"Your hair's starting to grow back at the sides," whispered Dominic..
An idea copied straight from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cimorene111.
"No," said Orlando thoughtfully and looked up into the clouds..
This is straight out of that picture of Dominic and Orlando at the FotR NZ premiere, where Orlando looks up into the clouds. I loved that picture!
And a shouting Dominic was still better than no Dominic at all..
Heh. Now this is the sort of thing I can still see myself writing today.
"Yet," he added under his breath..
This, however, is dumb. Delete!
"Watch?" said Orlando, blankly.
Well, here's a sort of an attempt to put the watch back into the picture. But I think it's not terribly successful because it dredges up another sub-plot, and the ending is not the place to present readers with new sub-plots.
The rainbow ending: This is very corny and I would not end this way. But I did not know how to end. I remember casting about for a suitable ending, and then I hit on the rainbow as an easy way out. It was the end of "We Can Do More" that came to me in a flash of inspiration which taught me how endings can 'feel right'. I now like to wait for the ending to come to me. For me, I've learned, there's a moment when it just feels 'right' that the fic should end, and if I hover around that moment for a while, often an ending will present itself, almost without my intervention. It doesn't *always* work, sometimes I have to force things a bit, but those intuitive ones are the endings I love best: some sort of resonant, pithy last line. (My favourite ones: "We Can Do More", "Up Shit Creek", "Olives in Brine and Artichoke Hearts").
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Notes: This is a work of pure fiction. I don't know any of these people and I know nothing of their sex lives or, for that matter, of their lives in general. I am just borrowing their names and appearances as seen on public-domain photos as an excuse for my own fantasies. The story also features some not-yet-seen actors from TTT and RotK, found on The One Ring website, specifically David (Faramir), Miranda (Eowyn) and Stephen (Gorbag). Apologies to any readers from NZ: I have been in Wellington only once and don't know if there any hill paths there or any beaches within taxi distance from Wellington. M & S is Marks & Spencer's, the English department store.
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If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Lobelia: lobelia40@yahoo.com
What happened after this:
I never posted this because I allowed myself to be dispirited by the beta's negative response to the characterisation. I'm very, very glad I didn't because her reply made me *think*. I wiped the slate clean and wrote a new story with a new setting, a new plot and a squeaky new pairing: Dominic and Billy in "A Helping Hand". And then it took me 4 sequels and several months to work my way back to my original pairing... Because Billy, too, I thought looked odd; there was only one profile pic of him that I liked, so I stared at that for hours on my desktop. This is also when I worked out how to do characterisations for myself: collect suitable pics (especially profiles) and stare and stare and stare at them. I don't use this method anymore, heh, only very rarely -- but it worked for a long time, *g*. "A Helping Hand" still has the guarded and careful style of this first fic but I made the story more focused and discovered the rhythm of back-and-forth POVs and of acts, not inner musings. (Show not tell, I guesszarah5 would say! *winks*) Then I got adventurous with "A Perfect Day" and got into a whole new world of style experimentation. But, I think, faint echoes of this very first fic can be discerned in "A Perfect Day", my second go at Dominic/Orlando... :-)
***
Well, it's been strange to write this constructive crit of my own fic! I feel rather self-indulgent and navel-gazing but if it's been of any interest to anybody else, well, that's nice, too. Actually, looking at those early pics and reading this fic brings back my very first Lotrips feelings -- a sort of freshness and excitement, and also just the whole heady enterprise of *writing* fiction again after a twelve-year hiatus. I remember walking back to my car, voicing the hillside dialogue out loud to myself and pulling my face into Dominic- and Orlando-expressions.
So, thanks everybody for encouraging me to post this and for reading it. Any and all comments are most welcome!! Be as critical as you like -- you can see I have been! :-)
3. Orlando
The sex had been wild. The sex had been hot. It wasn't the sex that was bothering Orlando.
It was something else, and he couldn't quite figure it out. All he knew was that his adventure on the beach with Dominic had shaken him up more than was entirely logical. Had it been some sort of moon madness that had messed up his mind? Had that unearthly light twisted his sanity?
What had happened was this. When Orlando had lain on the sand, next to that tree trunk, he had looked up and seen his good mate Dominic, raunchy as hell, up for a bout of sex and a good laugh afterwards. Orlando had closed his eyes, and when he had opened them again, Dominic had gone. In his place, there was an outlandishly beautiful stranger, dressed in Dominic's skin, with Dominic's big ears and Dominic's knobbly nose and Dominic's lopsided smile, but all impossibly radiant.
This impossible new creature had looked at Orlando with eyes full of passion. Orlando had almost not been able to cope with that gaze but he also hadn't been able to tear himself away from it. And Dominic's cock, slowly coming into him, had been like some sort of Cupid's arrow piercing him through and through. He hadn't been able to look at him for long after that, and so he hadn't seen the expression on Dominic's face during orgasm. But he had heard the long, drawn-out moan, a sound that had haunted him to the very base of his spine. And then those laughs. Orlando had never before heard anyone laugh while coming. He had had to touch Dominic's face, as if to assure himself that this was still a man of flesh and blood, and not some creature from another universe.
When Dominic had fallen asleep, he'd looked at him, feeling overwhelmed by something, he didn't know by what. He had bent over and very, very softly touched his lips to Dominic's, and Dominic had smiled in his sleep.
