a death in the department

[lobelia321]

A colleague died suddenly. She was 58. She was admitted to hospital with a broken leg, then she had a pulmonary embolism in hospital and suddenly, she died. She was at our institution for 33 years. She was a difficult colleague and nobody who knew her was indifferent to her, a fiery old Marxist and unionist. It is very shocking and only just sinking in (it happened last Thursday).

Death has a strange effect when it happens close by. It's so wrong when someone 'drops dead on the job'. The sequence is supposed to be retirement party -- draw your pension and have a good life -- and then, years down the line, a sad announcement. This is so wrong. Her name's still on her door; people are still emailing her (the computing services won't allow us to hack into her account); today I marked one of her dissertations: it was like standing in a dead woman's shoes.

*shakes self* I had to draft emails to the students and to colleagues who are no longer at our institution, re-arrange her marking, find out what else she was supposed to be doing. I'm finding it really tough. In a funny way, it's worse today than it was last Thursday when we stood around in shock and went to the pub to swap stories about her.

:-( Let's enjoy life while we have it and let's not worry about the small shit. There's no use planning ahead: oh, when I'm retired, then I'll do this and that... it may not happen...!

Comments

[vasiliki.livejournal.com]

She was a difficult colleague and nobody who knew her was indifferent to her, a fiery old Marxist and unionist.

My condolences. :( It sounds like your institution will sorely miss her.

Let's enjoy life while we have it and let's not worry about the small shit.

You're so right! I try to remind this to myself every time my son disobeys/angers me: this is small shit, mom, don't fret about it! There are parents who lose their children to incurable diseases...

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

I know! But we get caught up in these petty moments. I suppose that in itself is life, too.

[birdgerhl.livejournal.com]

sad news :( we've had a few similar sudden deaths in our department. the thing is with academia, is that everyone sticks around for years and years, so they're almost like part of the furniture. it's so weird when they're gone.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

like part of the furniture
Absolutely! In a way, it doesn't even matter whether you got on with the person or not: they're just part of the place, and it's very unsettling when they disappear.

You've had a few deaths? We had two suicides some years ago but they were in a different department in a different building, and I wasn't so affected; it was more like awful gossip.

[birdgerhl.livejournal.com]

yeah, we had two cancer deaths and one heart attack. :(

we're an unhealthy bunch of boozers and smokers. :(

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

Bloody awful and sad. :(

Let's enjoy life while we have it and let's not worry about the small shit.

Yes. It's the only thing to do really, isn't it? Just try your best to make it count.

xx

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Yup. That's all we can do. *nods* The effects of these things are very strange; I couldn't even identify this as 'grief' because I didn't know this colleague all that well but, as Birdgerhl said, she was part of the furniture, and a death is a death, no matter who. It's death, for fuck's sake; it's awful.

[littlegreenleaf.livejournal.com]

And you know, that's the way life is. Nobody promises it to us and we really DO have to make each day count for something. So sorry for the loss of your work mate.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

It's awful. Death is awful. It just sucks.

*stares at Legolas who has a cheering effect, what with is longevity and all*

[bunnysquee.livejournal.com]

what terrible news! 58 is not so very old ...

[pecos.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your workmate.

[msilverstar]

I want to hug you very tightly indeed. Be well.