les pillules

[lobelia321]

Two things about these pills (sertraline):

They make me lose all sexual desire. Libido = 0.

They make me sort of serene. The flip side is that they make me not care much about anything. Departmental meeting at horror institution? Not bothered. T'h going away to Madrid for a week? Who cares? (T'h cared!)

The G.P. today said they can make you feel 'numb'. I'm not sure I feel numb, exactly. I feel robust in the centre of myself, as if nothing can upset me. But then, sometimes it might be good to be upset? And maybe that's related to the libido: desire has to do with lack and with wanting something, with a need to be filled. If I don't really care one way or the other, then I'm not really yearning in any way.

I am, however, very productive. I've been speeding ahead on my academic-book revisions.

*waves from the land of lotus eaters, Stepford wives and, in the words of viva_gloria: happy zombies*

Comments

[viva-gloria.livejournal.com]

nah, the worst thing about being a happy zombie was none of the above -- it was needing to sleep so much. That's what got me off the Prozac eventually: I was sleeping 9-10 hours a night, taking an hour to wake up enough to write my own name (so morning pages and LJing and fic all disappeared), and didn't have the energy to do much except werk and sleep..

I like your phrase about 'robust in the centre of myself'. Unbreakable. Imperturbable.

And I don't miss my libido much, except when I'm trying to write NC17!

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Hm, I don't need to sleep a lot but the G.P. did ask me did I have trouble sleeping. I said, I had very little energy so she said she'd give me something 'to wake me up a bit'. Of course, that meant that in the first week of it I lay awake for two hours every night in a total state. But now I'm okay with sleep.

I like that you like 'robust in the centre of myself'. And the libido thing couldn't be sustained for every given that I'm married (1) but doesn't bother me, precisely because nothing bothers me much right now. Except yes, writing is closely allied to sex so there is that. I did write and post a fic, though, but not NC-17...

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

*nods in recognition of all the above*

They are quite good for getting stuff done though.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Yes, I am getting stuff done on my academic book. I'm not excited about it. I'm not angsting about it. I just sort of do it as I would do a daily librarian's job, like a duty. But I am doing it!!

[raincitygirl.livejournal.com]

I'm on sertraline and yeah, it's like I vaguely remember that I once had a libido, but I can't bring myself to actually care. If I weren't single I'd probably be agitating like hell for my doctor to change me over to something else!

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

No, I, too, am not much bothered about the libido thing because I'm not much bothered about anything. It's interesting that you say 'if I weren't single' because I'm thinking: well, if I were single, I wouldn't care! It's t'h who's losing out.

O_o

[tvillingar.livejournal.com]

Uh. Totally off the point, once again, but the subject line? Is that really a word (as in, the plural form of an actual word)?

(I'm asking this because it kinda looks like a vulgar word in Finnish.)

Re: O_o

[msilverstar]

"pills" in French, I think.

Re: O_o

[tvillingar.livejournal.com]

Ah, thank you!

Re: O_o

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Exactly! Pills!

Re: O_o

[tvillingar.livejournal.com]

I feel I should explain why I nearly spit coffee on the monitor when I first saw this post: in Finnish, pillu = cunt. So you can see why I had to ask...

Re: O_o

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Well, I heard that volvo means 'cunt' in Swedish so.... And, of course, the way we Germans pronounce our philosopher Immanuel Kant's surname leads to giggles among my students...

[msilverstar]

For me, the weirdly uninterested, kinda serene, not-caring is actually part of the depression, it never goes away no matter the medication or lack thereof.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

That's interesting. Not for me, I'm afraid; when depressed, I get into a terrible state of anxiety, have a skin as thin as the membrane around an egg, get into a state about travelling or t'h travelling or about anything really, the house, anything. So this serene thingy is actually quite a novelty for me.