After that, he'd had to escape into the sea. He'd hoped that the old prosaic Dominic would re-emerge after their dip. But he hadn't. He was still ridiculously, deliriously beautiful, and had remained so all the way home.
The next day started well enough, considering. In the morning, Dominic looked almost normal. Orlando went up to him, rumpled his hair and even managed a wink. He didn't want to be rude, after all. Jolly good fun and all the rest of it. Dominic, completely mundanely, yawned and had rings under his eyes.
Still, Orlando had decided that he needed to do something about this, and fast. He needed to go out and get laid by some breathtaking babe. Yes, it had to be a woman, someone as different as possible from Dominic and someone who'd make him forget this odd new creature and get him the old no-nonsense Dominic back. And, more importantly, the old no-nonsense Orlando.
That night, Orlando went along with everyone to some Thai restaurant, long table, people chattering left and right. Luckily, there was that cute girl from costume, sitting right next to him and making moon eyes. Another good sign was that Dominic was there, at the other end of the table, looking quite everyday. Phew, sigh of relief, file that one under 'weird and wonderful'.
But, then, Liv had nothing better to do than to call out from across the table, "So, did you two boys have fun last night, then?"
Others, who'd been at the barbecue, went, "Oooh!," and, "Do tell!" Orlando blushed a bit but that didn't even matter because a bit of a blush is very sexy, and he shot a quick glance at the costume babe, and then another quick glance at Dominic, just to show him his casual attitude to the whole thing.
But where was Dominic? That bloody stranger was there instead, with the lopsided smile and the sparkly eyes, looking straight at him. This time, Orlando blushed furiously and felt hot shivers crawl up his spine and back down again, and then up and down all over again.
He looked away and proceeded to flirt madly with the woman from costume, and sure enough, ended up in her bed later on that evening.
The sex was hot. It was completely different from the night before, and that was good, that was what he needed. But afterwards, he felt drained, like an empty bottle of oil. The woman looked at him, with those suspicious eyes that women can have, and she said,
"Anything wrong?"
He tried to say something gallant but his usual bedside manners had deserted him, and he could tell she didn't believe a word he was uttering.
"But you're sweet, anyway," she said. "You should go now and get some sleep. I had a lovely time."
Of course, that was just what he always said to compliment emotional partners out of his bed and out of his life.
So he slunk off quickly. As soon as he was in his own bed again, he started to replay the moonlight sex with Dominic, that weirdly metamorphosed Dominic, and that was bad, that was very bad, and it stayed bad after that.
It was just as well that Dominic had left Wellington the very next morning.
And today he was due to come back. Orlando, standing at the window in his hotel room, knew this. He knew that Dominic would any minute now walk through the lobby, three floors below, and walk up the stairs or catch the lift to his own room, one floor above. What Orlando didn't know was what he, Orlando, ought to be doing about his return. Or thinking about it. Or anything about it.
Orlando continued standing there and staring out at the rain coming down in long, sad strings over the city. It was gloomy in his room but he didn't want to turn the lights on. He looked out, placed his palms against the window pane and his forehead against the cool glass. He tried to imagine, for the seven-hundredth time, what Dominic's face might have looked like during orgasm. He opened his lips and stuck out his tongue. Then he jumped back.
"This is ridiculous!" he said out loud. "I'm licking and pawing a piece of glass!" He turned around, grabbed his coat and went out, slamming the door behind him.
Here was his plan: he'd go out for a long brisk walk, then he'd go to a pub and pick up someone. No one from the film, just some New Zealander, and he'd pick a pub miles away from where everyone else usually hung out, and he'd never let on that he had anything to do with the movie business.
Outside was windy and drizzly. No-one was about. Neon ads blinked on and off on the wet asphalt. Orlando pulled the hood of his rain coat over his head and buried his fists in the coat's deep pockets. He strode on, aimlessly at first, and then, recognising certain street corners, with a purpose towards the hill path.
He saw no other person, besides one lone man, out walking his dog. The man gave a cheery salute and passed by. After that, Orlando was alone, tramping up the path. It was not unpleasant out here. The rain swished down softly, and the earth smelled sharp and rich. Orlando started to sing an old pop tune to himself, a little walking song, with mostly forgotten lyrics. So he supplied his own words, along the lines of:
"There you were, looking at me sweetly,
On the beach, in the middle of the night,
And the moon was shining on your body,
All I know is that it felt so right,
Anyway, I do wish that I had kissed you,
You don't realise how much I have missed you..."
And so forth. It was sentimental drivel but he was pleased when he managed to make it rhyme and it suited the mood, somehow.
It was because he was absorbed in his singing and looking only at his feet trudging along through the mud that he didn't notice the man until he had almost walked into him.
It was Dominic. His hair was wet and his ears were red and he looked completely startled.
Orlando stopped singing.
Neither one said anything. Rain was going 'drip, drip' from some leaves on a tree.
"Hello," said Dominic finally. His voice sounded strangely high.
He did not look at all like the normal, old Dominic. But he didn't look quite as angelic as the one on the beach, either. So that was a relief.
"Hi," said Orlando. His legs were actually shaking.
They both turned away from each other's eyes and stood, looking out at the city.
"So," Orlando said. "You've got back already."
"Yeah," said Dominic. "Just a couple of hours ago."
Orlando nodded. A car honked, miles away.
"And?" said Dominic. "How've things been here?"
"Wet," said Orlando and risked a smile.
"Yeah...," said Dominic. "Though you're all right. Good coat."
"M & S," said Orlando. "Would you believe."
"What were you singing?" said Dominic.
"Oh," said Orlando, one of those small shivers creeping up his spine. "You heard that, did you?"
"I know the tune from somewhere," said Dominic. "But I can't remember the words."
"Oh," said Orlando again. "They're just... some old words." He stopped in confusion.
They lapsed into silence. Orlando suddenly smiled, he couldn't help himself. He blinked twice, then launched into his big statement.
"We had fun the other night, didn't we?" he said, and it came out all in a rush.
Dominic said nothing. Orlando waited, with bated breath. This was terrible. Then Dominic gave a little sniff.
"You all right, mate?" said Orlando.
"Yeah," said Dominic, in an oddly tight voice. "I'm just getting a fucking cold, that's all." He was staring straight ahead, at the horizon.
"Here, have my coat," said Orlando.
"What?" said Dominic.
"Have my coat," said Orlando, tugging the zip down.
"No, no, I'm all right," said Dominic.
"Go on, have it," said Orlando, pulling off the sleeves. "You're sodden."
"Don't be daft," said Dominic.
"I'll be fine, I've got a sweatshirt underneath, with a hood, look," said Orlando. He draped the coat over Dominic's shoulders, then he pulled his own hood up and also Dominic's hood. Dominic looked at him strangely and slowly pushed his arms into the sleeves.
"Thanks, mate," he said. "It's still warm." There was that lopsided smile again. "It's still warm from your body."
Whether it was the words or the smile or the sight of his own warm sleeves enveloping Dominic's arms, but Orlando suddenly had that familiar dry taste at the back of his throat again. He swallowed.
"Here," he said. "Let me zip it up for you."
Dominic stood quite still as Orlando took the corners of the jacket and fumbled with the zipper tag and the little slot. It was then that Orlando noticed how much his hands were trembling and that he couldn't get the fucking zip to go in.
"You better do it," he said and laughed a wobbly laugh. But he was still holding onto the coat tails.
Dominic took the ends of the zip. His hands closed over Orlando's fingers. The touch was like an electric shock. Orlando shivered. He kept his head down, not knowing where to look, yearning to look into Dominic's eyes but not daring.
The moment continued, as if stretched through time. Neither of them moved. Dominic's hands were on Orlando's, Orlando's hands were on the coat. A bird called somewhere, and there was a breeze but the world seemed to have shrunk to this small enclosed circle of hands on hands, hands on coat.
Slowly, slowly, and without daring to breathe, Orlando moved his hands into the coat and brushed his fingertips against Dominic's sweatshirt. He moved his fingers round, inch by inch, until they reached Dominic's waist. He was still only touching Dominic with his fingertips, and could barely feel him through the damp fabric, and yet this was making him shake like a leaf.
"Your top is sodden," he whispered.
"Yeah," said Dominic, and he was whispering, too.
Now Dominic's hands were moving, sliding along Orlando's arms up to the elbows, sliding along inside the sleeves and pushing up the sleeves as they went. Every hair on Orlando's arms stood up.
'I should be doing something,' Orlando thought weakly. 'I should be telling a joke or saying something outrageous because this is just for fun, isn't it, this is just a laugh between mates.'
But he couldn't say anything. He felt paralysed. He wasn't even thinking about the beach any longer. In fact, this was the first time in ages that he hadn't been thinking obsessively about the beach. His senses were filled with the presence of Dominic now and here, with the wet smell of his own sweat rising from the inside of the coat on Dominic's back, and with the cool, moist touch of Dominic's hands chilling his skin.
Dominic's hands were on the move again, crawling up his arms, outside the sleeves now. Already, Orlando was missing the touch of skin on skin. But then Dominic's hands were on his shoulders, and that was good, too, and then Dominic hooked his thumbs around the edges of Orlando's hood and pulled the hood off, sliding his thumbs along the sides of Orlando's head.
Orlando looked up. Their eyes locked, and a bolt of heat shot through Orlando. He grabbed Dominic's waist, to stop himself from falling over, as much as anything else. Dominic's thumbs were along Orlando's temples, his fingers spread around his skull. He could feel them cool and wet against his bare skin, and on his right temple there was the cold touch of Dominic's thumb ring.
"Your hair's starting to grow back at the sides," whispered Dominic.
"Your fingers are cold, you must be freezing," whispered Orlando.
"I'm not, I'm burning up," whispered Dominic.
"Oh," said Orlando.
He dipped his chin and searched for Dominic's lips, at the same time as Dominic was leaning into him. Their noses bumped awkwardly, then their chins, and their lips met at an odd angle. Orlando's mouth had landed on Dominic's top lip which was covered in droplets and tasted of rain and musk. He shifted slightly and took Dominic's lip between his own two lips, and then Dominic sucked in Orlando's bottom lip, and Orlando's head began to swim. He clutched at Dominic's waist like a drowning man, as the kiss continued, open-mouthed now, but without touching tongues, just their lips moving against each other.
Orlando felt Dominic's thumbs smooth his eyebrows from nose to temple, and again, and then stroke his eyelids shut and press firmly against his eyeballs. He gasped into Dominic's mouth and fumbled to get his hands underneath Dominic's clothes and against his hot skin. He moved his hands around to the front and rubbed the balls of his palms against Dominic's belly and felt the soft hairs trailing down from Dominic's navel.
Dominic moaned softly into the kiss. The moan was so nakedly sexual that all of Orlando's blood drained into his cock and he gasped in response. Their tongues met. Dominic stopped moaning. Orlando stopped gasping. He was now on fire in two places, his loins and his mouth, and he took the kiss with dizzying slowness at first, then with more and more frenzied passion. He was drinking in and drinking up Dominic, savouring his saliva and the feel of his teeth and the shape of his cheeks from the inside. He was lost now, lost in Dominic's body. He slid his arms round to Dominic's back and beneath his waistband and cupped Dominic's nude cheeks in his hands. Dominic was grabbing the tufts of hair on top of his head with one hand, and moving his other hand beneath Orlando's sweatshirt, pushing up the top and pulling Orlando against him by the waist. Their bellies touched, skin on skin, and their groins ground together. Orlando gasped again, and Dominic moaned again.
A dog went, 'Woof', and they sprang apart.
"Good day to you!" said a man with a baseball cap and a huge setter on a leash. "Don't mind me."
They stood, speechless and pink-cheeked, waiting for the man to pass. The rain appeared to have stopped while they'd been lost in their kiss. A shaft of sunlight streamed out from behind a tattered cloud. The city and the hill lit up with a strange, acid-yellow light.
The man and his dog disappeared down the path. Orlando looked at Dominic and laughed.
"Well," said Dominic, shakily but laughing, too. "I've never kissed anyone in the rain before. Believe it or not."
"I have," said Orlando, and immediately cursed his own stupidity for saying that. "But not like this," he quickly added.
"Like what?" said Dominic.
"Like this," murmured Orlando, and leant in for a second helping. Dominic's tongue was soft and wet, and his mouth even sweeter, now that he was getting to know it better. He tried something else, feeling bolder and biting Dominic's lower lip and getting more aggressive with his tongue. He suddenly remembered how Dominic had bitten him on the beach. He brought his arms up and dug his hands into Dominic's hair and twisted strands of it around his fingers. Dominic flinched but didn't break the kiss. Orlando pushed against him, and Dominic pushed back. They almost stumbled, and Dominic grabbed Orlando's waist. Then Orlando put his hands over Dominic's ears and opened his mouth wide and licked the insides and outsides of Dominic's lips, and the corners of his mouth, and bit his cheek, softly sucking the skin in between his teeth.
Dominic was moaning again. These moans were driving Orlando wild, he wanted to hear them again and again, and he wanted to invent one hundred ways to draw them out.
"Why didn't we do this the other night?" he gasped into Dominic's ear.
"I don't know," murmured Dominic.
"I haven't stopped thinking about that night," said Orlando. There. He'd said it. "Stupid, isn't it."
"I haven't stopped thinking about you," said Dominic.
"Really?" said Orlando.
Dominic just smiled at him.
"What are you doing to me, Monaghan?" said Orlando, softly.
"Let's kiss again," said Dominic.
"No," said Orlando thoughtfully and looked up into the clouds.
"Why not?" said Dominic.
"Let's do something else," said Orlando slowly. "Let's go back to the hotel."
Dominic pulled away. "I don't think that's such a good idea," he said.
"Why not?" said Orlando. "Have you got someone waiting there for you?"
"No!" snapped Dominic. "I haven't got anyone waiting there for me! Have you?"
"No," said Orlando, taken aback. "I haven't got anyone waiting for me, either. So let's go."
Dominic said, "I don't want to."
"What are you talking about?" said Orlando.
"The other night," said Dominic. "That was just a quick shag, wasn't it? That was just some fun on a beach, right?"
"Right," said Orlando. "I mean, no. I mean..." He stopped.
"You don't know what you mean, in other words," said Dominic.
"What are you talking about?" said Orlando again. "I hate this kind of talk."
"Then don't talk it!" shouted Dominic. "It's you who's talking all the bullshit!"
"What bullshit?" said Orlando.
"All the 'I can't stop thinking about that night' bullshit," shouted Dominic. "I don't want to hear such bullshit. I was there, remember!"
Orlando did hate this kind of talk. Usually. But after these past few weeks, obsessively going over and over that one night, in his head, alone, it was a curious relief to be able to shout about it. And a shouting Dominic was still better than no Dominic at all.
"It's not bullshit," faltered Orlando.
"It was a quick shag," Dominic repeated stubbornly.
"Well, how the fuck was I supposed to know that I was going to fall in love with you on that beach?" cried Orlando.
"What?" said Dominic. "Did you say 'fall in love'? Did you say you've fallen in love?"
"No," said Orlando cautiously. "No, I didn't say that."
"OK, you didn't say that," said Dominic. "But did you mean it?"
"Maybe," said Orlando, staring at the clouds again. "Maybe not."
"Forget it," said Dominic, sounding tired. "It was just the moon, all right. It did things to our brains. And all that ganja."
"There's no moon now," said Orlando.
"What?" said Dominic.
Orlando heaved a sigh and looked at a tree away on their left. "There's no moon now," he repeated, "but I still feel..."
"In love?" said Dominic.
"I didn't say that," said Orlando.
Dominic started to walk. He was walking up the path, further into the hills, away from the city. Orlando caught up with him.
"Where are you going?" he said. "Let's go to the hotel. Come on."
"It's not a good idea," said Dominic, flatly.
"It is a good idea!" cried Orlando. "It's a fucking brilliant idea!"
Dominic just went on walking at a merry clip. Orlando jogged along beside him. He was suddenly terrified that Dominic was simply going to keep on walking, walk right out of his life, take his coat with him and never look back.
"It's not a good idea," Dominic repeated, like a robot. "We have to work together, we see each other every day..."
"So what?" groaned Orlando. "What makes you so fucking sensible all of a sudden?"
"I'm not fucking sensible!" cried Dominic. "I'm not sensible at all. I'm in a bad way, all right, so just leave it."
"What do you mean?" said Orlando.
"The other night," Dominic said, striding up the hill. "The other night nearly did me in. It's just too much. Sorry, Orlando. It's nothing to do with you but... I just can't cope with more of that stuff."
"What stuff? We haven't done anything!" said Orlando.
Dominic looked at him and burst out laughing. "You mean, I've only buggered you silly on a beach," he said. "OK, I suppose that wasn't 'anything'."
"It wasn't," said Orlando. "It means nothing." What was he saying?
Dominic nodded. "Just what I've been saying. It means nothing." He looked grim.
"No, I didn't mean that," Orlando said. "Are you jealous?"
That stopped Dominic in his tracks. "No," he said. "I mean, yes. That, too. But forget it. It has nothing to do with you. That's my problem, isn't it."
"I haven't slept with anyone since that night," blurted out Orlando.
Dominic laughed again. "You mean except for that bimbette the very next night at the restaurant. For example. Orlando, do stop the bullshit!"
"Oh, I'd forgotten about that," said Orlando, sheepishly. "But that meant nothing."
"Good," said Dominic. "What we did on the beach meant nothing, and what you did with bambina means nothing. So everything is fine, everything is cool. What is the problem? Answer: there isn't any problem."
"This is stupid," said Orlando and stopped. They'd come upon a small knoll with a single tree on it. The tree was nearly bent double and looked blasted by decades of wind.
"We're standing on top of a mountain," said Orlando, "and having a lovers' tiff, and we're not even lovers." "Yet," he added under his breath.
Dominic mumbled something.
"What?" said Orlando.
"I just told you. I'm in a bad way about you," said Dominic. "I've been in a bad way about you ever since... oh, forever. Possibly ever since that day we came up here last, in fact, when we'd only just got here."
"I remember," said Orlando.
"Whatever happened to that watch you were wearing that day?" Dominic asked, out of the blue.
"Watch?" said Orlando, blankly. "Oh, that. That wasn't mine. That belonged to..." He bit his lip. 'Someone I'd just met the night before and had a fling with for about two days', was how that sentence should have ended.
"I see," said Dominic.
"Why are you jealous?" Orlando said.
Dominic shrugged.
"You never said," Orlando said.
"No, of course I bloody well never said," said Dominic but he was smiling. "You were in and out of everyone's bed at a rate of knots. What was I supposed..."
"So were you!" Orlando pointed out.
"Well, yes..." admitted Dominic. He grimaced. "But only a bit."
Orlando laughed. "OK, Mister 'Only a Bit'," he said. "I want to whisper something in your ear."
"All right," said Dominic.
Orlando moved forwards. Just then a jogger came around the corner, with a discman around her waist. She waved breezily. They waited until she'd disappeared up the path. Then Orlando held onto both of Dominic's shoulders. He pressed his lips against Dominic's left ear and let it all tumble out.
"At the beach that night," he whispered, "I did just want to have some fun, and so did you, I thought. But then, half-way through, something happened, I don't know what, you say it's the moon, I don't think it was the moon, I think it was you, I can't think about anything but that night. That girl from costume, that was just to forget you, I'm sorry about that, I know it's not polite to say so but it didn't work, I didn't forget you, I think about you all the time and I love to look at you and to feel you." He was losing the thread of what he was saying. "And I..." He closed his eyes and clutched Dominic's shoulders as Dominic's arms slowly wrapped themselves around his back. "Please don't walk away, and please don't tell me I'm full of bullshit, and fuck it, Dominic, please come down to the hotel with me."
Dominic had buried his head in Orlando's neck. Orlando could feel his mouth against his skin and he thought, "If he doesn't come with me I don't know what I shall do."
He felt Dominic sigh against his neck. "OK," Dominic said. "I'm the world's biggest idiot. But OK. I won't walk away, and I will come down with you. Let's try this thing and see where it gets us to."
Orlando sprang away and stretched his arms. "Gads!" he cried. "And that's enough deep miserable conversation for one day!" But he was blinking furiously and scratching the corner of his eye.
"Look," said Dominic. "There's a rainbow."
So there was. It arched right over the harbour and lost itself in what remained of the clouds.
End.
Notes to 'chapter' 3:
When Orlando had lain on the sand, next to that tree trunk, he had looked up and seen his good mate Dominic, raunchy as hell, up for a bout of sex and a good laugh afterwards..
The problem is I don't think I have characterised Dominic as good mate ready for sex adequately enough so this is a claim towards the end of the fic. The reader hasn't been allowed to *experience* the truth (or non-truth) of this.
Dominic's big ears and Dominic's knobbly nose and Dominic's lopsided smile.
Heh. How I found this pairing: I had discovered slash about 3 weeks before finishing this fic. I loved the man-man rps ics but was bamboozled by the fandom aspect. I scrolled through many pics and tried to decide whom I wanted to pair, and Orlando was the only one who seemed vaguely feasible and Dominic the only one whom I could see as his partner. But I thought Dominic looked weird, and this line is an echo of that. Heh, these were the days before Domdrool all right...
And Dominic's cock, slowly coming into him, had been like some sort of Cupid's arrow piercing him through and through..
Well, this is *such* a godawful simile that it makes my ears burn with cringeworthiness even now...
I also don't think the transformation of Dominic into angel makes sense. I would not write this in that way now.
The woman looked at him, with those suspicious eyes that women can have, and she said,
"Anything wrong?".
I'm quite struck with the way I was still able to write women back then, even het women! I seem to have lost this ability somewhere along the slashy way but maybe it will return one of these days.
Orlando continued standing there and staring out at the rain coming down in long, sad strings over the city. It was gloomy in his room but he didn't want to turn the lights on. He looked out, placed his palms against the window pane and his forehead against the cool glass. .
This I don't mind. It's quite atmospheric, and even though the rain is a *bit* obvious, I still like the atmosphere of that rainy hillside. All the settings I would keep if I were to write this now, and the weather conditions to go with the settings.
I also like the idea of Orlando wanting to pick up a stranger: moving beyond the Lotrips circle.
I would delete the cheesy song. It adds nothing to either characterisation or plot.
Now the dialogue on the hillside I still like a lot. And it's that dialogue, really, that made me want to post this and think it was a pity that nobody else ever got to read this fic. I would eliminate Dominic's sniffing if I were to rewrite but I like the way the dialogue lurches along, a bit brokenly, a bit talking past each other, and the way the words intertwine with the actions of the embrace. I also still like that embrace a lot; it's quite sweet and tentative. And I like Dominic's body in Orlando's coat.
I like the dialogue but I don't think the characterisation of those two in that dialogue arises logically and inevitably from their earlier characterisation.
I also notice that even then I wrote 'he said', 'he said'. Later betas criticised this and I tried to delete many of the 'saids' but then soon returned to it. I still like 'said' as a default verb of utterance and resist the overuse of 'stated', 'opined', 'vociferated' and whatever. I also didn't worry about re-using proper names and that's also something I still cleave to. I was never tempted to go down the 'the young man', 'the blue-eyed man' route. :-) I think I was reading advice on that in some sort of 'How to write short stories' book that I'd got out of the library...
"Your hair's starting to grow back at the sides," whispered Dominic..
An idea copied straight from
cimorene111."No," said Orlando thoughtfully and looked up into the clouds..
This is straight out of that picture of Dominic and Orlando at the FotR NZ premiere, where Orlando looks up into the clouds. I loved that picture!
And a shouting Dominic was still better than no Dominic at all..
Heh. Now this is the sort of thing I can still see myself writing today.
"Yet," he added under his breath..
This, however, is dumb. Delete!
"Watch?" said Orlando, blankly.
Well, here's a sort of an attempt to put the watch back into the picture. But I think it's not terribly successful because it dredges up another sub-plot, and the ending is not the place to present readers with new sub-plots.
The rainbow ending: This is very corny and I would not end this way. But I did not know how to end. I remember casting about for a suitable ending, and then I hit on the rainbow as an easy way out. It was the end of "We Can Do More" that came to me in a flash of inspiration which taught me how endings can 'feel right'. I now like to wait for the ending to come to me. For me, I've learned, there's a moment when it just feels 'right' that the fic should end, and if I hover around that moment for a while, often an ending will present itself, almost without my intervention. It doesn't *always* work, sometimes I have to force things a bit, but those intuitive ones are the endings I love best: some sort of resonant, pithy last line. (My favourite ones: "We Can Do More", "Up Shit Creek", "Olives in Brine and Artichoke Hearts").
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Notes: This is a work of pure fiction. I don't know any of these people and I know nothing of their sex lives or, for that matter, of their lives in general. I am just borrowing their names and appearances as seen on public-domain photos as an excuse for my own fantasies. The story also features some not-yet-seen actors from TTT and RotK, found on The One Ring website, specifically David (Faramir), Miranda (Eowyn) and Stephen (Gorbag). Apologies to any readers from NZ: I have been in Wellington only once and don't know if there any hill paths there or any beaches within taxi distance from Wellington. M & S is Marks & Spencer's, the English department store.
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If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Lobelia: lobelia40@yahoo.com
What happened after this:
I never posted this because I allowed myself to be dispirited by the beta's negative response to the characterisation. I'm very, very glad I didn't because her reply made me *think*. I wiped the slate clean and wrote a new story with a new setting, a new plot and a squeaky new pairing: Dominic and Billy in "A Helping Hand". And then it took me 4 sequels and several months to work my way back to my original pairing... Because Billy, too, I thought looked odd; there was only one profile pic of him that I liked, so I stared at that for hours on my desktop. This is also when I worked out how to do characterisations for myself: collect suitable pics (especially profiles) and stare and stare and stare at them. I don't use this method anymore, heh, only very rarely -- but it worked for a long time, *g*. "A Helping Hand" still has the guarded and careful style of this first fic but I made the story more focused and discovered the rhythm of back-and-forth POVs and of acts, not inner musings. (Show not tell, I guess
zarah5 would say! *winks*) Then I got adventurous with "A Perfect Day" and got into a whole new world of style experimentation. But, I think, faint echoes of this very first fic can be discerned in "A Perfect Day", my second go at Dominic/Orlando... :-)***
Well, it's been strange to write this constructive crit of my own fic! I feel rather self-indulgent and navel-gazing but if it's been of any interest to anybody else, well, that's nice, too. Actually, looking at those early pics and reading this fic brings back my very first Lotrips feelings -- a sort of freshness and excitement, and also just the whole heady enterprise of *writing* fiction again after a twelve-year hiatus. I remember walking back to my car, voicing the hillside dialogue out loud to myself and pulling my face into Dominic- and Orlando-expressions.
So, thanks everybody for encouraging me to post this and for reading it. Any and all comments are most welcome!! Be as critical as you like -- you can see I have been! :-)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-21 04:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-23 04:12 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-24 01:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-25 09:43 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-25 06:51 pm (UTC)And once I was actually moving, I watched the road. Mostly. *g*
(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-21 07:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-23 04:13 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-23 10:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-24 06:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-21 09:29 pm (UTC)I'm glad I got the chance to read it!
(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-23 04:15 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-22 12:23 am (UTC)*back later*
n.x ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-23 04:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-22 04:17 am (UTC)I've only just started reading, but omg you realise you wrote philtrum-Billy!fic before philtrum-Billy!fic existed???
(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-22 06:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-23 04:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-23 04:17 am (UTC)still reading, but...
Date: 2003-10-22 04:23 am (UTC)Re: still reading, but...
Date: 2003-10-23 04:18 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-22 12:33 pm (UTC)WHY have you kept this from me?
I did like the sex, but I also liked the idea of someone being mildly in love, and being like that from looking at a wrist. Am very moved by this idea of being mildly in love. I am, yes, really.
Oh Lobelia! You are the writer of the one true Dominic.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-23 04:22 am (UTC)But you are such a sweetie for being moved by it. Thank you! And the wrist is such shameless Mary-Sueism that I almost cringe about it now. I hadn't noticed about the 'mildly' in love. I've been mildly in love. I'm sure people can be.
the one true Dominic
*giggles*
(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-22 09:32 pm (UTC)You know the difference between a first effort and a later effort, of course, but I just loved it. So fresh and surprising and your turns of phrase are wonderful.
How well I know that intoxicating feeling when you are ruminating over a new fic....Sigh.
Thank you. Happy slashing.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-23 04:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-24 02:16 pm (UTC)I was trying to think what reading this reminded me of, and I realised was like some very early episodes of The Simpsons I saw recently, where the voices were all a bit off, and the drawing was kind of scratchy, and the action seemed slightly hesitant and slow. But it was compelling because you could see what it was leading to.
I'm absolutely amazed at how much your writing has developed in what, after all, is an incredibly short space of time. I kept catching myself reading this as though you'd written it decades ago, or something.
I enjoyed the fic. I mean, you're right about the Billy bit not really going anywhere, and I think it took a while to get going, but even then you had the ability to really suck the reader in. The Dom/Orli -- well, it works, basically. It hits the spot, so to speak.
Another thing is that it seems recognisable not only as an earlier work of yours, but as a product of an earlier period of the fandom.
Dom/Orli on the hillside is really lovely -- so sensitive and understated. Possibly my favourite bit of dialogue in the entire thing:
"Yeah...," said Dominic. "Though you're all right. Good coat."
"M & S," said Orlando. "Would you believe."
Just the 'Would you believe.' is so right. I could hear him saying it, and it's somehow very touching. The whole sequence on the hillside, with the conversation and the kiss -- very recognisably your voice.
I adored the notes! Not only are they fascinating in their own right, they're also very, very helpful to me personally. I'm utterly in awe of your ability to take a step back from your work and look at it dispassionately. I can't even look at mine at all. It just seems to vomit directly from my brain, and then I go, 'Oh. Well that was interesting.' And there it is, a load of words. If it works, it's a happy accident, and if it doesn't, I don't really know how to fix it.
Whereas you look at your writing and say, 'right, this is what I've done here, and that was kind of interesting, but it doesn't quite work, and this is why, and this is what I'd do now.'
"If you're going to show a shotgun hanging on a wall in your first scene, that shotgun will have had to go off by the end of the movie."
*makes note* I fear I'm probably constantly on the verge of (not) doing this...
Love the early Orc-appearance, love the prophetic philtrum mention (when did you get your direct psychic line to fandom put in, by the way?)
I still like 'said' as a default verb of utterance and resist the overuse of 'stated', 'opined', 'vociferated' and whatever. I also didn't worry about re-using proper names and that's also something I still cleave to.
"I agree with you there," she said, thinking how she sometimes actively enjoys both reading and writing 'he said,', 'she says', etc, which is all rather strange.
***
Anyway, thank you for posting this, I've so enjoyed reading it. I'm going to keep your wonderful notes for future reference purposes.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-25 07:58 am (UTC)some very early episodes of The Simpsons
I, um, am possibly speechless. I know what you mean but my fic and the, um, Simpsons.
I kept catching myself reading this as though you'd written it decades ago,
In a way it felt bizarre making all these worldly wise comments on my early fic as if I were some sort of wizened old fic-guru now. And the other fics I was alluding to were, after all, written within *months* of this one! I think last year every story formed a kind of milestone. This year's been a bit different, for numerous reasons.
as a product of an earlier period of the fandom
Now this I find absolutely fascinating. I think it is absolutely true. I had this feeling vaguely as I was re-reading but it didn't make it to the forefront of my brain, so I am so glad that you pulled it out and formulated this. We've talked about this before, the history of the fandom (and how difficult it is to excavate the early days for internet-intrinsic reasons). I think it's true that not only would I not be writing this now, but *nobody* would. What does this mean??? Has the innocence gone? And is that a good or a bad thing? And *how* have things changed? I think the changes are both a product of fanon moving on and exerting pressures, and of canon (or whatever counts as canon) moving on. E.g. career!Orli looms so much larger now -- in fact, he loomed not at all in Feb. 02! I found it quite interesting reading this in the light of my Malta-fic -- for me, the Malta-Orli is nostalgically musing on his earlier innocent-not-yet-famous incarnation, which is, in a way, the early-fic-Orli. And both of those Orlis are also fan-Sues.
*gets twisted in own brain maze*
"M & S," said Orlando. "Would you believe."
*smooches* You got it! Heh.
I'm utterly in awe of your ability to take a step back from your work and look at it dispassionately. I can't even look at mine at all.
Remember that it took me 18 months to get to the point of being able to look! I am still not quite able to do it with the k/d epic which I finished working on in June. And, well, you know how unable I am to judge things just written -- when beta says 'well' and 'um', I immediately go into non-posting mode and don't look at the fic. So it's a time thing. The vomiting-out-factor diminishes, I find, as the months pass by.
And then, once I started writing the notes, it turned out to be fun. It's very self-indulgent, :-) And it sort of helped me to shine a spotlight on what I like and dislike in writing. I also get to pontificate... *g*
*makes note*
I love that Hitchcock remark. There was a man who knew how to tell a story. When I first read this, I baulked but now I've come round to it!
'he said,', 'she says'
One day, I went back to one of my favourite novels, Vikram Seth's A Suitable Boy, and 'says' is virtually the only verb of utterance he uses, and copiously, too! So then I thought, well, hah!
(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-27 08:58 am (UTC)Take it as a compliment... ;)
for me, the Malta-Orli is nostalgically musing on his earlier innocent-not-yet-famous incarnation, which is, in a way, the early-fic-Orli. And both of those Orlis are also fan-Sues.
*head explodes*
Has the innocence gone? And is that a good or a bad thing?
I don't know. I think things have become much more complicated since the early days. You get all these other threads kind of weaving themselves into the lotrips canon, as the actors go off and work on other projects. Like, POTC canon seems to have become part of lotrips canon somehow... And what happens when all this LOTR stuff is over? Does the canon stop there? Or will the lives and work of the various LOTR actors still count as lotrips canon? Or will everyone just get tired of the whole thing, and go and take up some new hobby? Ooh, it's all a bit weird...
(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-27 12:22 pm (UTC)Here's my prediction! There will be a post-RotK flurry, as there was with TTT. Then there will be a coasting as ever. Then people will start casting round for something else and have multiple fandoms. Lotrips will continue as a kind of focus but more and more the threads will intertwist with other films. But because Dom, Billy and Lij seem to be firm friends there will always be grist for the mill. That mill, anyway. But the more interesting rarer pairings may wane.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-24 09:13 pm (UTC)Thank you also for your orig fic and Karl's hand and Stulando...vast fluffy mountains of appreciation should be arriving at your doorstep any second now. I agree with most of your self-criticisms, but most of them didn't hamper my enjoyment of the story, as I am excellent at suspending disbelief and critical thought when confronted with vivid descriptions of hot Domlando sex. It is a dangerous personal flaw, I know.
In particular, I quite liked the fixation on the wrist and its connection to a mild falling in love - the first allowed me space to muse on Orlando's wrist, which was a pleasure; the second, well, I'm cynical enough to take most falling in loves as falling in lusts, and as such, wrist-and-chunky-watch-as-catalyst worked just fine. Angelic Dom was harder to accept, except I know how chemistry feels for me, and could imagine the zing including something visually radiant - that was a push, but I enjoyed the image anyway.
Perhaps there's a trend in the making: I saw Neil Gaiman read the other night (wonderful!), and he read a story that negative feedback had caused him to bury in a desk for 20 years! Is there something astrological about rebirthing lost art going on?
(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-25 08:01 am (UTC)Thank you also for your orig fic and Karl's hand and Stulando
Thank you! I love bits of effbee hidden away in comments! Especially on origfic (quivers in boots at thought of forthcoming comments...)
the fixation on the wrist and its connection to a mild falling in love
You're the second person to say that! I can't believe that my Sueish fetishisation has found such resonance! But will remember not to feel so shy about similar fetishes in future... *g*
bury in a desk for 20 years
Well! That beats mine! Heh.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-02 06:26 am (UTC)I was wondering if I could read the rest! Again, great job so far!! XD
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-04 05:17 pm (UTC)Hm, I have no idea what happened here. If you send me your email, I can send you the fic as an attachment.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-05 04:18 am (UTC)Thanks! And I love your writing! ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-21 07:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-21 10:00 pm (UTC)I don't know what happened here. This used to be all right (note all the earlier comments!). Somewhere along the line Eljah seems to have eaten it up.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-22 05:05 am (UTC)bengermandover@yahoo.com.
christ thanks so much. your story pwns my soul(orSOMETHING :D) or whatever l33t ntrnt slangwave hip kids use these days.